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December 31, 2011

A LOOK BACK AT 2011

It wasn't pretty.

HAVE FUN TONIGHT

...but don't get too wild.

LucyNewYear

Especially not in Miami.

WHICH QUALIFIES IT FOR A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

'Intelligent' slime able to navigate its way out of maze

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

HARD TO BELIEVE THIS PLAN FAILED

A Lexington man is accused trying to use a fake $1 million bill to pay for his purchases at a Walmart.

(Thanks to John Moore and Karen in Panama City)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

To recap, Jack Horner, curator of paleontology at the Museum of the Rockies, told me that he and some colleagues were working to create a dinosaur out of a chicken.

(Thanks to funny man)

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

Nikkei Women is predicting that Japanese women will be embracing the latest Korean cosmetic trend: a beauty cream called Prestige cream d’escargot made from snail entrails that is all the rage in Seoul.

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

YET ANOTHER ASSAULT ON OUR CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS

Lancaster curbs mall's use of anti-crow cannons

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

SPEAKING OF INTERNATIONAL:

Here's an International Bra Size Calculator.

(Thanks to Paul R.)

TIME FOR AN INTERNATIONAL AID CONCERT STARRING, AT MINIMUM, BONO

Uganda is running out of grasshoppers.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Ralph)

WE ARE SHOCKED, SHOCKED

Man claims he was fired to make room for ‘hot chicks'

(Thanks to to Joe in Japan)

THIS IS BIG

Andrew D. Basiago, 50, a lawyer in Washington State who served in DARPA’s time travel program Project Pegasus in the 1970’s, and fellow chrononaut William B. Stillings, 44, who was tapped by the Mars program for his technical genius, have publicly confirmed that Obama was enrolled in their Mars training class in 1980 and that each later encountered Obama during visits to rudimentary U.S. facilities on Mars that took place from 1981 to 1983.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

SOON TO BE DATING SNOOKI

Rare 'faceless and brainless' fish seen off UK coast

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

IN MIAMI...

...the car on the bottom would be cited for failure to yield.

Pics-image-2-771229620

(Thanks to Don Faber)

December 30, 2011

SHE SPEAKS WITH AUTHORITY

Whale Sperm Makes the Ocean Salty, Snooki Claims

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

SOON WE WILL HAVE NO CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS LEFT

GALESBURG -- Two people who pulled up at a McDonald's drive-thru in western Illinois completely naked face public indecency charges.

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

STAND TALL, SUNSHINE STATERS

52 Examples Why Florida Is Still The Craziest State

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Weird as only Florida can be in 2011

(Thanks to Ken Morgan)

Butt injections, angry 92-year-olds, free breast exams: Florida's strange 2011

(Thanks to Lisa)

IT ALSO HAD A VALID FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

A Swedish woman's recent toiling in her garden turned up a rather unexpected harvest when she pulled a carrot out of the ground 'wearing' the wedding ring she had lost back in 1995.

(Thanks to Drew Smith)

UPDATE ON THE GUY STOPPED WITH GIFT-WRAPPED POT (ALLEGEDLY)

Nice mug shot, dude.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

NEW YEAR'S EVE REMINDER:

Don’t drink and walk

(Thanks to Greg Snow, who says "I always take the safe route and crawl.")

GUESS THE STATE

Man Burns House So Mother, Wife Won’t Move In

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

HEY, IT HAS SENTIMENTAL VALUE

Man accused of stealing his urine sample

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

APOCALYPSE UPDATE

Freak foam storm swamps seaside resort of Cleveleys

Blackpool-foam-image-2-400259252

(Thanks to Ralph, who says "I think I saw Seaside Foam Storm open for the Beach Boys.")

GIVE THIS PERSON A MEDAL

Seattle 'locavore' traps, cooks squirrels

(Thanks to Ralph)

December 29, 2011

SO LADIES: HE WILL SOON BE SINGLE

An Italian couple are to become the world's oldest divorcees, after the 99-year-old husband found that his 96-year-old wife had an affair in the 1940s.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

MY KIND OF (VERY WEIRD) TOWN

I am often asked why I like Miami. If you go here, you can listen to a podcast of a recent Miami-based radio show in which I attempt to explain myself. Or, you could do something productive. The choice is yours!

