NAPWWATT

WASHINGTON -- The National Association of People Who Worry About These Things (NAPWWATT) today reported that this year's graduating high-school seniors are even dumber than last year's, many of whom are still stumbling around the back of the auditorium trying to get their commencement gowns off. NAPWWATT reported that 66 percent of this year's seniors failed a nationwide scholastic test consisting of the question, "What does a duck say?"

This is pretty pathetic. When I was in high school, we were expected to know what a duck says. Oh, sure, I've forgotten a lot of this stuff, but at least I used to know it, which gives me the right to express smug contempt thinly disguised as grave concern for the young people of today.

Comments

[Rich]

We all know what a duck says: AFLAC!!

[Just Ducky]

*Ahem*

QUACK!!!!!

Thankyouverymuch.

[nursecindy]

Waves at Ducky! I've never seen this column before and again it is right on the money. I recently attended my daughter's College graduation and thought she was doing pretty well until she said the speaker was boring. He was a former Navy Seal, had worked in the White House and had met, plus educated, many famous people. Some of which I had actually heard of. I'm not sure why she thought this distinguished man was boring. I would like to know what she considers worth listening to though. btw, when I previewed my comment I realized I had misspelled 'College'. Maybe she's doing better than I thought.

[Just Ducky]

*Waves at nursecindy!* If you knew enough to notice and correct the error, that counts. And I'd guess she might find Lady GagMe Gaga exciting.

*Gets on Geezer Soapbox*

WE used to learn grammar and spelling in elementary school, and didn't have computers with spellcheck and phones to text with that completely ruined our ability to write a coherent sentence.

*Steps off Soapbox*

[Loudmouth]

And walked both ways uphill in blizzard snow and Death Valley heat with no shoes.

BTW, my daughter graduated HS yesterday cum laude, Nat Honor Society, top construction technology student and International Baccalaureate student. I'm very proud of her.

[Ralph]

In order to get my B.S. in wildlife biology, I had to take field ornithology, which required knowing what every bird we saw (hundreds of species) sounded like. I was not adequately prepared in high school, where although I had frequently heard the call of "duck you," I was not familiar with the sounds of less common Addlepated Twits. Unfortunately, the class was full of grad students and hard-core birders, so I just barely passed. As far as I know, high schools still do not prepare people for properly speaking duck talk.

[Just Ducky]

Congrats to your girlchild, Loudmouth! You should be very proud.

[Loudmouth]

Ralphie, when I took ornithology the professor fooled 1/2 the class with tree frogs and gold finches are yellow because they eat marigolds.

[Steve]

My wife was a teacher in Kentucky. About a decade ago, they "reformed" education in that state. The way it was set up, a school could get the highest test scores in the area and be declared "failing" because it didn't advance from the school scores for the previous year.
Continual advancement was mandatory. Same teacher, different students each year, but scores must go up!
It was supposed to be based on business principles.
Maybe that's why the economy is in the state it's in.

[Izzy Cerius]

Alarming Study Shows U.S. Falling Behind in Alarming Studies

by Izzy Cerius

WASHINGTON, December 27, 2010 -- A new joint study released by the Skize Institute and the Fallun Foundation reports that the United States has fallen to third place among the nations of the world in releasing studies about falling behind the nations of the world.

The statistics from the Skize-Fallun study show that China and India are now producing more alarming studies about falling behind other nations than the US.

China produced 26 such studies in the last calendar year and India was a close runner up with 23. The United States produced 15, followed by Britain, with 13, and Germany with 11.

The lead investigator on the study, Doctor Iva May Dupname, said that while the figures are alarming, "It's all a matter of priorities. We can easily return number one at not being number one with an injection of funding from public and private sources. Especially to my department."

Historian Ima Faye Kname of the National Consortium for Studies of International Studies and co-author of the study study pointed out that the Soviet launch of Sputnik in 1954 provided a similar impetus to the American system, "especially since they didn't actually launch Sputnik until 1957."

Professor Kname continued that the US and the Soviet Union were in a neck and neck race for superiority of inferiority until the USSR collapsed of its own bureaucratic weight at the end of the 1980s, leaving the US to fall behind alone as the sole remaining superpower.

Harry Nukledragger of the conservative think tank The Bigness Institute faulted the liberal policies of the Obama Administration. "I don't know why," Mr Nukledragger said, "but it's his fault. I just know it."

-- 30 --

[Ross]

Well, just look at the condition of the USA of today and look at what Dave wrote in 1985. Is anyone surprised that the Chinese own all your base?

[eil]

And now they want to do away with teaching cursive writing. Ten years from now, kids won't be able to read the Constitution because it wasn't texted or tweeted to them. And funny, Izzy Cerius!

[Donald]

Everyone wants to know what the duck says, but no one asks.