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May 18, 2010


...which means it's probably a lie.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)


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It's obvious really, lying takes skill.

#2--"I don't know where it is--I haven't touched it!" Sure, baby...

And your point is.....?

What about:

Wife: Honey, did you hear what I just said?

Husband: Yes, of course I was listening.

But most men's lies have to do with not wounding their wife's feelings.

Mot, Braniff - you are both well over your limits today.

Allen - TMI.

No, those pants don't make you look fat. Neither does the thong.


"You look just fine."

We all know women don't lie.

"Yes I did, sweetheart and it was the best sex EVER!"

No really, I old do I look?

Ubb...ahhmmm...mmmbb...Honey, you look great!


Men: [-----]= 9 inches

She: I bought some new bed linens this week.
He: Any pillows?
She: Of course not!

Is this a new article?
Of course it is!

*smacks Meanie with down-filled, lace-trimmed bolster*

I was at the office.

No, Annie, you look GREAT in those pants!

Drunk! Me? Never! Wanna shee me walk a shtrahate line?

Of course baby, you're my first.

Apparently cell phone coverage sucks in the UK.

Oh, and Siouxie: font size matters. I'm at least 128 pt Roman on that scale. But then again, WYSIWYG.

We don't want to wear the black hat.
So men lie to dodge spousal combat.
But the question of doom
that's sunk many a groom:
"Does this make my ass look too fat?"

How are we supposed to trust or believe a study about lying when all the data is self-reported?

How do we know they weren't all lying on every question asked?

Did they account for the fact that most politicians are men which will skew the results?

"Don't worry baby. It happens to men all the time." No, it doesn't and yes it matters.

It is the women's own fault. First time:

WIFE: Honey, do these jeans make my ass look big?
HUSBAND: Mmmm, yes in fact, it does look big in those. (hair dryer, curling iron, espidrilles hurled at spouse)

Second time:
WIFE: Does my ass look big in these?
HUSBAND: What?! No way! You look HOT!

It's true. 93% of all statistics are made up.

I'm shocked that Sharkie knows what an espadrille is. Does this mean you've had a few thrown at you?

I never lie.

Obviously, none of the respondents were politicians.

Men lie because women demand it by punishing truth to the death. "Honey, would you like to go to the opera with me this weekend?"
Only the truly inexperienced or the suicidal would tell the truth. "Oh, to tell the truth, I'd rather get a vasectomy via Evinrude."
Or, "No, I'd say it's your rear end that makes you look...."
I learned that from my first serious girlfriend.
Now, I can tell my wife that, "A man should never miss the chance to shut up."

Define " lie ".

Took me a while Cyndi because the name on my forehead was reversed in the mirror.

"Wow! Did you build that yourself?"

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