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July 31, 2011
IF YOU CAN IMAGINE
FIRST MR. WHIPPLE, AND NOW THIS
CRICKET UPDATE
Vaseline stirs up a row at Trent Bridge
(Thanks to Joe in Japan)
NO NEED TO PANIC: IT HAS A VALID FLORIDA LICENSE
(Thanks to funny man)
THEY HAVE TO LEARN SOMETIME
July 30, 2011
THE WORLD HEAVES A SIGH OF RELIEF
Calif. taxidermist preserves Gaga's meat dress
(Thanks to Craig Roberts)
CSI: BUTTE
We regret that today's edition of CSI: Butte has also been canceled.
(Thanks to Chuck Cody)
SPORTS UPDATE
The sports update has been canceled.
(Thanks to Horace LaBadie)
THIS HAD TO BE THE WORK OF A CAT
TRACES OF SOUR CREAM WERE FOUND NEARLY 400 YARDS AWAY
Deputies: Man tried to use potato as silencer on rifle
(Thanks to R&L Stevenson)
AND THEY ALL HAVE VALID FLORIDA LICENSES
Chickens Outnumber People Three To One
(Thanks to Sharon Lurie)
APOCALYPSE UPDATE
NORTH CAROLINA CRIME REPORT
Unfortunately, our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you the North Carolina Crime Report.
(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)
THE ECONOMY
(Thanks to Martini Shark)
CALL FOR THE BUTTER TRUCK NOW
N.B. highway littered with lobsters after truck crash
(Thanks to The Perts)
THEY LEFT WHEN THEY WERE TOLD THEY'D HAVE TO HAVE TO HAVE SOME TESTS
Monkeys Break into Indian Hospital
(Thanks to Ralph)
July 29, 2011
MY MAIN QUESTION IS: HUH?
This blog just received this email:
Hi Dave
Last night Pharrell Williams celebrated the launch of his new liqueur QREAM WITH A Q by throwing a star-studded event at Miami's legendary nightclub LIV at Fountainebleau.
It was an evening spent with close personal friends of Pharrell, celebrity guests including Fat Joe and Trina and one-of-a-kind Qream cocktails and desserts, designed just for the occasion.
Guests were treated to music DJ'd by Q-Tip and Jus Ske, who supplied the perfect soundtrack to accompany the evenings festive atmosphere.
I've attached the press release and a link to download press photos from the event, for your files.
Please let me know if you would like additional details or have any questions about Qream.
Best,Sonia
--Sonia Aneja
Cornerstone
New York
AND THE SO-CALLED 'BUREAU OF CONSUMER PROTECTION' DOES NOTHING
Digital Nipples Used to Fake Sex Scene
(Thanks to Joe in Japan)
THIS WILL ONLY ENCOURAGE THEM TO RORT AGAIN
Doctors who rorted may escape penalties
(Thanks to Joe in Japan)
WOOF, DUDE
Pot patch for your pooch developed in Wash. lab
(Thanks to Craig Roberts)
WE'LL PASS
AS RECOMMENDED BY DOCTORS
Man inserts milk bottle up his bottom 'to relieve constipation'
(Thanks to Loudmouth)
PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER
...for Worms from Hell.
(Thanks to Jeff Matthews)
WE'RE SURE SHE IS VERY PROUD
Pippa Middleton's Rear Is 'Queen of the Booty' in Plastic Surgery Circles
(Thanks to Matt Filar)
SOMETIMES CANADA IS JUST SO... CANADIAN
LADIES: PLEASE MAKE A NOTE OF IT
Enrique Iglesias: I've got world's tiniest todger
(Thanks for the heads up to Loudmouth)
July 28, 2011
CANADA
(Thanks to The Perts)
FUN SUMMER READ
Blood and Tissue Spatter Associated with Chainsaw Dismemberment
(Thanks to Chris Knight)
MONACO TRAFFIC ADVISORY
(Thanks to Jeff in Toronto, Andrew Hoenig and Kendall Avery)
Another version here, blaming it all on a blonde.
(Thanks to Josh)
HE WILL FLAGRANTLY DISREGARD AVIATION NOISE-ABATEMENT PROCEDURES
ATTENTION, WALMART SHOPPERS
(Thanks to Craig Roberts, IndianaGirl and Dave M)
ALEXANDRIA POLICE BLOTTER
Unfortunately, our strict policy prohibits us from bringing you the Alexandria Police Blotter.
(Thanks to Sallye Holloway)
THIS WOULD BE PERFECT FOR I-95 IN MIAMI
SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE STARRING JODIE FOSTER
A family is held hostage by a violent wallaby named Wacker.
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
YOUR AUSTRALIAN TAX DOLLARS AT WORK
The woman, a Commonwealth government employee whose name has been suppressed by the Federal Court, suffered injuries to her nose and mouth, as well as a psychiatric injury, when a light fitting attached to the wall of the hotel she was staying in fell on her head during sex.
(Thanks to Janice Gelb)
YEAH, OKAY, VOTING'S COOL, DUDE
Free pot offered to those who register to vote at Lansing, Mich., clinic
(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger and Loudmouth)
PERHAPS THEY WILL NOW BEFRIEND TILA TEQUILA
PARIS Hilton is “very excited” to have rekindled her friendship with Lindsay Lohan.
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
MUST HAVE BEEN TAKE YOUR CHILD TO WORK DAY
Deputies: Woman with 3-year-old boy robs bank, kid then dropped off at daycare
(Thanks to jon harris)
WE ARE TAKING A POLL BEFORE POSTING
Does our strict policy prevent us from posting this item, or do you think it would be okay?
(Thanks to Fred Hudson)
CSI: BROOKLYN
Fugitive taunts cops on Facebook "catch me if you can" before they find him in Brooklyn apartment
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
July 27, 2011
BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN
Tila Tequila ditching Los Angeles and moving to New York: I want to 'fall in love' and 'have babies'
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, a thrilled New Yorker)
WE FART IN THE GENERAL DIRECTION OF YOUR HIGH-TECH MARKETING CAMPAIGN
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE CAMPFIRE GIRLS?
Pole Dancing Class For 7-Year-Olds Slammed
(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger, who says "The next generation of Real Housewives has to start somewhere.")
IT DEPENDS ON HOW YOU DEFINE 'SPIRITUAL'
BLOGMEN, LOOK AWAY
This one's for the ladies.
Combining two of the s.b.'s main interests in life (men in kilts and barbershop; duh), we bring you the lads of Vocal Spectrum:
(Posted with the permission of Eric, 2nd from left, who is currently out of range of the other three.)
FIRST THE DEBT CRISIS, AND NOW THIS
The World's Largest Men's Underpants have gone missing.
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
POLITICAL UPDATE
Fla. mayor says pot growing in yard was not hers
(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert, who says, "What the Mayor couldn’t explain is why she spent the entire meeting eating potato chips.")
WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE RAMONES
Stinky Mystery Waste Washes Up On Va. Beaches
(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)
SOON WE WILL HAVE NO CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS LEFT
(Thanks to Matt Filar)
Related Update: Judge: 'Free speech' doesn't include barking
(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)