24
Here is where we stand:
Last week Jack and Renee finally had sex, and it was a truly romantic and beautiful thing, except for the sniper. A lesson that we all, as Americans, should take away from this tragic episode is: close the blinds.
So now Renee has gone to that Big Wrap Party in the Sky, and Jack is really ticked off at the Russians. President Woman President is also unhappy with the Russians, because they're trying to sabotage the All Important Peace Procezzzzzz
Sorry! We tend to nod off whenever we think about the A.I.P.P. We wish everybody would just shut up about it so we can get on with the part where Jack works through his grief by shooting or stabbing or barehandedly removing the larynxes of as many Russians as humanly possible.
In other developments, Chloe is now in charge of CTU. We think this is great. We wish Chloe were in charge of the whole federal government and routinely tasered it in the butt.
Edgar is still dead.
Tragically, I will not be able to join you tonight, as I am on the road with the World Famous In Some Circles Rock Bottom Remainders, as we prepare for our big international tour of four U.S. cities. We'll be raising money for good causes, so if you can make it to one of the shows, please do. We promise that there will be great music, by which we mean alcohol.
Speaking of great, The Amazing Steve will be discussing the plot in the comments section following tonight's show. Meanwhile, here's a scientific poll.
Back from Dayton, and ready to go! I'll post about an hour after the show is over.
Posted by: Steve (The 24 Guy) | April 19, 2010 at 08:32 PM
Kitty Kelley's next new book: "CODE NAME ONION FRECKLES" The unauthorized biography of 24's Renee.
Where we learn (gasp) that Renee was a pyschopath, albeit a "mostly good" one.
Posted by: funnyman | April 19, 2010 at 08:35 PM
Checkin' in.
Posted by: tropichunt.com guy™ | April 19, 2010 at 08:36 PM
I miss the rods.
Posted by: homeybeef | April 19, 2010 at 08:42 PM
You're just jealous (which I understand) of how great the Yankees really are.
Get over it.
;)
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | April 19, 2010 at 08:45 PM
It's not the same without Dave! It would be nice if the RBR's could all live blog but I'm sure they are practicing very hard for their show.
Posted by: nursecindy | April 19, 2010 at 08:46 PM
You miss A-Rod?
I miss Marwan and President Allstate.
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | April 19, 2010 at 08:47 PM
I'm wondering when CTU will realize there is a dead guy in the wall.
Posted by: Kate | April 19, 2010 at 08:48 PM
And Mrs. Handbag
's ramparts.Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | April 19, 2010 at 08:49 PM
Surely they must smell something, Kate.
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | April 19, 2010 at 08:50 PM
Where is Aaron? I want Aaron!
Posted by: homeybeef | April 19, 2010 at 08:51 PM
Checking in. Present and no accounting for...
Hopefully they'll find the dead guy in the wall before Dana skips out with her pardon...
Posted by: Wes S. | April 19, 2010 at 08:51 PM
*begins drinking early*
Posted by: tropichunt.com guy™ | April 19, 2010 at 08:52 PM
We'll miss you, Mr. The Blog! Because, frankly, our aim isn't very good even before the 27th perimeter sip.
Posted by: danceswithvowels | April 19, 2010 at 08:55 PM
House figured it out. That means it's almost 24 time.
Posted by: homeybeef | April 19, 2010 at 08:56 PM
Homey,
Some rods for ya! :)
http://www.flickr.com/photos/27727244@N04/2747617166/
Posted by: funnyman | April 19, 2010 at 08:57 PM
Perimter!
*drinks*
What? Too soon?
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | April 19, 2010 at 08:57 PM
Is it just me or is Doctor House looking more and more like one of the Sheep on Meth?
Posted by: Wes S. | April 19, 2010 at 08:57 PM
You'd think so, Jeff, wouldn't you. I'm guessing the writers just forgot that little detail. :)
Posted by: Kate | April 19, 2010 at 08:58 PM
I'm afraid House has jumped the shark.
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | April 19, 2010 at 08:58 PM
One of these nights
One of these crazy old nights
We’re gonna find out
Mr. Bauer
What turns on your lights
The full moon is calling
The fever is high
And the chick you love answers the phone
You got your demons
You got desires
But now Renee’s gone; you’re alone
Oo, sniper had to find you
In between the sheets with your gal
Oo, killed her right behind you
Now Jack’s gonna run through
Him and his pals!
