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November 30, 2012
SOUTH FLORIDA WEATHER FORECAST
Mostly sunny, with a chance of hairballs.
(Thanks to James in NC)
JUST FYI
Related item here.
(Thanks to Unhboly Slacker)
TIME FOR MANDATORY FEDERAL REGISTRATION
Police: 2 men beaten with toilet plunger in Flint
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)
IT'S GETTING SO WE HAVE NO CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS AT ALL
Man Charged with Vandalism for Defecating in Sink, Trying to Flush Pants
This happened at the police station.
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)
DOO YOUR PART
Help Scientists by Sending Them a Stool Sample
(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)
WE LIVE IN WONDROUS TIMES
YOU KNOW YOU (BURPPP) NEED IT
(Thanks to jon harris)
RIGHT NOW
IT WAS ASKING FOR IT
Mercer Island cop shoots self in butt
(Thanks to B'game)
THE HERALD HUNT
ITS FIRST THOUGHT WAS, "EH?"
Canadian scientists create a functioning, virtual brain
(Thanks to The Perts)
GUYS IN ACTION
Spokane man kills spider with brass knuckles
(Thanks to Craig Roberts)
YET ANOTHER ARGUMENT IN FAVOR OF PASSING OUT ON THE FLOOR
Study: Chemicals found in couches could make you sick
(Thanks to Craig Roberts)
November 29, 2012
SEND THEM TO WASHINGTON
Rolling Stones are older than U.S. Supreme Court, on average
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
AGENDA OF THE WEEK SO FAR
Groins, beach renourishment discussed at CBIEO meeting
(Thanks to Will Judd)
BIGFOOT DNA UPDATE
Bigfoot real and the result of human women mating with an ‘unknown hominin,’ claims U.S. study
The sluts!
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker and The Perts)
AHEM
THOSE THINGS ARE JUST TOO EASY TO OBTAIN
Suspects wanted in West Seattle ukulele attack
(Thanks to Craig Roberts)
FLATHEAD COUNTY: A POWDER KEG WAITING TO EXPLODE
IF YOU THINK YOKO'S SINGING IS BAD
...check out her fashions for men.
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Chuck Cody)
CASUAL WEDNESDAY
Police: Woman attempts to give man directions, discovers he's not wearing pants
(Thanks to Omniskeptic)
SUPER MARIO IS ON URANUS
NEVER LEAVE HOME WITHOUT THEM
OUR KIND OF TOWN
Squirrel: It’s what’s for dinner in Romney, W.Va.
(Thanks to Matt Filar)
HO HO HO
Really bad Christmas decorations.
(Thanks to marko)
Related Item: Police force woman to take down middle-finger Christmas lights she set up as message to her neighbors
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and DaninTustin)
BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN
Ice-T's wife Coco wants pet bulldog to get testicle implants
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)
MICHIGAN PARTY NOTE
Drunk hockey player was wearing Teletubbie costume
(Thanks to Dan Barr, queensbee and KJP)
'BOWEL BASED BIOMARKERS'
Clues To Climate Of Historical Earth Lie In Ancient Human Feces
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)
We saw Bowel Based Biomarkers open for Ancient Human Feces.
November 28, 2012
IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER?
Man charged with falling off building onto officer
(Thanks to Craig Roberts)
DEPARTMENT OF LINKS YOU WILL REGRET CLICKING ON
Woman left with hideous bulge after implant 'flips inside out'
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)
THIS DOES NOT STRIKE US AS A PARTICULARLY GOOD IDEA
Escaped emu coaxed into police car
(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)
SOMETIMES THE JOKES JUST WRITE THEMSELVES
Man arrested after wild goose found in his SUV
(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)
THERE IS DISTURBING...
...and then there is disturbing.
(Thanks to nursecindy)
AS IF WE NEED ANOTHER REASON FOR A FEDERAL BAN ON IRONING BOARDS
THE BENEFIT OF A LONG WEEKEND
NYPD: No Murders, Shootings, Stabbings Reported On Monday
(Thanks to Lani)
AND THEIR MOTHER IS *EXHAUSTED*
19 boy babies born in a row at Minnesota hospital
(Thanks to The Perts)
NOTHING A WET MOP CAN'T TAKE CARE OF
Dirt from Justin Bieber's hometown hits Ebay
(Thanks to The Perts)
UH-OH
Guess the state.
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
EXCEPT THEY DON'T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE ZOMBIES. NOT THAT WE'RE COMPLAINING.
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
Speaking of zombie calendars: These won't last long!
DUDE, WE HAD THIS IN THE SIXTIES. WE JUST DIDN'T CALL IT AN 'INSTITUTE.'
Pot institute formed at Humboldt State University
(Thanks to Ralph)
November 27, 2012
SHE'S SEEN WORSE-LOOKING RELATIVES
HURRICANE SANDY: GUYS IN ACTION
ATTENTION, NOBEL PRIZE JUDGES
(Thanks to Allen at Division)
WAIT... IS THIS BAD?
Great tit disease ‘spread to UK by insects’
(Thanks to Barbara A)
CLASSY!
Man Uses Scantily Clad Daughter to Sell 1977 Datsun on eBay
(Thanks to jon harris)
"I WAS SITTING UPSTAIRS READING A BOOK AND I HEARD THIS BIG 'POOSH'"
Poulsbo home flooded with raw sewage -- again
(Thanks to Craig Roberts)
HUH
Study: Porn Stars More Religious, Have Higher Self-Esteem Than Other Women
(Thanks to Loudmouth, who says, quote, "Oh God, Oh God, Oh God. So that was all prayer?")
THIS COULD BE PART OF THE UPRISING
Samsung Galaxy SIII stress-tested using jean-clad robotic buttocks
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker, who saw the Jean-Clad Robotic Buttocks open for Big Audio Dynamite)
TERRORISM UPDATE
Decorative cologne bottle shuts down Seattle street
(Thanks to Craig Roberts)