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August 16, 2010


Cops: Minn. guy going 178 in Corvette was drunk

(Thanks to oneblankspace)


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So he won't even remember what happened or how his leather seats got soiled. Pity.

Hopefully the badgers will stop him next time. They can be pretty tough.

Cop: Do you know how fast you were going?

Johnson: *hic!*

Passenger: Oh, it was at least 178, possibly 180!

Johnson: *smacks passenger*

I always wondered why people went so fast in sports cars until I bought a Mustang Cobra. Then I realized that my usual 20 min. trip to the grocery store was taking me about 5 mins. top. I was going over 100 mph and didn't realize it. At least that's what I told the nice S.C. police officer who let me off with a warning.

Did you have to flash him, cindy, or were tears good enough?


What is "fourth degree drunk driving" as opposed to first, second and third? Does it depend on how fast he was going or how drunk he was?

Wadena County, MN, "Where you can fly under the radar."

He already has his Florida license. He drives like that on I-95 all the time!

Jeff, I cried because the buttons had fallen off my shirt but I'm sure that he was just being nice and helpful and that had nothing to do with it.

If you died at that speed, would you even know it?

This guy can trade stories with the European driver who recently received a $1 million speeding ticket.

We doan nee no steekin' badgers!

At that speed, you could drive through Lake Woebegon in .27 seconds.

I worked with a doctor who was someting of a wag. He owned a porsche, and like to let it go along a particular stretch of I495 and had acquired a bit of a reputation among the staties who patrolled there. The last one who pulled him over commented, "I've been waiting to meet you." To which he responded, "Well, I got here as fast as I could." No ticket.

Gawd these drunk drivers in the US just have no imagination.

For example, in response to the officer's remark "your eyes are red, unfocused and you smell like booze...have you been drinking?", the appropriate response is "Officer, your eyes are glazed...have you been eating donuts?"

Trust me...having spent 30 years as a police officer, the suggested response will have the officer collapsing in mirth, and eliminate the possibilty of being arresterd.

Or perhaps not...

Ossifer, I needed salt fer my margrita an thot Bonniville was the best place to get it. Am I there yet?

You shouldn't drink @n drive, you might hit a bump and spill some.

There's always the "Ossifer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am."

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