Bitter tears gleam
Another lost and broken dream
Jack’s gonna find scum
Make them really scream
He’s now searching, set to slaughter
All the devils himself
He’ll be searching high and low, left and right
Cause they took away Jack’s woman, who’s a little bit touched
But she felt good although not wrapped too tight
Oo, lonely rage will blind you
In between the wrong and the right
Oo, Jack is gonna find you
Swear he’s gonna bind you
Set you alight
One of these nights...
Posted by: Just Ducky | April 19, 2010 at 08:59 PM
Good one, Ducky.
OK - ready to go.
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | April 19, 2010 at 09:00 PM
BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
Did you lose your mind all at once, or was it a slow, gradual process?
BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
I don't mean to be flippant or to enrage you or anything, but you're a psychotic man.
BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
It's important to think. It's what separates us from lentils.
BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
C'mon, Jack, what do you think the Crusades were? A Pope's publicity stunt?
*George Benson's "On Broadway" begins playing*
They said the nuke rods will "light up" Broadway
They said there's always something up their sleeve
But when Jack's lookin' down that street
And they ain't felt enough'the heat
The splatter sprays the wall and scares Potter.
They said CTU won't find you on Broadway
And laughin' at them just gives Jack the wrath,
'cause how does he catch an otter
When all he looks like is Potter
And not one CTU sees the mole's path?
They said that I won't get to blow up Broadway
I'll shoot Dark Freckles and make Jack come my way
But he'll die long before I do
'cause I'm a reality star
And I'll just bomb TV instead of Broadway!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BOWAH POWAH OWAH!
J A C K B A U E R P O W E R H O U R !
Brought to you by: JackSack™ ("JackSack™'s gonna avenge FreckleSack™...if it's the last thing he does in this TV series...") and ChloeSack™ ("ChloeSack™ has the POWAH! THE POWAH!!!!.")
LET'S GET READY TO ROOOOOOOOOOOOOMBLE!
This season's "24" intros are brought to you in memory of my dear friend Michael "Sparky" Bushaw, who passed away the day after this past Christmas. Sparky, my fraternity big brother, best man at my wedding and best friend for the last 20 years, was the one person with whom I watched "24" when it originally premiered on Fox. Always a fan of the show, I believe it fitting to dedicate this season in his memory. Rest in peace, brother...I miss you!
Posted by: tropichunt.com guy™ | April 19, 2010 at 09:00 PM
...And on next week's "House," House offends the entire state of Nebraska.
But now, it's finally time for "24," which this season has pissed off pretty much all of New York City...
Posted by: Wes S. | April 19, 2010 at 09:00 PM
Even more on where we lie ...
(House is thinking about radical treatment of an annoying lithp.)
Jack has sex. And a drink of water. Finally!
Sadly, Renee develops sudden PMS (Post Muzzle Syndrome) and comes down with that not-so-fresh feeling. Serious enough that even Jack, as a guy, can't ignore it.
He rushes her to the nearest hospital. Unfortunately, that's the You Stab 'Em We Slab 'Em facility.
Jack will now implode and expode simultaneously.
Posted by: danceswithvowels | April 19, 2010 at 09:00 PM
And here we zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Posted by: homeybeef | April 19, 2010 at 09:01 PM
And probably Russia.
Posted by: Kate | April 19, 2010 at 09:01 PM
What would you call yourself if you were from Irk? Irked, Irkites, Irks. Makes no sense.
Posted by: nursecindy | April 19, 2010 at 09:01 PM
Where's Mrs. Handbag and Aaron?
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | April 19, 2010 at 09:01 PM
So the Russian has no interest in the peace accord. This makes him different from anyone else how exactly?
Posted by: KJP | April 19, 2010 at 09:02 PM
The Irkers.
Posted by: Kate | April 19, 2010 at 09:02 PM
Beautiful, Andy!!!
*Waves howdy to everyone*
Posted by: Diva | April 19, 2010 at 09:02 PM
Checking in //waving.
Is Renee still dead?
