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February 28, 2013


An Indiana man was arrested on Friday after he called 911 nine times in 90 minutes, repeatedly trying to order a cheeseburger.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)


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So he called 90 911 times in nine min ... wait, he dialed nine 90 times in 1911 ... oh, hell, he had 666 tattooed in 90 places on ... my brain hurts.

You can probably, on occasion, get a cheeseburger in jail.
But they probably frown on take-out.

you can get a cheeseburger in paradise, however.

"No, I said I want a cheeseburger! And fries, lots and lots of fries. Oh yeah, and a carton of Camels."

The fiscal cliff has really played havoc with customer service on 911.

No coke, Pepsi.

Is it entirely possible that this man REALLY needed a cheeseburger?

I do appreciate, however, the article writer's foresight in placing a picture of a cheeseburger in the middle of the text, just in case anyone reading it might have somehow forgotten what a cheeseburger actually looks like while reading the story. Thank God.

"Jesus Christ, Martha, I can't remember what a cheeseburger looks like! Oh thank God, the author put a picture halfway down the page! Wait...(tilts monitor sideways)...are they sure that's a cheeseburger???"

You know, it might be entirely possible that there is a bizarre Mormon sect out there in Utah somewhere that eschews and/or outright bans all mention of all fast food of any type, and this writer is a former member of this sect...this article may actually be a coded message to friends and family of his that are still trapped in the sect's evil clutches, that he has escaped, is indeed eating Satan's food, the evil cheeseburger...and it isn't as bad as the Church Fathers said it would be.

OR, this article was ENTIRELY directed toward his former Church, and this piece was actually a giant, poorly-done subliminal message meant to stir up hate and discontent within his former religious sect.

"Man wishing to order CHEESEBURGER calls 911 to get a CHEESEBURGER delivered to his home because he really wants a CHEESEBURGER, 911 operators insist to caller that they don't serve CHEESEBURGERS but wouldn't mind eating a CHEESEBURGER themselves. Unfortunately, ordering a CHEESEBURGER from 911 is illegal, and anyone else having an extreme CHEESEBURGER fetish needs to respect the law and order a CHEESEBURGER from a proper CHEESEBURGER-related business that is in the business of making and selling CHEESEBURGERS to those who would really like to eat a CHEESEBURGER instead of a Non-CHEESEBURGER food item that shares no resemblance with anything that even remotely looks like a CHEESEBURGER..."

Maybe this might be a title for a new Dave Barry book..."The Cheeseburger Verses"?

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