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March 28, 2011


In case you didn't know, Philip Morris is test-marketing a new brand of cigarettes called "Dave's." Over the past year I've seen big billboard advertisements for "Dave's" cigarettes in Seattle and Denver. These are folksy ads; one of them features a tractor. The message is that "Dave's" is a folksy brand of cigarette, produced by a down-to-earth, tractor-driving guy named "Dave" for ordinary people who work hard and make an honest living, at least until they start coughing up big folksy chunks of trachea.


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What a coincidence. My cat went Geoffrey C Bible on the carpet this morning.

What do you mean that Dave in Concord, NC doesn't exist? I saw him coughing his remaining lung out at Harris Teeter last week!

What is the best title for this story?


b) Dave likes butt jokes, butt does not like to be the butt of jokes

c) Why 'Jeffrey' doesn't spell his name 'Geoffrey'

d) (for24fans,whichSHOULDbeONtonightbuttisn't): Montpelier

The Force used to be called Dave, before the Jedi got a hold of it and messed things up.

Chong: "Dave's not here."

Cheech: No man, I got a Dave. I wanna light it up and see how high we get (giggle)".

Chong: "DAve's not here."

Cheech: "No, Man I'm Dave. And I got Dave. To smoke."

Chong: "what kind of cannibal would smoke his best friend, man? That's really messed up."

Hypothetical Dialogue from the new Cheech & Chong
reunion album.

'geoffrey c. bible' can be rearranged to spell "fleecy fiber gob".

also "cyborg beef life"

and (drumroll...)

"gerbil by coffee"

The story is fictional. Dave's address is actually Kannapolis.

So I looked up what happened to this product, and apparently Dave killed it. By that I mean our Dave killed the cigarette brand, and not that a cigarette killed a hapless dupe.

Philip Morris execs including Geoffrey were so wounded by this column that they decided to exit the tobacco industry to focus on their "clean green" nuclear subsidiary in Japan. It's all about serving the people.

I've known plenty of people who made their own cigarettes and some of them were probably named "Dave".
I don't remember any association with tobacco, though.

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