Posted by: Gennita Low | April 19, 2010 at 09:02 PM
Just putting this out there, in case it hasn't been said:
Mikhail Novakovich
Mike Novick
...related?
Posted by: Aaronak | April 19, 2010 at 09:02 PM
It's time for mayhem.
Posted by: Mitch | April 19, 2010 at 09:02 PM
How come the guards on CTU are the only cops in the world that don't wear vests? They always get shot with body shots.
Posted by: ArcticAl | April 19, 2010 at 09:02 PM
IRKestani?
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | April 19, 2010 at 09:02 PM
Please for the love of G-d no medical scenes this week!
Posted by: nursecindy | April 19, 2010 at 09:03 PM
Jack's sperm will impregnate her anyway and she'll still give birth.
Posted by: tropichunt.com guy™ | April 19, 2010 at 09:03 PM
Still dead, Genn. :(
Posted by: Diva | April 19, 2010 at 09:03 PM
At least Renee died before she could tell us she is pregnant with Jacks kid.
Yeah, Jack works that fast.
Posted by: homeybeef | April 19, 2010 at 09:03 PM
"Are you the husband of the deceased?"
"No, but I shtupped her."
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | April 19, 2010 at 09:03 PM
Is Jack going to be alright? Yes, but the bad guys sure won't be. Muahahahaha.
Posted by: Kate | April 19, 2010 at 09:04 PM
Of course Jack will be all right. Once he kills some people, anyway...
Posted by: Wes S. | April 19, 2010 at 09:04 PM
so Jack is just standing there drenched in blood and no one gives him a second glance.
Posted by: ArcticAl | April 19, 2010 at 09:04 PM
You should be asking if everyone else will be alright...
Posted by: exs120 | April 19, 2010 at 09:04 PM
Is Jack going to wear a hospital skirt?
Posted by: Gennita Low | April 19, 2010 at 09:04 PM
I thought I heard it right! Jack is moving to "Scrubs"!
Posted by: tropichunt.com guy™ | April 19, 2010 at 09:04 PM
JACK ANGRY
Posted by: Daniel Kolle | April 19, 2010 at 09:04 PM
Too late, Cindy!!!
Posted by: Diva | April 19, 2010 at 09:04 PM
I just don't think that Renee is really dead, imho.
Posted by: nursecindy | April 19, 2010 at 09:04 PM
Jacks going undercover, in "borrowed" intern clothes?
Posted by: danceswithvowels | April 19, 2010 at 09:05 PM
Perhaps they'll shut down CTU and bring in grief counselors.
Posted by: LeDud | April 19, 2010 at 09:05 PM
"Tell me who did this."
"Dana"
Please say Dana, Chloe.
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | April 19, 2010 at 09:05 PM
Goddammit Chloe!
Posted by: exs120 | April 19, 2010 at 09:05 PM
Hi all!! READY!!
Posted by: Siouxie | April 19, 2010 at 09:06 PM
Chloe's already telling Jack no?
Posted by: homeybeef | April 19, 2010 at 09:06 PM
They're talking about the red square again. That's gonna be trouble for someone.
Posted by: Mitch | April 19, 2010 at 09:06 PM
Ethan is probably out running a triathlon now. It's been almost 3 hours since his heart surgery.
Posted by: nursecindy | April 19, 2010 at 09:06 PM
Chloe is standing in the way of my rampage. Move it!
Posted by: Kate | April 19, 2010 at 09:06 PM
Chloe is trying to rein in Jack? Boy she thinks a lot of herself. Hasn't she learned anything in eight years?
Posted by: ArcticAl | April 19, 2010 at 09:06 PM
Chloe knows whom to trust!
Posted by: Diva | April 19, 2010 at 09:06 PM
Oh no, not the freakin' Whirled Peas Process again...
Posted by: Wes S. | April 19, 2010 at 09:06 PM
Ethan has some recovery time.
I don't recover that quick from a headache.
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | April 19, 2010 at 09:06 PM
There he is! He heals quickly.
Posted by: nursecindy | April 19, 2010 at 09:06 PM
Nursecindy,
I don't think so either. Renee will appear again!
Posted by: Gennita Low | April 19, 2010 at 09:07 PM
Everyone is fine after having life threatening injuries in THIS show!
