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November 23, 2011

ALWAYS KEEP ONE HANDY

'Hillbilly' brought chainsaw to road-rage dispute

Why You Need to Keep It Tuned Up: The terrified driver watched in horror as Tedford jerked the chainsaw’s pull cord 15 times trying to start it.

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

Comments

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Hey at least he did not bring out the banjos

"You messed with the wrong Ennismore hillbilly."

Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I've heard that...

To tame a hillbilly, you have at look them straight in the eye and approach with your palms facing up. You must also talk in a soothing voice about subjects as diverse as Merle Haggard, banana pudding with real 'nilla wafers, and mudflaps. Do not cut them off in traffic.

And the writers for Scary Movie 5 just thought up another scene.

High Canadian hillbillies. Who knew? WBAGNFARB.

"He reacted by passing the pickup truck, manoeuvring in front of him and slamming on his brakes to come to a dead stop on the busy leg of the Trans-Canada Highway near the 7th Line of Asphodel, Crown attorney Jelena Vlacic said."

What an asphodel.

I'm confused. The guy cut him off! He was perfectly justified in what he did imho.

Very disappointed there was no booking photo.

Has Judi been fired yet?

“You messed with the wrong Ennismore hillbilly,”

Doesn't that imply that there is a right Ennismore hillbilly?

--Signed,

Confused

manual tomato: I think the '7th Line of Asphodel' was one of the Signs of the Apocalypse, according to that Camping guy.

HogsAte: I found the picture for you.

One of the articles also mentioned a carving knife.

The 7th Line of Asphodel seems to a road lying between (ahem) the 6th and 8th Lines, in the Township of Asphodel, Ontario.

It could also be an arcane reference to a line of script in a parchment stored in the archives of the Gatekeeper of Hasperin, Who shall be Forever Nameless.

Golly! This is the cover story in Hillbilly
Mental Health
for December!!!

Tedford pleaded guilty to aggravated assault by endangering the life of a 30-year-old Hastings man, assault with a weapon, uttering threats, dangerous driving, mischief and possessing a small amount of marijuana.

I'm shocked! Hillbilies use pot? I thought moonshine was the only vice....

The dude needs lots more MaryJ to chill out.

At first, I thought this had to be Texas and it was a remake of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Of course had it been Texas, the 30 year old would have been packing and there probably would have have been a dead hillbilly.

The very fact that he could enunciate well enough for bystanders to understand exactly what he said proves he's a "wannabe" hillbilly.
"Hick" is a different matter, entirely.

Wonder if he had a concealed carry permit? oh, wait...

If you jerk it more than 16 times, you're not just trying to start your chainsaw.

See what gun control laws can do? With real hillbillies, this would have been over a lot faster, without all that unnecessary effort to start a chain saw.

Afkat, if you show up, I left you a note on the Hungry thread. :) (I used to have your email, but don't anymore, else I'd have just sent you a note.)

Here's the Florida version.

Here's the next reality show on Discovery. Great. More rednecks on TV.
(Remember when Discovery had GOOD programming?)

Nice, Ralph. Better stay off his lawn.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody! If you have to loosen your watch strap after you've finished eating, you may have eaten too much. (joke stolen from David Letterman)

"This is my property and I will bulldoze the whole … place,"
It's in the Bill of Rights just after the chainsaw amendment.

Jerry Seinfeld said the mistake everyone makes (besides starting to eat at 2:00) is to dress up in nice clothes, rather than wearing loose sweat pants.

Loudmouth, I saw The Chainsaw Amendment open for Santana.

In West VA, he would have just shot at him. That is what the carry permit is for!

ALSO: If it takes 15 yanks to git yer "chainsaw" going, ya just ain't tryin".

Next time, he should also bring the gas can. Sounds like the chainsaw was an empty threat.

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