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May 17, 2010

AS WE'RE ALWAYS SAYING, IF YOU DRIVE ON THE ROADS OF MIAMI, YOU HAVE TO BE READY FOR ANYTHING

Anything.

(Thanks to Siouxie)

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Sort of looks that way, anyway.

The captain has turned on the fasten seatbelt sign. We expect a lot of bumps on this flight, so please stay in your seats.

Oh, and your baggage might not end up at your destination.

That's the last time I'm going standby.

Maybe they ran out of peanuts and had to cancel.

Dang. They canceled the flight drive.

American Airlines isn't a fly-by-night operation. I guess they're not even a drive-by-night operation.

"Morris, I can't believe you drove onto the runway again!"

"I didn't. We're nowhere near the airport."

"Oh yeah? Then what do you call that?"

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit heroin."

New federal rules mean that if the passengers are stuck in the plane on the ground for more than three hours, there are huge fines. I suspect they canceled the move because the Air Traffic Control computers don't have a code for State Road 112 and Le Jeune Road. It probably has to be routed by way of somewhere like Pago Pago that breaks the rules.

There was a Super Constellation moved to a location along Route 1 in Penndel, PA, back in the '60s. It was mounted on pylons above a restaurant, Flannery's, and was used as a cocktail lounge.

" This is the captain speaking. We've just reached out cruising altitude of zero feet and are moving along comfortably at 5 miles per hour. For those of you on the starboard side of our aircraft, that's a McDonald's and an Exxon station. We'll be taking advantage of the jet stream this evening, so our flying time will be approximately one hour, and each of you lovely passengers will be credited with one frequent flyer mile. "

Hey, they completely re-routed my lane again through a f#@$ing traffic improvement gabillion-year construction zone... And the signs are posted at SUV level, and I drive an Acura Integra. So all of a sudden I'm looping way, way out into the zone, and -- NO -- NO heading north instead of west, nearly to downtown before I could turn around.

A plane driving in my lane would have helped traffic along.

Apparently Mrs. Northernsnowbird was making her way to the Golden Glades interchange,(in the left lane, with her left blinker on, doing 23mph) and we will have to delay this move for about a week.

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