Dave Barry's Blog

POWER SUITS

So what CAN you ladies do to prepare for swimsuit season? You can do what we men have been doing, with great success, for so many years: nothing.

COMING SOON TO THE OLYMPICS

Men and their inflatable dolls compete in swimming race in Lithuania

(Thanks to Jeffrey Brown)

WHO SAYS ROMANCE IS DEAD?

Not this blog.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

SOMEHOW WE MISSED THIS ON ESPN

The 2011 World Predator Calling Championship AND Wild Hog Extravaganza.

(Thanks to Annie Where-but-here)

CSI: BLACKLICK

BLACKLICK, Ohio -- According to a Columbus Police report, on Sunday, May 22, a woman opened the door of her house on Camshire Court in Blacklick and found a naked man hiding in her laundry room.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

WHICH COULD EXPLAIN SOME OF THEIR QUESTIONABLE DECISIONS REGARDING SWIMWEAR

Middle-aged men have 'hotness delusion syndrome'

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

ATTENTION, CRAZY PEOPLE FUN-LOVERS:

The Post Hunt is this Sunday.

More here.

WOMEN

Do not mess with them.

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger and PhilinTexas)

STAY CLASSY, GIRL

Jersey Shore star Snooki puts two Italian police officers in hospital after crashing into patrol car

(Thanks to many people)

MEANWHILE ABROAD II

Swedish King Carl XVI Gustaf denies visiting strip club

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

PAGING SAMUEL L. JACKSON

Vietnamese find snakes on a train

(Thanks to W. von Papineau, jon harris and Mark Schlesinger)

CANADIAN CRIME ROUNDUP

Police baffled by exploding excrement

This has been the Canadian Crime Roundup.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

DOO-DAH, DOO-DAH

Llama Poop Helped Inca Thrive

(Thanks to Chuck Cody and Ralph)

WHY YOU SHOULD CUT DOWN ON THE SNACKS

Girl has more than 30 ants in her ears

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

'DOES THIS BACON TASTE FUNNY TO YOU?'

Plague of ravenous mice eat farmer John Gregory's pigs

Key Excerpt: Now, as a desperate last resort, he is covering his pigs at a farm property in Wynarka, 130km east of Adelaide, in engine oil to protect them from the mice, with the rodents apparently turned off by the taste.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

MEANWHILE ABROAD

Swedish police called to fight beaver invasion

(Thanks to Dr. Doug, Ralph and Mark Schlesinger)

NATURE UPDATE

Butterflies close wings to avoid sex

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

EVERYBODY INVOLVED HAS A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

An elephant flips a car.

(Thanks to jeff Matthews)

HE HAD HIS REASONS

Phoenix police: Man shot at grounded airplane

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

AND THEY ALL HAVE VALID FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES

Cows run amok on Ont. highway

(Thanks to The Perts)

ART burrrrppp UPDATE

Recently, French-born, Berlin-based artist Cyprien Gaillard built a pyramid out of 72,000 bottles of beer at KW Institute for Contemporary Art in Berlin and invited visitors to contribute in a key way: by getting bombed on it.

(Thanks to Philippe "Mr. Petanque USA" Boets)

TODAY

Have a good Memorial Day. But please remember why it's called Memorial Day.

ADVISORY

Beware! Hand sanitizers can get you drunk

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

NOT WHAT YOU THINK, UNFORTUNATELY

A short, sweet nudibranch

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

WOOF

A 25-year-old Naples woman was arrested Friday morning after biting her roommate when the two were arguing about a dog, police reported.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

IN MIAMI IT'S MORE LIKE 117 PERCENT

A new survey by the GMAC National Drivers Test shows that almost one in five drivers in the U.S. should not be driving, according to a GMAC Insurance press release.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

A Bronx man was arrested yesterday for threatening to blow up WPIX-11 headquarters if it kept airing reruns of the suspended "Two and a Half Men," sources said.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

SOON TO BE DATING SNOOKI

Bigfoot captured on video near Spokane

(Thanks to Loudmouth)

LITERARY UPDATE

The Night Dave Barry Called Me An Ignorant Slut

TENNESSEE CULINARY UPDATE

Nashville residents cook, eat cicadas

(Thanks to Ralph)

 

POOR POLICE PROCEDURE

A Zimbabwean police sergeant got in trouble for piddling in the presidential privy without permission, official said.

(Thanks to Ralph)

YOU WILL, HOWEVER, STILL BE ALLOWED TO BUY COFFEE FROM THE MARIJUANA SHOPS

The Dutch government said Friday that it will ban tourists from buying marijuana from the Netherlands' famed "coffee shops."

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

SOMETHING IS TERRIBLY WRONG

Miami's number SIX?

(Thanks to The Amazing Steve)

MICHELANGELO DID THIS ALSO

Conceptual Artist Cherry Tree Makes Perfume From Her Urine

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

OR YOU COULD JUST DEVELOP A, YOU KNOW, LIFE

How often did your child fill his or her diaper today? How quickly did you take care of the messes? If a new iPhone app which includes a "Poo Management" feature is any indication, these are questions you should be able to answer.

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

ALONG WITH SNOOKI

Jumping cockroach among the Top 10 new species of 2010

(Thanks to The Perts)

LIKE THE GODFATHER, ONLY WITH POPSICLES

Police Called In Over Feud Between Ice Cream Vendors

(Thanks to Chris Elzi)

IF THIS IS NOT THE GREATEST STORY OF 2011 SO FAR, THEN THIS BLOG KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT JOURNALISM

Horse herpes outbreak forces rodeo queens to ride stick ponies

(Thanks to Kathryn LeMair and Steve [The Other Steve] Lancaster)

A FLORIDA LICENSE IS ON THE WAY

Naked man crashes truck into house, tenant fights off man with hammer

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)

THAT WAS ALSO OUR IMPRESSION, WHEN WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE VILLAGE PEOPLE

Australia's burping cows more climate friendly than thought

(Thanks to jon harris)

DON'T TRY THAT IN INDIANA

Flash Mob Dance Party Breaks Out As Stripper Works Pole On NYC ‘L’ Train

(Thanks to Siouxie and Jeff Meyerson)

CSI: CLAYTON COUNTY

Thieves Steal $10,000 Worth Of Weave

(Thanks to Amber Harmon)

GREAT! WE'VE BEEN WONDERING HOW TO GET RID OF THEM.

Super Flush Toilet Can Swallow Golf Balls

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

AND THE SO-CALLED 'UNITED NATIONS HUMAN RIGHTS COUNCIL' DOES NOTHING

Swedish prisoner warned over flatulence protests

(Thanks to Joe in Japan)

DUDE

Wanna buy a house?

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

'I'M FROM NEW YORK. CAN'T I DO THIS HERE?'

Indiana Cops Bust Man Wearing Only Olive Oil

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)

SOON WE WILL HAVE NO FUNDAMENTAL HUMAN RIGHTS LEFT

Iowa bar owners ticketed over illegal mouse racing

(Thanks to Ralph)

NO WORD ON WHETHER SHE HAD A LICENSE TO CARRY IT

Sheriff's deputies in Collier County, Fla, say the 49-year-old attacked her male roommate with butter on May 21.

(Thanks to nursecindy and Jeff Meyerson)

WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ROSES HAD... OH, WAIT, NEVER MIND

Suit seeks $15,000 for rose thorn prick

(Thanks to nursecindy)

PASTAFARIAN DISCRIMINATION UPDATE

Student punished for spaghetti beliefs

(Thanks to nursecindy)