Posted by: exs120 | April 19, 2010 at 09:07 PM
The WDG makes the worst postcoital smoke ever.
Posted by: danceswithvowels | April 19, 2010 at 09:07 PM
Something tells me the court officer is going to have his hands full soon, very soon.
Posted by: Mitch | April 19, 2010 at 09:07 PM
Handbag is homosexual?
Posted by: tropichunt.com guy™ | April 19, 2010 at 09:07 PM
Don't ask, don't tell?!?!?!?
Hand bag is gay?!?!?!!?
Posted by: ArcticAl | April 19, 2010 at 09:07 PM
At least Ethan has some brains.
Posted by: Kate | April 19, 2010 at 09:07 PM
Don't ask, don't tell....oh my god - Logan's GAY?????!!
Posted by: Diva | April 19, 2010 at 09:07 PM
So...Logan's gay?? NTTAWWT
Posted by: Siouxie | April 19, 2010 at 09:07 PM
You can't handle the truth!
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | April 19, 2010 at 09:08 PM
Homosexual multiple. NTTAWWT!
Posted by: Siouxie | April 19, 2010 at 09:08 PM
great minds think alike in the gutter
Posted by: ArcticAl | April 19, 2010 at 09:08 PM
More bad Russian accents.
Vere is Moose & Squirrel, Mikhail?
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | April 19, 2010 at 09:08 PM
quadruple psychic simul. I think I need a cigarette!
Posted by: Diva | April 19, 2010 at 09:09 PM
Logan's dead.
Posted by: Kate | April 19, 2010 at 09:09 PM
Sioux, put on your apron. There's going to be a bloodbath.
Posted by: Mitch | April 19, 2010 at 09:09 PM
Oh, yeah. Dead.
Posted by: Kate | April 19, 2010 at 09:09 PM
Logan found a pair on his sabbatical
Posted by: Cheesewiz | April 19, 2010 at 09:09 PM
President Handbag needs to tone it down or the snipers will hear him!
Posted by: exs120 | April 19, 2010 at 09:09 PM
Diva, don't mention cigarette. I quit a few days ago and this is when I usually smoked the most.
Posted by: nursecindy | April 19, 2010 at 09:10 PM
Mitch, we can only hope.
Posted by: Diva | April 19, 2010 at 09:10 PM
cindy & Gennita: she's dead, deal with it.
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | April 19, 2010 at 09:10 PM
BUHAHAH!!
Nixon, I mean,Handbag slaps the Russian with an
accusation!!
Told you he wants nukelar war.
Now he will make a deal....
Posted by: funnyman | April 19, 2010 at 09:10 PM
once a weasal, always a weasal
Posted by: ArcticAl | April 19, 2010 at 09:10 PM
Mitch, I always wear protective gear ;P
Posted by: Siouxie | April 19, 2010 at 09:10 PM
Let's make Handbag our Ambassador! He'll make a great Bromance with the Russian Head!
Posted by: Gennita Low | April 19, 2010 at 09:10 PM
How much you want to bet Handbag's bluffing?
Posted by: KJP | April 19, 2010 at 09:10 PM
OK, if Madame President doesn't know any of this, how does Logan, who's allegedly been out of touch for so many years?
Posted by: Wes S. | April 19, 2010 at 09:10 PM
ooh, cindy - good job! OK. *zips lips*
Posted by: Diva | April 19, 2010 at 09:10 PM
Your cyanide/espwesso, Mr. Pwesident.
Posted by: danceswithvowels | April 19, 2010 at 09:10 PM
Wait, what just happened? I wasn;t paying attention.
Posted by: homeybeef | April 19, 2010 at 09:11 PM
Maybe the Russians will take out hand bag
Posted by: ArcticAl | April 19, 2010 at 09:11 PM
Jack's wearing a blue shirt!!!
Posted by: Diva | April 19, 2010 at 09:11 PM
You'll see, Jeff. It's all part of the plot. Besides you just know she is going to be in the movie.
Posted by: nursecindy | April 19, 2010 at 09:11 PM
So he has 30 minutes?
Posted by: exs120 | April 19, 2010 at 09:12 PM