RESISTANCE IS FUTILE

...you pass the long night alone, hour after hour, just you and the miniature candy bars. After a while they start calling seductively to you from their bowl in their squeaky little voices. "Hey, Big Boy!" they call. "We're going to waste over here!"

Comments

[Horace LaBadie]

The tell-tale chocolate stains on your legs will give you away every time.

[Layzeeboy]

Oddly enough, the revolting candy corn never does that to me. Reese's Cups, yes, candy corn no.

[judi the barberho]

layzeeboy: i think the main problem with candy corn is that it's really just sugar and food coloring, so if you do end up eating ONE, then you want more.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Dressed as a witch last night. As I handed some candy to a little Dorothy (ruby slippers and all), our black scottie terrier (spittin' image of Toto) took off down the street. Dorothy sprinted to catch him. Someone yelled, "Run, Dorothy, run!"

I had to say, "I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog, too!"

[Siouxie]

I feel your pain, Dave. Several miniature Snickers bars made their way into my mouth last night. I can see them attached to my butt & thighs now.

[Elon]

Obviously, you could solve all those problems by assuming that no one is going to come anymore, and thus forget the whole thing.

[wiredog]

"tiny Milky Ways crawling up my legs. "
See, things like that are why I gave up hallucinogenics.

[Annie Where-but-here]

We were under siege last night for nearly 4 hours. Ran completely out of candy. By 9 pm, I was giving away beef jerky and pudding. :(

[nursecindy]

I bought 3 batches of Halloween candy. The first batch was what I call the 'test' batch. In other words I ate it before Halloween. The 2nd one was the good stuff or chocolate. The 3rd was what I actually gave the trick or treaters. This was lollipops and other stuff I don't like. The little miniature Hershey bars put up a tough fight. I told them that as a diabetic I could not eat them but then they said that was why I spent all that money on insulin. A very good argument. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go back to the pharmacy to pick up more insulin.

[Not My Usual Alias]

We almost ran out of fried eggs and beer.

[wiredog]

From that pillar of the Eastern Literary Establishment, The Atlantic, a history of candy corn.

[bonmot]

If you live a crappy neighborhood for trick-or-treating, you will look to go walk a neighborhood with the highest income per smallest lot ratio. For example, in the really rich neighborhoods, the yards are too big and most of the driveways gated. In the newest suburbs, the lots might be smaller, but so is average household income, meaning crappier candy.

My 1940's platted neighborhood, however, is a target rich zone, which soon resembles Nuevo Laredo.

After 8:00 p.m., after all the local neighborhood kids have gone by, an armada or fifteen-year old Suburbans come down my street and park at the far end. Very soon thereafter, my neighborhood looks like a scene from Apocalypto.

So I pass out Chicklets to cries of "Viva America!"

Is that wrong?

[bonmot]

^"of", not "or"

[Braniff]

Ah yes...the siren call of the 3 Musketeers.

[fivver]

bonmot, when we first moved in here it was the ONLY subdivision in what was then a rural area. The kids were brought in by the busload.

[sandy]

*fond truly scary memories of getting 'egged & shaving creamed'.... a pillowcase full 'o candy, not a parent in sight*

[Annie Where-but-here]

Us, too, fivver, but that was 15 years ago, and they're still doing it. In the name of St. Hershey, somebody make them stop!

[Christine O'Donnell]

So that was you last night, Annie...! I thought I recognized you...

[Diva]

I wish we had a neighborhood like that, but in the inner city, you don't get too many kids unless they're the next door neighbors. We had a total of 3 groups all night. *sigh* I'm making my roommate take the Kit Kats to work with her!

[Wes S.]

I don't get trick-or-treaters in my apartment complex. It's in a not-so-nice part of town, and odds are anybody knocking on the door after dark is a tweaker, not a kid looking for Halloween candy.

And judging from the state of the typical tweaker's teeth, they don't need any more candy. OTOH, some of 'em could do a walk-on turn as a zombie in AMC's The Walking Dead. Without makeup.

[Steve]

My wife's farmhouse is 1/3 mile off the country lane and the gate is nearly two miles from the main road.
She still asked me to get a large bag of candy from Walmart.
Personally, I was sick nearly every day for over ten years before I found out what was causing that. So, I don't eat sugar. (Call me a slow learner).
I guess all that candy will go to waste.
Wait, where'd it go?

[judi the barberho]

i buy halloween stickers, fake tattoos, creepy crawlies, plastic rings, etc. after halloween every year (so they are super cheap) and keep them to give away the next year ;) kids actually seem to like rummaging around in the bowl o' toys to choose a couple of things. some little ones take FOREVER choosing, so i just say 'take whatever you want' - it's not as if there are lots of people coming by. most of the time i have about 10 groups of people all evening. and many of them are teenagers not wearing costumes, so nyeah to them 'cause they don't get candy :) but they still take stuff.

[Annie Where-but-here]

I keep ancient, sticky, Jolly Rancher candies around just for the teenagers who don't wear costumes.

(Steve - it's a nightmare trick or treating in the country, too. No streetlights, houses are so far apart and usually have hidden ditches and guard animals of some sort. You haven't truly lived until your costume has been shredded to pieces by an attack goose.)

[Elon]

Brilliant Annie! I once remember suggesting giving those teens chili peppers or *horrors* carrot sticks or apples, but old candy looks much more innocent.

[Ralph]

Last night, I left treats in my minivan parked in front of the house, and used my key fob to open the minivan side door when my doorbell rang. The damn kids these days are too used to that stuff -- I needed an actual ghost or something.

The leftover treats went in a "Help Yourself" box this morning, left on a post in front of my driveway where the kids wait for the school bus. The damn kids these days are too polite -- they didn't clean it out.

[Meanie the Blue]

Mr. Goodbar is looking for you!

[Girlogic]

We are too far out in the boondocks for trick-or-treaters, and my kids (teenagers now) never went for the same reason. What's great is that my friends and family feel sorry for them and bring them candy. Who'd have thought?