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May 15, 2010

ADVISORY TO MALES IN NEW ZEALAND:

Do not swim naked.

(Thanks to The Perts)

Comments

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The 22-year-old "woke to find his penis swollen and painful with a red mark on the shaft suggestive of a bite."

Um, how does one put this delicately? How do we know it wasn't a female Kiwian who put the bite on him Down Under (so to speak)?

So, these spiders swim, too!?!

Just to be on the safe side, I will avoid NZ altogether.

Spider sex is rough.

The 22-year-old "woke to find his penis swollen and painful with a red mark on the shaft suggestive of a bite. He rapidly developed generalized muscle pains, fever, headache, photophobia [light sensitivity] and vomiting,"

Spider bite? Or tequila?

We report, you decide.

Whangarei Hospital?

Charlotte?

Little Sir Tourist
Made like a nudist
Frolicking bare in the lake

A bug came along
And munched on his schlong
Infecting his poor trouser snake

"Some Wang!"

♬ Itsy,bitsy spider went up the pee-pee spout ♬

Related to the Black Widow. I've handled them but not with that part of my body. Bites down there, so to speak, used to be much more common back in the days of privies. The spider built her web up under a shelter where there were plentiful insects to dine on, such as under the privy seat.
Someone seeking knowledge comes along to meditate on the seat of wisdom. If it's a man, parts flop around, angering the lady of the house.
Ouch.

OOOOOh! Danger!

Swollen penis and chestpain?

"Ask your doctor if you're healthy enough to, errrm, swim in New Zealand"

The 22-year-old "woke to find his penis swollen and painful with a red mark on the shaft suggestive of a bite."

Reminds me, I wonder what ever happened to Rah Rah Ruthie from Ashtabula.

Nice one, Stevie!

As for swollen penis and chest pain, sounds like Date Night to me.

Swell.

Nice nursery rhyme, SW! We should avoid sitting on tuffets, too, I take it?

"Shaft Suggestive" sounds like the title to something.

Females, in New Zealand and throughout the Northern and Southern hemispheres, are advised to continue naked swimming at least daily.

The swimming nekkid part I get, but laying out nekkid in nature napping (to use a little alliteration) with your junk all exposed is just . . . asking for it. Don't they have mosquitoes in Kiwiland and wouldn't that be enough?

That was no spider. It was a kinky vampire.

pogo ... y'all gnu about Ruthie TOO????!!!!

WOWSER ... she really ... um ... got around ... um ... well ... um ... nevermind ...

The doctor told him he would probably be famous, but advised him not to get a swelled

"On review he was generally well."

On review, the rest of the guys in the world were creeped out.

New Zealand just bites.

I now know more about his penis than I ever hoped to. Ever dreamed of. I was going to make a limerick, but failed.

There once was a spider named Enis. (see, I thought some people would pronounce it like "Dennis," and then WHERE WOULD THE LAUGH BE?)

A spider there once came a long
And bit a young man on the wang. (didn't rime, plus how do you spell rhyme anyway?)

A spider that once was in France
Bit a man where he once wore his pants. (better, but you see the dilemma, how "France" and "pants," while rhyming in the traditional way, which is to say the way"Uppyers" and "Up yours!" rhyme; wait, they are the same, different spelling, etc. Next)

A galloping eight-legged bug
Bit a man near his lower-half rug. (THIS one has potential. Continue.)
He woke up in pain
Tried some sex all in vain
And then had to go to the hospital and see the doctor who then, after examining him, gave him a drug. (Remember how I mentioned "potential" earlier? HAD potential. Right up until the last line didn't go "buh bumpity bumpity bump.")

A note to the Blog from Davefan
Explored limericks no bloglit could stand
"No need to say so,"
Davefan wrote, "I know."
"But I waste its potential and your (not you're) time existential by swelling the last line with as much information as I can."

I can relate, Davefan. :0

eight legs not eight mouths
it bit me on the scrotum
i count my blessings

I read this blog for the poetry.

With Kiwis do swim nekkidly.
But don't nap while you're still fabric-free.
Close your eyes for a second,
and ere you can reckon,
A katipo will bite where you pee.

I know what you mean, NotSherly. It's better than Shakespeare.

I turned this story in when it came out, but no mention. Heck, I'm no Pert, I'm an Expat Yank living Down Under ;~) !

To pee, or not to pee, that is the question:
Whether unsober in the mind to buffer
The fangs and horrors of arachnid torture,
Or forsake pharms and relieve the building troubles
And by relieving end them.

My dick is as a fever, longing still
For that which longer nurseth the disease,
Feeding on that which doth preserve the ill,
The uncertain spidery appetite to please.
My reason, the physician to my love,
Angry that his prescriptions are not kept,
Hath left me, and I desperate now approve
Desire is death, which physic did except.
Past cure I am, now reason is past care,
And frantic-mad with evermore unrest;
My thoughts and my penis as madmen's are,
At random from the truth vainly express'd;
For I have sworn thee fair and thought thee bright,
A spider black as hell, as dark as night.

Ouch, damned spider! Ouch, I say!

Et tu, Katipo?

I'm glad I didn't say Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
How do I love thee, let me count the ways?
It may have caused this blog to become R rated.

Kama Sutra spider, cindy?

Spider-bite inspires
Tumescence and impressive
Creativity

The first thing we do, let's kill all the spiders.

Lord, what tools these au naturel be!

Alas, poor Boris! I knew him, Horatio, a spider of ultmate zest, in most intimate pants, he. He hath bit me on my back a thousand times, and now how sore in my nether region it is! My gorge rises at it.

finest be the line
twixt literary brilliance
and insanity

"The 22-year-old "woke to find his penis swollen and painful with a red mark on the shaft suggestive of a bite."

Ahhhhh. Happy memories.

woke to find his penis swollen and painful with a red mark on the shaft suggestive of a bite.

Reminds me of a certain night in New Orleans.

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