Dave Barry's Blog

IT IS TIME FOR A FEDERAL BAN

Ala. man attacked with Worcestershire sauce bottle

(Thanks to DavCat)

SOCIAL NOTE FROM MOZAMBIQUE

(Thanks to Ralph)

DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT SHOW AND TELL

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

UPDATE: Related item here.

(Thanks to RussellMc)

PROBABLY NOT A GOOD TIME TO ASK FOR A PILLOW

YNN quoted a passenger, Steve Mazur, who said the two female attendants "got into a fistfight on the plane. The pilot decided to kick everyone off the plane.”

(Thanks to K-Doc)

TODAY'S WINTER OLYMPICS UPDATE

Unfortunately, because of our strict policy we cannot bring you today's Winter Olympics Update.

(Thanks to DavCat)

NO DOUBT THEY'RE ON THEIR WAY TO FLORIDA

(Thanks to queensbee and Jeff Meyerson)

MAYBE HE'LL HANG WITH CHARLIE SHEEN

(Thanks to Anthony)

OH, THAT KIND OF... NEVER MIND

(Thanks to B'game)

THERE IS CLASSY

...and then there is classy.

(Thanks to nursecindy)

FATHER'S DAY IS COMING

(Thanks to Siouxie)

IF THEY WEREN'T TEENAGERS, THEY'D GET A FEDERAL ARTS GRANT

PARSIPPANY – Two out-of-town teenagers were held by police Thursday night after they drew a 25-foot penis in the snow on Parsippany High School’s front lawn, police said.

(Thanks to Bob Brogan)

IT'S GOOD TO BE INVOLVED WITH YOUR CHILD'S EDUCATION

But there is such a thing as too involved.

(Thanks to Siouxie)

BECAUSE CALIFORNIA HAS SOLVED ALL OF ITS OTHER PROBLEMS

(Thanks to queensbee)

DON'T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT THEM

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger, Dad-O-Lot and John Gregg)

HEY, IT GETS LONELY UP THERE

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

UPDATE: Related item here.

(Thanks to jon harris)

IT'S A GOOD THING WE HAVE SUCH A STRICT POLICY

(Thanks to RussellMc)

THIS JUST IN

(Thanks to trustf8)

SOON TO BE AN ACTION-PACKED TV SERIES

Collier County Patrol

(Thanks to Cathy)

INTERNATIONAL NEWS UPDATE

This just out.

(Thanks to Siouxie)

I DON'T CARE IF I EVER GET BAAAAAACK

....a Kansas man says it was a flying hot dog, not a baseball, that almost put his eye out while watching a Royals game late last summer.

(Thanks to nursecindy)

IT IS ONLY BECAUSE OF THIS BLOG'S ONGOING INTEREST IN NORTHERN IRELAND COUNCIL REFORM THAT WE POST THIS ITEM

It has nothing to do with anybody's name, especially not Mr. Poots.

(Thanks to Horace LaBadie)

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Now they're using gulls.

(Thanks to  Horace LaBadie)

IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER?

A New Cumberland man was charged with driving under the influence and other charges after Carroll Township police spotted him driving on a highway without a wheel on the front of his car.

(Thanks to nursecindy)

UPDATE: Another strong example here.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

EDUCATOR OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Canadian Division

(Thanks to Mary)

HEADLINE WRITING 101

Avoid ones like this:

Teacher given good behaviour for underage sex

VIDEO: NBA Mascots Eat Cheerleaders

Nationals 'aggressively pursuing' Wang

(Thanks to Allen at Division, jtd7, Jeff Ledford)

ALCOHOL MAY HAVE BEEN INVOLVED

(Thanks to nursecindy)

'OK, STUDENTS: TIME FOR SHOW AND... WHOA'

(Thanks to Horace LaBadie)

COLOR US STUNNED

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

IN OTHER CANADIAN NEWS: A BLOW FOR FREEDOM

City staff are willing to re-evaluate the bylaw that says businesses can't keep fibreglass cows on their roofs.

(Also thanks to The Perts)

ATTENTION, CANADIAN WOMEN

(Thanks to The Perts)

CSI: FERGUS FALLS

The rats, which appeared to be domesticated, had urinated and defecated on her mail.

We wouldn't mind if they did that to most of our mail.

(Thanks to Ralph)

CANCEL THAT TRIP TO THE MAGIC KINGDOM

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

COLORADO SPRINGS

A City With Standards

WE HAVE A FEELING THIS IS GOING TO BE AN INSURANCE NIGHTMARE

A Covington doctor who's had several problems with the State Medical Board is now locked up for stabbing a female patient. Dr. Douglas Rank faces an assault charge after neighbors say they caught him attacking the woman with a sword.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

WE THINK THIS IS GOOD NEWS

Killer ants with taste for cat food attack toads

(Thanks to John Reagan)

HUH?

(Thanks to nursecindy)

CSI: CHEEKTOWAGA

Police said they've arrested a teenager who caused thousands of dollars in damage to a western New York home's hardwood floor by break dancing on it while wearing a large diamond belt buckle.

(Thanks to nursecindy and John Gregg)

BAD DOG

(Thanks to jon harris)

TALKIN' 'BOUT MY GENERATION, BABY

We are out of control.

(Thanks to Kevin McKinley)

CONTROL-TOWER FUN

We are very glad we were not aboard this plane.

Warning: Mild cursing in the Australian language.

(Thanks to CJrun)

SOON TO BE AN ACTION-PACKED TV SERIES

Geek Squad.

(Thanks to Leslie Dyer)

IN MIAMI, WE CALL THIS 'STREET LEGAL'

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Related Update: A Florida driver's license will be issued to everybody involved in this incident, including the horse.

ATTENTION, INTERNATIONAL OLYMPIC COMMITTEE

(Thanks to Ralph)

AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN CHARGE HER EXTRA!

Mother Finds Animal Head in Frozen Veggies

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

CSI: WARREN

A cable TV producer in suburban Detroit has been charged with using publicly owned equipment to make polka DVDs and sell them to an undercover officer.

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

BE ON THE LOOKOUT, DUDE

(Thanks to CJrun)

THEY WERE HUGE IN THE SIXTIES

Sub Dog and the Exceptional Rocket Waves

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

CHUCK E. CHEESE UPDATE

The fun never stops.

(Thanks to Amy Drees, Baron vonKlyff, Patrick Groulx and Katie in FL)

HENCE THE EXPRESSION 'DOING HARD TIME'

(Thanks to Dad-O-Lot)

PERHAPS HE'LL MAKE THE PRISON ARCHERY TEAM

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)