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November 25, 2011


It's Thanksgiving, and as my wife pulled the "innards" out of the turkey to get it ready to cook, I couldn't help notice how the neck, gizzard, liver and heart are WAY TOO SMALL to have come from this 22-pound bird.  It used to be you actually got the "guts" the bird was born with.

As an "Eating Rights Activist", I am proposing that the U.S. Government require all turkeys to be "Numbers Matching"... that is, all of the parts they were born with come included with the bird.  If you are an automobile aficionado, you look for a vehicle with all of its original parts (engine, transmission, etc.).  All of the serial numbers match.  I propose that we demand our turkeys be the same "numbers matching".  I want a big-assed heart if I buy a big-assed-assed turkey.  I think it's our right!

Terry Lehmann, Thompson, OH


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Unfortunately this will never work. The government will require a form for every number, a form that certifies that all the numbers match, and a form to record tracking of all the forms.

As Arthur Carlson said in that famous WKRP, "So help me God I thought turkeys could fly." So did Homeland
Security. And Terry Lehman, apparently.

May I suggest a market-based solution? How about certified serialized turkey, at a modest 100% markup from uncertified birds.

Hey, if it works for organic foods...

RFID chips would be a cleaner alternative. Just sayin'

At peak capacity, the factories are pushing something like 120 turkeys a minute through the assembly line. If you want to do it right, go to the farm and choose your bird and have it prepped in front of you, sort of like the Sarah Palin photo op background that went wrong.

I'd pay extra to get one without giblets, necks, unidentified packs of what the seller couldn't get rid of in his yard sale, etc.
If I wanted a turkey neck, I'd have married my first girlfriend.

Yeah I want to pay $5/lb to get the innards that came with the bird... Some people will find anything to whine about.

I'd say Terry needs to take the stick out of his butt and Get A Life.

There's a simple old-fashioned solution; get a live turkey and disassemble it yourself. All of the parts come included with the bird, including the feathers.

Maybe your turkey was a grinch.

A big-assed-assed turkey?

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