« December 2010 | Main | February 2011 »

January 27, 2011

FOR YOUR SPECIAL SOMEONE, ASSUMING HE IS HANNIBAL LECTER

Happy Valentine's Day!

CB400_ZMB_Cut_Outs-0004_1
(Thanks to nursecindy)

LOOK! UP IN THE SKY!

Dude.

(Thanks to Bill Isenberg and Bill Hudgins)

Related Upate: Want a soda, dude?

(Thanks to nursecindy)

NO WORD ON WHETHER THIS PROBLEM EXTENDS TO FLATULENCE

Man sues over inability to 'urinate on demand'

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

THE MIAMI MYSTERY SANDBAR PIANO

You will be stunned to learn that alcohol was involved.

January 26, 2011

AHOY, LADIES:

Who wants to date a sea captain?

(Thanks to Andrew Hoenig)

OR, MISTER POTATO HEAD

One of the tortillas had a large brown spot that resembled the Virgin Mary holding the Baby Jesus.

(Thanks to David Kirtley)

WITH A MINOR IN HERMAN'S HERMITS

Canadian woman first to graduate with Beatles degree

(Thanks to The Perts)

COUPLE OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Man Seeks Protection From Sex-Crazed Wife in Germany

(Thanks to Steve @ Secret Location and Rick Chandler)

SPORTS UPDATE

Today's Hanging Rock Cup raceday has been postponed because of kangaroos on the track.

(Thanks to Jenny Kellner)

GOJIRA

5-foot Monitor lizard wanders Calif. neighborhood

(Thanks to Gael C.)

YOUR TEXAS SPORTS UPDATE

Live chicks, fish tossed during Fort Worth pep rally

This has been Your Texas Sports Update.

(Thanks to Ralph)

THE TEQUILA SHOT

There's a right way, and a wrong way.

(Thanks to Greg Snow)

ATTENTION, LADIES

Valentine's Day is coming.

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

ALERT CITIZEN OF THE WEEK SO FAR

1714 — A Wallis Court resident reported she had a bomb from World War II, and would like someone to check to see if it is dangerous. An officer took pictures of it and forwarded them to a bomb specialist to get more information.

(Thanks to marfie)

THEY WERE ALL ON VIBRATE

Woman tries to smuggle 44 iPhones -- in her stockings

(Thanks to bonmot, who says, "There's a rap for that.")

UPDATE ON MIAMI'S MYSTERY SANDBAR PIANO

Theories involve Elton John and the Titanic.

January 25, 2011

REMINDS US OF COLLEGE

Imagine being attacked by one of your own hands, which repeatedly tries to slap and punch you. Or you go into a shop and when you try to turn right, one of your legs decides it wants to go left, leaving you walking round in circles.

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)

GOES GREAT WITH POTATOWATER

MeatWater.

(Thanks to RussellMc)

AND THE SO-CALLED 'UNITED NATIONS' DOES NOTHING

MTV's 'Jersey Shore' headed to Italy for upcoming fourth season

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias and Mark Schlesinger)

HEY, CHICAGO:

Get over it.

(Thanks to oneblankspace)

WOOF

"I would absolutely give up my girlfriend for him," Martinez said. "I know it sounds insane but I've had numerous relationships with women. My dog has never let me down."

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

STUPID FUN ORAL FASHON STATEMENT

Light-up braces.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

AFTER WHICH IT PEED ON HIM

Firefighter uses mouth-to-snout to revive Chihuahua

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

THANKS, BUT WE'LL JUST WALK

A German man has won a £20,000 Mini Cooper - after he agreed to have the brand's logo tattooed on his manhood.

(Thanks to B'game, who says "I'd prefer a Hummer")

SO IT IS READY TO PARTY

For the last 8,000 years, the wine grape has had very little sex.

(Thanks to Bryan Miller)

WE'D IDENTIFY WITH OUR STATE

...but our identity has been stolen.

(Thanks to jon harris)

HOW COLD IS IT?

It's cold.

(Thanks to Punkin)

HE WON'T GET FAR WITHOUT CHANGING UNDERWEAR

A stunt in which a man filmed himself being run over by a high speed train has been branded as "stupidity in the extreme".

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WE THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME

Scientists Use Light to Make Worms 'Dance'

(Thanks to Greg Snow, who asks, "Ever wonder how disco got started?")

NOT CREEPY AT ALL!

A man and his doll.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

IT MUST BE TRUE, BECAUSE IT WAS PUBLISHED ON THE INTERNET

Archaeologists claim to have discovered remains of winged humans

(Thanks to Ted Gilman)

THERE ARE NO HIJINKS....

...like Ohio state legislator hijinks.

(Thanks to Ralph)

MUST HAVE BEEN A HELL OF A PARTY

Somebody left a piano on a sandbar in Biscayne Bay.

Piano.embedded.prod_affiliate.56

January 24, 2011

WHY WE LOVE SOUTH FLORIDA, REASON #2,038

Because when you go downstairs to have lunch, sometimes you see dolphins.

THEY HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO OBEY

Two British pensioners landed in hospital in southern Germany after their car's global positioning system directed them to drive into a church.

(Thanks to RussellMc)

MUSH

Sled dogs.

(Thanks to Annie Where-but-here)

SUDDENLY, A LOT OF GERMAN GUYS...

...are making dental appointments.

(Thanks to Suzie W. Wacvet)

HE WON'T GET FAR WITHOUT TARTAR SAUCE

Cookeville police said a burglar left this note on an apartment bulletin board: "Eat more fish."

(Thanks to Wayne Wood)

WHOA

Horse called Mischief gets stuck in swimming pool

(Thanks to Siouxie)

SPORTS UPDATE

Mark Sanchez shows why he's the starting QB.

(Thanks to Mr. Jeff Arch)

DAKOTA II

WE CAN ONLY IMAGINE WHAT MICHELANGELO WOULD HAVE DONE WITH THIS MEDIUM

A sculptor has created a bizarre sculpture of romantic fiction author Dame Barbara Cartland - out of marzipan.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

'TIL DEATH DO YOU PART

People are getting married in funeral homes.

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)

SOMEBODY HAS TO DO IT

Undercover police cleared 'to have sex with activists'

(Thanks to Warren Anderson)

YOUR PERSONAL GROOMING UPDATE FROM VIETNAM

Ew.

This has been Your Personal Grooming Update from Vietnam.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

THERE IS NO REASON FOR CIVILIANS TO POSSESS THEM

Man assaults brother with muffler

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

DRUGS IN NATURE

The Happiest Penguin Ever.

(Thanks to ScottMGS)

WE'RE WETTING OUR PANTS IN ANTICIPATION

March 5: Potty Dance Party!

...the dance encourages kids to embrace the excitement of potty training and celebrate success.

(Thanks to Horace LaBadie)

FINALLY

What Paris Hilton would have looked like 2 million years ago

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

GIVE IT UP FOR THE SCOTS

They're fighting for your fundamental human right to eat sheep lungs.

(Thanks to WriterDude)

 
Terms of Service | Privacy Policy | Copyright | About The Miami Herald | Advertise