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July 23, 2011
DIVING, ANYONE?
GALA FUNDRAISER UPDATE
HUMANS, ON THE OTHER HAND...
Garden slugs prefer Budweiser over imported brands
(Thanks to Ralph)
July 22, 2011
HE HAD HIS REASONS
Man ‘defecated on dead hedgehog in street’
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)
COLD
Man dumped by fiancee after selling kidney for £12k to buy engagement ring
(Thanks to Chuck Cody)
THE VIEW FROM ARIZONA
Don't call our dust storm haboobs
(Thanks to Chuck Cody)
IT WAS RELEASED AFTER QUESTIONING
Oahu report of severed hand turns out to be squid
(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert)
UGANDAN NEWS ROUNDUP
Man forgets shoes at in-law’s home, leaves barefoot
This has been the Ugandan News Roundup.
(Thanks to Chuck Cody)
IT BECOMES A PROBLEM AT AROUND 50 MPH
AND THIS IS HIS LAWYER
NEWS YOU CAN USE
Humans are most at risk of being eaten by lions just after a full moon
(Thanks to Matt Filar)
CSI: KINGS MOUNTAIN
Man arrested after giving girl a hickey
(Thanks to nursecindy)
HEY, THEY CAN'T DO ANY WORSE THAN THE POLITICIANS
Rabid bats take over Los Angeles County
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
THEY WON'T GET FAR WITHOUT CHLORINE
Swimming pool stolen in Richland Hills
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
GOD HELP US IF IT EVER FARTS
Mass Extinction Caused by Deadly 'Earth Burp'
(Thanks to Otis, who says he saw Deadly Earth Burp open for Deep Purple)
UPDATE: Apparently, it already did fart.
(Thanks to The Perts)
DO NOT CLICK ON THIS LINK IF YOU ARE EATING, OR PLANNING TO EAT AT ANY TIME IN THE FUTURE
Swedish man's thong use prompts police probe
(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)
IF YOU SEE ONLY ONE YOUTUBE VIDEO ABOUT POSSUM ATTACKS ON A MOBILE HOME
...make it this one.
(Thanks to Chuck Cody)
REMINDS US OF COLLEGE
(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)
THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT
These San Francisco Bars Are Streaming Online Footage of You Getting Drunk
(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger, who says, "Basically, it's Jersey Shore without the commercials.")
EARLIEST KNOWN IMAGE OF CHER
Stone Age erotic art found in Germany
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
A REASON TO GO ON LIVING
Snooki, Rob Kardashian for 'Dancing with the Stars'?
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
SOCIAL NOTE FROM CONNERSVILLE, INDIANA
Reserve police officer accused of having sex in public pool
(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)
'YOU ARE NOT LEAVING THIS TABLE UNTIL YOU SNORT YOUR VEGETABLES'
IT'S PROBABLY JUST A WEREWOLF
Boy Shoots Chupacabra In Texas
(Thanks to Allen at Division)
WHICH MEANS IT CAN LEGALLY DRIVE IN FLORIDA
Tortoise gets artificial wheel at vet hospital
(Thanks to Andrew Hoenig)
THEY ALSO HAVE AN EXTREMELY REALISTIC 'STEVE JOBS'
Chinese counterfeiters have had a field-day pumping out knockoffs of Apple Inc's best-selling iPhones and iPads but one appears to have gone a step further -- a near flawless fake Apple Store that even employees believe is the real deal.
(Thanks to funny man)
PIGLET IS VERY WORRIED
(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)
SPEAKING OF BAND NAMES
Parasitic Wasp Employs Zombie Ladybug to Guard Cocoon
(Thanks to wiredog)
WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR HENDRIX
(Thanks to R & L Stevenson)
DESPITE THE FACT THAT THEY ALL HAVE FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSES
Alabama still collecting tax for Confederate vets
(Thanks to jon harris)
HEY, YOU HAVE TO HAVE PRIORITIES
NEITHER IS OXYGEN, YET WE CANNOT SURVIVE WITHOUT IT
In Russia, beer is no longer food
(Thanks to Richard Hunt)
July 21, 2011
WHY WE SHOP AT CRACKER BARREL
It's wholesome.
DUE TO OUR STRICT POLICY...
We will not be able to read about having an ab workout today.
(Thanks to Brian Jones)
ALL SALES FINAL
More or less.
(Thanks to oldfatguy)
SNORE PATROL
We saw them open for (come on, it has to be said) Snow Patrol.
(We do not want to get fired, so if it turns out this has already been blogged, please blame Loudmouth, Clark Neily, and Mark Schlesinger. Thank you.)
CHRISTMAS IS COMING
You know what Dad wants.
(Thanks to The Perts)
RELATED (GET IT?) NEWS ITEM
A South Carolina couple says a shadowy image that turned up on a receipt from Walmart looks like the face of Jesus.
(Thanks to Emily Tobin and her dad)
p.s. Apparently *this* is the item that'll result in a firing. Oh, Emily, we trusted you...
KIND OF PUTS A DAMPER ON THINGS, DOESN'T IT?
There she was, the Mother of God, hanging out in the Burrells' shower.
(Thanks to Ralph K., who adds piously, "Hail Mary, full of grout.")
July 20, 2011
PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETH... NO, ON SECOND THOUGHT, DON'T
(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)
WHEN YOU HAVE A LARGE FAMILY, YOU DO WHAT YOU CAN TO SAVE ON GROCERIES
Angelina Jolie Says Sons Eat Crickets 'Like Doritos'
(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)
WAIT... WHAT ABOUT THE MILLER LITE COMMERCIALS?
The first advertising campaign for non-human primates
(Thanks to Robert Shaw)
'WHAT'S ON TV, DUDE?'
(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger, who says, "Presumably sponsored by Frito-Lay.")
SLEEP TIGHT
Deep sinkhole opens under woman's bed
(Thanks to The Perts)
CONVENIENT
Great white shark jumps from sea into research boat
(Thanks to wiredog)
HOW BAD IS THE HEAT WAVE?
(Thanks to The Perts)
FREE AT LAST
County eliminates ban on forest juggling
(Thanks to Joe in Japan)
YIKES
Al Qaeda's breast implant bombers
(Thanks to -- and we have no doubt that this is his real name -- Phil McAvity, who notes that "Tatas of Terror" would be a good name for a rock band.)
MISSOURI CRIME REPORT
We regret that our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you the Missouri Crime Report.
(Thanks to Ralph)