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October 21, 2010

WE HAVE GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS

This it the good news. The bad news is, this means more Jersey Shore.

(Thanks to jon harris and queensbee)

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Now how am I going to pay these credit card bills?

Geez, after I set up all my mortgages with balloon payments for the day after the earth ends, this news.

There's still hope, Cubs fans!

And another article said it was off by about 60 days. So who knows...

Maya, what big days you have!

It may already have happened! In which case, this is the afterlife. Which explains Snooki.

I second wiredog's identification of the crucial phrase in this story. (P.S. If it's already happened, it explains a lot more than Snooki.)

I've heard of people fearing that the world is ending selling all their possessions. This puzzles me.
What do they need the money for?
I understand that there is some guru forecasting the end and urging them on.
But don't they wonder why he needs it?

A rich old man called together his doctor, his lawyer and his priest. He told them he was dying, and didn't believe "you can't take it with you." So he gave them each $1 million cash and made them swear they'd come to his funeral and put it in the coffin with him.

The fateful day rolled 'round, and the doctor nervously stepped up to the corpse, pretended to check for a pulse, and surreptitiously ('syrupticiously' tastes better) slipped a wad of cash into the coffin.

The priest approached and gave the sign of the cross over the coffin, slipping a wad of bills in at the same time.

The lawyer strode boldly up to the body, took an envelope from his suitcoat breast pocket, stuffed in the old man's breast pocket, gave it a pat, and went on to the wake.

At the wake, the doctor and the priest were nervously eyeing each other when the lawyer approached them. "Well," he said, "how'd it go?"

The priest said, "I'm afraid I have a confession to make. I had all that cash, and I succumbed to the temptation to use it. I did good works with it on the poor side of town, but I only put half a million in the old man's coffin."

The doctor said, "Oh, thank God, Father. I too, felt the temptation, and used half a million to buy an MRI machine for use in my clinic on the poor side of town. We've already saved three lives! But I only put half a million in the coffin."

The lawyer said, "I am APALLED! You gave a solemn vow to a dying man to fufill his last wish, and I want you to know that my personal check for the full $1 million dollars is in the grave with that man right now!"

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