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February 27, 2012


Georgia Soccer Player Arrested for Shoplifting Hash Browns in Her Pants

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)


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Hash Brown Pants wbagnfa ... um ... roadie band?

I've come to accept people keeping crack pipes and handguns in their personal regions, but hash browns crosses the line. I mean, Ronald McDonald's hands might have touched them.

yeah foodstuffs should not be stuffed down there and then consumed afterward. Bleccccccccch.

"Are those hash browns in your pants or are you..."

I'm gonna stop here, before someone wacks me with a soccer cleat.

Would they leave hash marks?

dunno, layzee, butt they were freshly 'browned'

For some reason I am curious to know whether she put them down the front or down the back of her pants. The first option sounds like it could have been part of some kind of rite of initiation. The second option sounds just....ewww.

Well, she was in the Tater Center, after all

I am one who would ask "how did she get her hands on it before she paid for it"? Did Barney Fife work the
register, then realize she walked off with the food?

Sometimes people who should know better help crimes occur....

From the article: Campus police, man. Wanna-be Barnie Fife took her to jail where she had to post $1,5000 bond for that $1 hash brown.

Dear editor: (1) it's "Barney"; (2) was the bond $1,500 or $15,000?

Either way, it appears that it may have been the same judge deciding the bond for this case as with the Fayetteville hors d'oeuvres smuggler.

Apparently, Mayberry was a bit more a swinging spot that anybody let on. Don Knotts, in particular, was known to favor the ladies, and "Playing the Barney Fife" was a euphemism among the cast for ... oh, something you really don't want to visualize too clearly.

I made that up, you realize. Don't bother checking snopes.com. Mr. Knotts was an upstanding, morally upright member of the community, and that unfortunate episode with the raccoon was just a youthful indiscretion.

But ... Omni' ... Barney only had one bullet! He couldn't've shot his ownself twice!

There's an old joke about the guy who was advised to put a potato in his swim suit to impress the girls, but the advice didn't specify to put it in the front.

Hot sauce, anyone?

Maz' ... mashed? Or scalloped?

On one hand we have the state's witness who claims to have seen young Carli putting the hash-browns in her pants. On the other hand my client Carli maintains that she was unsuccessfully attempting to fend of the sexual advances of the hash-browns. None of us were there, so we can never be sure what really happened in the Bulldog Cafe that terrible morning.

max ... sum court persons would hint that she wuz askin' for it ... merely sayin' ...

Mildly off-topic but a store security person once told me that it was actually rare to catch someone shoplifting who didn't have enough money to pay for the item.
Thrills, anyone?

Son #1 caught a kid who stole a golf-style frisbee(TM) ... chased him across the parkin' lot, caught him, cops and parent came to the store ... kid said, "Your prices are too high on these things." ... as if that wuz an excuse to not pay anythin' ... prolly had money, becuz they also found his girlfriend MaryJane in his jacket pocket ... Mom wuz NOT pleased ...

$1? She risked arrest to steal $1 worth of hash browns. I hate to be a criminal enabler here but I'd have just, you know, EATEN it on the spot.

That action, Jeff, is whut's knowed in sum legal circles as "defrauding an innkeeper" ... dunno where it ranks on the scale of "A" or "B" ... but most likely misdmeanors ... still an offense, and subject to court, fines, arrest, search, and mebbe more, not necessarily in that order ...

Don't those title IX scholarships cover cafeteria expenses as well? I suspect this was a stunt of some sort...

She clearly had a poor role model

someday, when I have attained the IQ of a flatworm I will learn how to do that right. Until then I will just stay home and play with myself(thank you Mr. Dangerfield)

O the U: only if you get caught and I haven't.

Thanks, wingnut. That's the clip I was looking for.

wingnut's link.

Food fight!

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