Dave Barry's Blog

CRITIC

Frederick police arrested a man for disorderly conduct after they said he refused to stop yelling about art.

(Thanks to Blunt Hobo)

VOLARE!

Traces of cocaine and marijuana found in air of eight Italian cities

(Thanks to jon harris)

AND THEY'RE COMPLETELY LEGAL ON THE ROADS OF FLORIDA

Human motorcycles.

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

TODAY'S NATURE FACT

Cane toads can survive entirely off fresh cow pats

This has been Today's Nature Fact.

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

THE WILD NORTHWEST

Diaper theft ring busted in Puyallup

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

THIS WAS GOING TO BE SOME PARTY

Detectives say the teens were planning a party outside of town. Stevens County Sheriff Detectives came across the mountain of stolen stuff just off Old Dominion Road.  The stash, worth about $235,000, included a bulldozer, back hoe, flat-bed trailer, two side-by-sides and a stolen SUV with guns inside.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

TRAIL OF THE WEEK

Unfortunately our strict policy prohibits us from presenting the Trail of the Week.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR RASCAL FLATTS

City confiscates oft-escaping pig

(Thanks to Omniskeptic)

THIS IS THE THANKS HE GETS

Man who torched squirrel for dinner sparking fire to be fined $10,000

(Thanks to Omniskeptic)

FEATURING MICK AND KEITH

Earliest record to be played for 1st time since 1878

(Thanks to The Perts)

DEPARTMENT OF EMAILS WE DID NOT FINISH READING

Hi Dave: We just published a lengthy article on haunted antiques.

WE CAN'T BELIEVE 'COPACABANA' -- WHICH THIS BLOG VIEWS AS A WAR CRIME -- MADE THIS LIST

Barry Manilow's Least Offensive Songs, Ranked in Order

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

TRAGICALLY, IT WAS NOT SNOOKI

Truck runs over sunbathing reality star’s head

(Thanks to jon harris)

TOTALLY PLAUSIBLE

Justin Bieber sued by man who claims he stole his credit card to pay for penis enlargement

Also Very Believable: The unnamed Michigan resident also alleges that Usher sodomised him with a firework whilst he played music by Katy Perry

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?

Not this blog.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO BELIEVE IN

Nazi buddha from space might be fake

(Thanks to Omniskeptic, who says "their contract to open for Ted Nugent has been canceled.")

JUST LET IT GO TO VOICEMAIL

A farmer in Devon claimed his phone had disappeared inside the back end of one of his cows when he'd been using the flashlight on his phone while assisting the cow during calving.

(Thanks to The Perts)

THE GALAXY IS SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL

A 45-year-old German woman has won a national car parking championship, beating four men and three other women to claim the crown, it was announced on Monday.

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

WE'RE SOLD

More here.

(Thanks to Greg Kurtz)

IT SOUNDS LIKE IT SAYS, QUOTE, 'GANGNAM STYLE'

For the first time researchers have released a recording of the spontaneous impersonation of human speech out of the mouth. . . or spout of a beluga whale.

(Thanks to kd)

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER

Mourners flee after man turns up alive at his own wake

(Thanks to Mike Ester and B'game)

HE WAS RELEASED AFTER PRODUCING A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

"Mystery Monkey of Tampa Bay" caught

(Thanks to Matt Filar and Allen at Division)

ATTENTION, NOBEL PRIZE JUDGES

For the first time, doctors in Mexico have used a silicone chin implant to give a man's testicles a more symmetrical look.

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

CAMBRIDGE CRIME REPORT

Unfortunately, our strict policy prohibits us from presenting the Cambridge Crime Report.

(Thanks to Jerald Nichols)

DEPARTMENT OF EMAILS WE DID NOT FINISH READING

Hi Dave,  Hope you’re well. I have a quick story for you about Jennifer Esposito, the actress who, as you probably know, is being replaced on CBS' “Blue Bloods.”

CLASSY!

Caught on camera: Woman peeing inside lift

(Unholy Slacker)

AFTER WHICH THE SNAKE DECIDED TO EAT THE NURSE

Albino guinea pig attacked by python snake saved by mouth-to-mouth from nurse Beth Salleras

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

WE GOT YER ANCIENT ART RIGHT HERE

All these woes could be fixed, she said, and for only $350. That's how much it costs to get your face slapped at a brand-new massage parlor on Geary Boulevard that specializes in a beauty treatment billed as the "ancient Thai art of face slapping."

(Thanks to Dave Roe)

SHE'D NEVER MAKE IT AS AN ARTIST

"I do want to say something from the heart, something actually kind of serious and truthful," she said after Judd Apatow introduced her. "I have not pooped in four days—four days!"

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

IT'S SOME OF HIS BEST WORK

A renowned and controversial installation by Jaan Toomik consisting of several jars of the artist's own excrement is being bought by the Tartu Art Museum.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

CSI: TRINITY COUNTY

Man Apparently Surprised to Learn He Had 102 Pounds of Pot in the Car

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

THESE ARE SOME VERY BRAVE RESEARCHERS

Study Questions Existence Of PMS

(Thanks to Dan Barr)

YET ANOTHER REASON NOT TO PLAY GOLF

Live Shark Drops Onto San Juan Capistrano Golf Course

(Thanks to Dan Barr)

SPORTSPERSON OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Relative shoots costumed 9-year-old after mistaking her for a skunk

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

BWAHAHAHAHA

"Don't tell Judi..."

(Thanks, wiredog)

THE 'CLAPCAKE'

STD-themed cupcakes go on sale

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

THUS EXPLAINING WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DINOSAURS

Scientists construct the most accurate model of a Neanderthal yet — and he looks just like Chuck Norris

(Thanks to jon harris)

AFTER LENGTHY DELIBERATIONS

Top N.Y. court rules lap dances aren't art

(Thanks to The Perts)

MEANWHILE IN SPORTS

The Wild Boar Dirt Run.

(Thanks to The Perts)

PARTY!

Polish thieves steal van with 12 bodies inside

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

3-clawed crab caught on Oregon Coast

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

HALLOWEEN IS COMING....

...are you ready?

(Thanks to jon harris)

ADVISORY: Be advised.

SO WE HAVE NOT LOST *ALL* OF OUR CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS

Man Shows Testicles To Police To Avoid Jail - And It Works!

Guess the state.

(Thanks to Ralph)

IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER?

Man on PCP bites off own finger and swallows it after naked carjack attempt

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker, who notes, "Dude knows how to party.")

CUSTOMER LOYALTY

Woman accused of urinating in stand-up tanning booth at North Olmsted salon at least four times

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

DEPARTMENT OF EMAILS WE DID NOT FINISH READING

Hello,  Your website is an awesome resource related to Wild Life management services. I have noticed the persistency and the quality of content posted on your site.

Yes, we pride ourselves on our persistency.

SUPPORTING A GOOD CAUSE

World’s biggest bra put up for auction

(Thanks to Mark Buckley and jon harris)

THERE WAS BLOOD SPATTER AS FAR AWAY AS CLEVELAND

Stephen King surprises New Brunswick high school

(Thanks to The Perts)

THIS JUST IN

Saina gets past hobbling Wang to enter final

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

NOT A QUESTION YOU SHOULD HAVE TO ASK

What is the Current population in mianus?

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)