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October 31, 2010
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Let's keep it classy out there.
(Thanks to Horace LaBadie)
SO WE'RE ASSUMING THERE WAS NO TIP
October 30, 2010
IN FLORIDA...
ATTENTION, TRICK-OR-TREATERS:
Do not go to this guy's house.
(Thanks to Suzie Q. Wacvet)
MARWAN UPDATE
WHEN THEY SAY TAKE A NUMBER, YOU'D BETTER TAKE A NUMBER
Activists push to arm 14,000 delis with legal guns
(Thanks to David Rogers)
THIS PRETTY MUCH DESCRIBES OUR COLLEGE EXPERIENCE
'Walking corpse syndrome'
(Thanks to Jenny Kellner)
NEXT: STARBUCKS
Internet Reception Reaches Summit of Mount Everest
(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)
WE HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE HE'S SINGLE
A man has had a tattoo of a full breakfast created on his head...
(Thanks to Ken Morgan)
IS THERE AN OFFICER PROBLEM?
Complaint: Cathedral City police officer stripped down naked for swim
(Thanks to Allen at Division)
October 29, 2010
WE'RE SURE THERE'S A PERFECTLY INNOCENT EXPLANATION
Man Arrested With 2,060 Diamonds In Stomach
(Thanks to jon harris)
BECAUSE OF OUR STRICT ETC.
(Thanks to Hulexfour)
MEANWHILE IN CANADA
Beaver blamed for causing fire
(Thanks to Matt Filar)
THEY'LL HAVE TO FAX IT
Bolivians rule out mailing mummy to France
(Thanks to Joe in Japan)
October 28, 2010
IT HAS ALREADY GONE ON STRIKE
Successor to Paul the Octopus is French
(Thanks to Joe in Japan)
APPARENTLY THEY'RE NOT VEGANS
Victoria police break up brothers' violent fight over size of steak
Key Excerpt: When police arrived, they saw the younger brother had punched out some of the drywall as well as a computer monitor. The brother had also took a toaster into the bathroom and threatened to kill himself by throwing into a bathtub full of water.
(Thanks to Chuck Cody)
GUYS: DO NOT MAKE THIS MISTAKE
WORST-DRIVING-SONGS-OF-ALL-TIME SURVEY
A FLORIDA LICENSE
SENIORS GONE WILD
GOD HELP THE AMWAY REPRESENTATIVE
October 27, 2010
MOST INTERESTING OPENING SENTENCE OF A HORSE-RACING STORY SO FAR THIS WEEK
WE NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD LIVE TO SEE THIS DAY
Kimberly-Clark rolls out tube-free Scott toilet paper
(Thanks to Chuck Cody and John Regan)
STAY CLASSY, AUSTRALIA
STAND TALL, LANSING
THE SHRINKAGE DEFENSE
Man charged with indecent exposure argues his genitals not big enough to warrant a charge
(Thanks to Matt Filar and Chuck Cody)
BULLETIN BULLETIN
Newly Discovered Snub-Nosed Monkey Sneezes in the Rain
(Thanks to Jeff Matthews)
WE SAW KISSES N' SNOT OPEN FOR GUNS N' ROSES
Primary school teacher uses kisses, snot to punish students
(Thanks to John Grant and Joe in Japan)
October 26, 2010
IT WAS TOTALLY SELF-DEFENSE
WILLISTON, N.D. – Police in Williston arrested a man who allegedly shot a urinal in a local bar.
(Thanks to Matt Filar and Allen at Division)
KINKY
Spanish Prostitutes Must Wear Traffic Vests
(Thanks to Jack and oldfatguy)
BUT HE'S ALSO DATING SNOOKI
Sesame Street's Bert Suggests He May Be Gay
(Thanks to queensbee)
WE'RE SURE HE SAW IT COMING
Paul the Psychic Octopus has gone to that big aquarium in the sky.
(Thanks to many people)
WE SAW CROTCH CUT OPEN FOR WHITESNAKE
Police try to help man with crotch cut
(Thanks to Chuck Cody)
WE'RE NOT OFFENDED, BECAUSE WE CAN'T COUNT THAT HIGH
HELLO, CUSTOMER SERVICE?
PAGING SAMUEL L. JACKSON'S AGENT
(Thanks to Ralph)
WEATHER UPDATE
(Thanks to many people)
October 25, 2010
NEVER (BURRRPPP) FORGET
WE'RE SURE IT WAS PERFECTLY INNOCENT
WTF causing commotion in Wakefield
(Thanks to Steve [The Other Steve] Lancaster)
THE HIGH-WATER MARK OF HUMAN CIVILIZATION, FOR NOW
THE NEW WICHITA CONVENTION CENTER LOGO
IT'S ELECTION TIME AGAIN
Thank the Humor Gods that campaigns are back to "normal."
ATTENTION, WOMEN OF FASHION
ODDLY ENOUGH, THERE ARE NO SWIMMING POOLS IN BUFFALO
Couple finds buffalo in swimming pool
(Thanks to Joe in Japan)
LADIES: WE BELIEVE HE IS SINGLE
BONUS FACT: Graham has also collected stamps, bakery bags and McDonalds tray liners.
(Thanks to Matt Filar)
CSI: HALLANDALE BEACH
YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HE DOES IF YOU TICKLE HIM
Aggressive Elmo irks Times Square
"He swears and curses. Times Square was better when he was gone," the guy dressed as Batman told the New York Daily News after the surly Elmo returned from a hiatus of a few months.
(Thanks to Ralph and Matt Filar)
THERE'S NO TELLING HOW MUCH DAMAGE THEY WOULD HAVE DONE
Bomb Squad Defuses Box Full of Kittens
(Thanks to Warren Anderson)