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March 17, 2010

PROBABLY NOT THE BEST WAY TO DELIVER VEGETABLES

In a box labeled "Bomb!" with a drawing of a bomb.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

OH, LIGHTEN UP

(Thanks to Ron Gibb)

THEY NEED TO BAN THOSE THINGS

Key Defence Solicitor Name: John Hardie

(Thanks to Magnolia)

'PROBABLY?'

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(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Peter Metrinko)

THE CORRECT ANSWER, OF COURSE, IS FLASH GORDON

One in 10 British pupils thinks Buzz Lightyear was the first man on the Moon.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

March 16, 2010

UM, NO

Could parachute-wearing bears sniff out Osama bin Laden?

(Thanks to Jeff Tompkins)

YOU MIGHT GET A CAT IN THERE, BUT IT WOULD TAKE YOUR ARM WITH IT

Pet-washing machines.

(Thanks to nursecindy)

OK NAME FOR A ROCK BAND

Bottomless Duds

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

ITALIAN POLITICAL UPDATE

Capt.photo_1268684756233-1-0

(Thanks to catmanmax)

IN OTHER DOG-RELATED NEWS:

By the time McCamey Animal Center staffers captured that dog and two others, it had chewed two tires and the entire front bumper off Holmes' patrol car.

(Thanks to queensbee)

FINALLY

RearGear... the fashion accessory for your dog's butt.

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Slogan:
'No More Mr. Brown Eye"

Product page here.

(Thanks to DavCat)

EDUCATOR OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Teacher suspended for writing 'loser' on student's paper

(Thanks to Jim in NC)



March 15, 2010

24

Here is where we stand:

Last week, while Marcos was trying to activate the World's Safest Suicide Vest, Jack persuaded him to talk by threatening to turn his mom into a human Hot Pocket. Shortly before being concerted to small terrorist particles Marcos revealed that President Sham's daughter Kayla's boyfriend Tarin is in on the plot to bring the Lethal Atomic Rods of Doom into Manhattan. CTU knows what hotel Tarin and Kayla are in and has ordered a perimeter to be set up around it, so we can safely assume that Tarin will escape.

Meanwhile:

The Kevin subplot, which we thought was dead and buried in the swamp, has reappeared in the form of Kevin's parole agent, who called Agent Dana Walsh and said he wants to talk to her, which she agreed to do because otherwise she would have to go back to her actual job of countering terrorism, which she has spent perhaps three minutes on since the season began.

Edgar is still dead.

Stay tuned in the comments after the show to watch The Amazing Steve somehow make sense of what happened. Meanwhile, here's a scientific poll:

What would happen if CTU set up a perimeter around the Washington Monument?
The monument would be gone in 45 seconds.
But then Chloe would locate it by typing really fast.
But then CTU would lose it again because it would follow a decoy monument.
Montpelier.
  
pollcode.com free polls

UPDATE:A Twist That Will Change Everything!

UPDATE: They're talking about getting to a hotel in midtown Manhattan as if it's Madagascar.

UPDATE: A really shrewd woman would sit on the toilet at this point, and Tarin would be HELPLESS.

UPDATE: They should have some kind of ceremony to observe the 5,000th failed "24" perimeter.

UPDATE: Jack needs a Kidnap and an Electronic Intercept Package. As do we all, from time to time.

UPDATE: Wait... now we need FOUR Gs? I don't even know what "G" is, and now I need FOUR.

UPDATE: I think agent Walsh should just shoot this guy in the head and end this subplot NOW.

UPDATE: Agent Walsh is thinking: Oh what a tangled web we weave, etc. Assuming she is capable of thought.

UPDATE: Why the blindfold? Seriously. Why?

UPDATE: This is a total violation of the Consumer Product Safety Code for plastic bags.

UPDATE: Hastings, with one second of examination, is able to identify the contents of File 33.

UPDATE: I personally cannot wait for the Twist That Will Change Everything!

UPDATE: This is the World's Most Diligent Probation Officer.

UPDATE: "I need you to keep your head in this." Heheheheh.

UPDATE: You go, Kayla.

UPDATE: Not to be nitpicky, but this episode has so far involved very little of Jack doing anything except talk excitedly into the phone.

UPDATE: Chloe immediately found the abandoned bank vault. Of course.

UPDATE: "Dammit we're blind." The Plot Twist! They took out CTU! Which actually doesn't seem like such a bad thing.

Take it, The Amazing Steve.

HE HAS OUR VOTE

(Also thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WE HAVE GOT TO OUTLAW THOSE THINGS

Police: Woman hit sister with toilet lid

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

DREAMING BIG

Don't click this if you're eating, or plan to eat in the future.

(Thanks to Steve [The Other Steve] Lancaster)

ADVISORY

Tonight at 9 p.m. Eastern Daylight Nighttime Time. Be here, or be a person wearing a Santa outfit who has perhaps consumed too much beer.

