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June 26, 2011


My husband Shane and I are planning a Koi Assisted Water birth for our son, due October 4, 2011. I’ve gotten a few questions, so I thought I’d put together a website.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)


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Why koi?

A. We want our son to smell like fish.
B. We always heard about koi-tusk inter-ruptus, and
wanted pictures.
C. What, you'd rather we use sharks? Don't answer that..
D. We have way too much time on our hands.
E. We are simply nuts.

1- The blood will kill the fish, as will the placenta
2- the fish POOP in the water and your poor child will get this all over him


Something fishy about all this.
"I'm not stupid". Opinions may vary. Please consult your doctor.

Are you planning an unassisted birth?
Uh, no silly! The koi will be there. And, of course, I have a midwife. I’m not stupid.

Just psycho?

MikeyVA if I were there I would tell them how stupid they are, slap her on a hospital bed, and then tell her to deal with it.

My favorite was the final Q&A:

Well, I plan to let the koi guide him up to me. But Shane will be standing by with a net, just in case.

What can go wrong when you expect the goldfish to marshall together and bring the child to the surface? Of course, the father nearby with the net to land their progeny is a sweet touch.

Just when I thought new-age flapdoodle couldn't get more ridiculous...

I’m not stupid.

Uh, no, you're delusional.

Have to agree with the commenters who said it's a joke as no one could be that stupid. My favorite was the one who said when the water was warm enough for the baby, the fish would be cooked and ready for dinner.

Carpy die 'em.

Something in that headline is whispering " No... Don't click on that link ".

Totally natural child birth - the way Mother Nature intended. After she'd had WAY TOO MUCH Codral4Flu. And why is it always someone named "Shane"?

Sounds like she wants to multitask and get a fish pedicure at the same time.

You know Shane, you gotta hook 'em before you net 'em.

Call Hollywood...we have a new origin story for Aquaman!

We plan to do a Potassium Permanganate treatment in early labor...then you neutralize it with hydrogen peroxide...Potassium Permanganate it is. Bonus - it's purple.

Ah, this must be one of those new "natural childbirths" I've heard so much about.


I can't wait to hear what they name the little koi-boy.

What if one releases some pirahnas into the pond? BWAAAHAHAHA!

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