CORPSE D'OEUVRES

ST. PETERSBURG, Russia, Dec. 29 (UPI) -- Pounds upon pounds of red and black caviar were stowed next to bodies at a St. Petersburg, Russia, morgue, police said.

(Thanks to Karen in Panama City)

BRILLIANT

COEUR d'ALENE, Idaho — A Washington state man faces felony marijuana trafficking charges after an officer found 3.3 pounds of marijuana wrapped up as Christmas gifts during a traffic stop in northern Idaho.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

ATTENTION, SHOPPERS:

Checking out?

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker, who says "Sounds painful.")

WE'RE HOPING THOSE WERE VIRTUAL DOLLARS

A Chinese man spent $16,000 for a virtual sword.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody, who's guessing the man is single)

MONTANA

State of Romance

(Thanks to The Perts)

CSI: DOWN UNDER

The Bumcrack Bandit.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Unholy Slacker)

 

YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT

Polar Potties calendar shows where explorers go

(Thanks to Jan in Grimsby and The Perts)

HORN TOOTING

Toot.

HOW ABOUT ONE ON 'INAPPROPRIATE PITCHES'?

Hi Dave,
I would LOVE to write a guest post for your blog. After looking through your archives, I think an article on “Frugally Fantastic Holiday Food Preparations" would be outstanding for your audience.
If you like that topic, I'll start working on it right away! Or I can think of another one.
Thank you!
Kelly

WOOF, DUDE

'Dogs love marijuana' says non-local vet

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

WHY WE LOVE LIVE LOCAL TV NEWS

"Congratuations on your big hooters."

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

THIS EXPLAINS THE SNUGGIE

Shopping While Intoxicated nets online gains

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

PLEASE MAKE A NOTE OF IT

There Will Be No Friday This Week In Samoa

(Thanks to Skip Franklin)

O LITTLE TOWN OF... RUN!

Feuding monks brawl at Church of the Nativity in  Bethlehem

Image

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who saw Feuding Monks open for Madonna; also thanks to Ralph)

December 28, 2011

SOUNDS LIKE DISCRIMINATION TO US

In case you were wondering, Blank can inform you that men fart 14 to 15 times a day, while women do so a mere eight to nine times.

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

SWINGING ON THAT BIG VINE IN THE SKY

Cheetah is gone.

(Thanks to The Perts and RussellMc)

IT MUST BE TRUE, BECAUSE IT'S IN THE WEEKLY WORLD NEWS

ALIENS BALLS FALLING ON U.S.

(Thanks to funny man)

TIME FOR STRICT FEDERAL CONTROLS

Man attacks four outside Kona bar with cow's femur, police say

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

MEN

Never, ever, EVER click here.

("Thanks" to Jeff Meyerson)

WE WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER WHERE WE WERE WHEN WE HEARD THE NEWS

Nike makes Skittles shoes for Marshawn Lynch

(Thanks to Craig Roberts) 

NOBODY HITCHHIKES ANY MORE

Man stole Greyhound bus to visit friend, cops say

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

ALL WE REALLY KNOW AT THIS POINT IS THAT IT HAS A VALID FLORIDA LICENSE

Searching for Bigfoot in Texas

(Thanks to Karen in Panama City)

WE SAW YETI FINGER OPEN FOR THE STONES

Yeti finger mystery solved by Edinburgh scientists

Most Fascinating Section:

The finger, which was said to be from a yeti, was taken from a Nepalese monastery by an American explorer in the 1950s. He replaced it with a human finger he had been given by a British scientist.

The yeti finger was taken from a Nepalese monastery by an American explorer in the 1950sIt was then smuggled out of India with the help of Hollywood actor James Stewart, who hid the artefact in his wife's lingerie case.

(Thanks to Karen in Panama City)

Wait a Minute: "...a human finger he had been given by a British scientist"???

SEND THIS TOWN TO WASHINGTON

U.K. town sprays manure to keep away rowdy youths

(Thanks to The Perts)

JESUS SIGHTINGS UPDATE

Now: A sock.

(Thanks to [not surprisingly] Unholy Slacker and Allen at Division)

 
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