A FLORIDA LICENSE IS ON THE WAY

(Thanks to Horace LaBadie)

And another one for this motorist.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

SOUNDS AS THOUGH THERE WAS ALSO ROOM FOR AN ATM

Police: Woman in bust hid nearly $26,000 in bra

Reagan said that during a search at the Spokane County Jail, guards found that the 24-year-old Harris - who is 6 feet tall and 400 pounds - had the cash hidden in her bra, along with bank receipts.

(Thanks to Guin)

ATTENTION, JOBSEEKERS

(Thanks to Johnnie Blackwell)

WE FEEL HIS PAIN

 A Chinese consumer expresses his feelings about his laptop computer.

METHAMPHETAMINE MAY HAVE BEEN INVOLVED

He claimed it was the "last tree in the universe," and he wanted to give it to the jail so that any possible charges against him would be dropped.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

WE'LL HAVE THAT PESKY NATIONAL DEBT PAID OFF IN NO TIME

The letter that was hand-delivered to Zeff's on-site manager showed the amount of money owed to the feds was ... 4 cents.

(Thanks to Horace LaBadie, Janice Gelb and Siouxie)

GOOD TO KNOW

How to collect whale snot using an RC helicopter.

(Thanks to catmanmax)

IT DID WHAT TO THE PATIENTS?

Oh... never mind.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

March 14, 2010

FLORIDA

The ants are different here.

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THE CIRCLE OF LIFE

Giant meat-eating plants prefer to eat tree-shrew poo

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

INCREDIBLY, SOME TAXPAYERS ARE CRITICAL

Poet Philip Larkin's death marked with giant toads

(Thanks to Ralph)

FOLLOW THE TRAIL OF CLIPPINGS

(Thanks to Horace LaBadie)

March 13, 2010

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Now they're using cows.

(Thanks to Ralph)

PARANORMAL HOST ACTIVITY

(Thanks to Omaha Bridget)

March 12, 2010

ATTENTION, NOBEL COMMITTEE

(Thanks to Dr. Doug)

CANCEL THOSE TRAVEL PLANS

The Glouches Gloches Gloucestersh English place cheese-rolling competition has been called off.

(Thanks to Horace LaBadie)

WE ARE SHOCKED, SHOCKED

College students drinking!

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

YOU COULD DIE LAUGHING

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

Vaguely Related Item: Maybe this guy was headed there.

(Thanks to Leslie Dyer and Jenny Kellner)

THE NEW NAME WILL BE 'CHUBBY BALLS'

(Thanks to Ralph)

IN KEEPING WITH OUR STRICT POLICY

...we are unable to link to this.

(Thanks to RussellMc)

JESUS UPDATE

Now: a frying pan.

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(Thanks to Allen at Division and Ralph)

UPDATE: Also, Marmite.

(Thanks to Brian Duval)

TERROR STALKS THE STREETS OF WELLESLEY

(Thanks to Guin)

NOW THIS IS WHAT WE CALL SCIENTIFIC

Men do more housework than women think, according to men.

(Thanks to catmanmax)

CINCINNATI? CINCINNATI?

Clearly insane study ranks Miami 48th among America's craziest cities.

(Thanks to sjhaller)

March 11, 2010

WE COULDN'T PUT IT DOWN

The Changing World of Inflammatory Bowel Disease

(Thanks to this blog's little brother, Sam_

WHY THIS BLOG SUPPORTS A FEDERAL BAN ON MEAT THERMOMETERS IN MOVIE THEATERS

(Thanks to Siouxie)

NEWS FROM THE BADONG (HEH) TOURISM BUREAU

(Thanks to catmanmax, who says "judi already has her bags packed")

A BAND YOU DO NOT EXPECT TO SEE IN THE SAME LIST AS TOM PETTY AND CROSBY, STILLS AND NASH

Check out the penultimate item.

DUDE

Have a Funyun.

(Thanks to Rick Kellogg)

THE OTHER ROUTE WOULD BE TO LOWER THEIR EYES

An exciting new product for professional women.

(Thanks to Siouxie)

TERROR STALKS THE STREETS

Someone is spinning quite a yarn over one New Jersey shore town. An unknown person dubbed The Midnight Knitter by West Cape May residents is covering tree branches and lamp poles with little sweaters under cover of darkness.

(Thanks to nursecindy and trustf8)

WHAT DO YOU EXPECT, WITH A NAME LIKE 'BOX SPRINGS ELEMENTARY'?

School fundraiser sold porn DVDs

(Thanks to Ralph)

WHY SOUTH FLORIDA IS NOT LIKE WHERE YOU LIVE

Authorities are investigating a Hialeah man who allegedly smuggled illegal Giant African Snails into Florida and convinced his followers to drink their juices as part of a religious healing ritual.

 
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