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August 22, 2011


Gather 'round, young people, because it's back-to-school time, and Uncle Dave wants to give you some important advice to help you excel in the classroom and have successful, rewarding careers, assuming that the Earth is not destroyed by giant comet chunks.


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Uncle Dave's generation is getting old. We are almost ready to go to the retirement home to spend the rest of our days tapping our bedpans rhythmically in time to "easy listening" rock 'n' roll.

Stop it, Dave. You're going to make me soil my Depends.

And I hope you Floridians are ready to start girding and hunkering (not to mention throwing your lawn furniture in your designated pools) as Hurricane Irene approaches.

Do you have enough milk and toilet paper?

I dare Hurricane Irene to show her weepy little face here in N.C.! I laugh at her 80 mph winds. Of course I can do that because I live about 120 miles inland. If I lived in Florida I'd move to Alabama. I'd forgotten all about Comet Kahoutek. They're still showing those pictures of Jupiter on the Science Channel.

I thought of you, cindy, when I saw the "possible track" of Irene - but you'd have to drive to Cape Fear to stand in the wind like Al Roker until it knocked you over get the full effect.

Tell me what parent doesn't consider the start of school to be the happiest day of the year. OK, when they start kindergarten can be a little traumatic but other than that it's FREEDOM!

The only parents I can think of that don't celebrate the first day of school are those employed by the school system.

I have no kids living at home so I hate the start of the school year. all the bratty 16 year olds with their new giant pickups mommy and daddy bought them over the summer because they got through the summer without overdosing or shooting someone. Sorry, it's Monday. This is another of my 10,000 favorite Dave Columns.

Young people? Get off ofg's lawn!

Even more frightening than Barry Manilow.

Evidently Hurricane Irene reads this blog and has absolutely no sense of humor. Now they are comparing her to Hurricane Hugo and say she may hit us. wiredog they've been showing those spaghetti things on our weather forecasts all day. I think it is their latest way to scare us to death.

Throw your patio furniture in the pool and head for high ground!

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