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February 15, 2010


Here is where we stand:

Last week Renee, who is working through some issues, used a handy knife to express her displeasure with Vladimir. Renee got a little carried away and also stabbed Jack in the stomach, but she didn't mean it personally, and of course Jack is not the kind of man to be slowed down by a mere stab wound or fatal bioweapon illness or decapitation. He recovered in time to fling the knife into the throat of one Russian mobster and shoot the others, thus leaving the show temporarily Russian-mobsterless. Fortunately it turns out that 35 percent of the greater New York City population consists of Russian mobsters, so a new batch showed up almost immediately and took Jack, who is still posing as a buyer for the Deadly Nuclear Rods of Lethal Atomic Doom, which are currently in a nondescript truck on the side of a highway. The CTU was supposed to track Jack, but of course the CTU has proven over the years that it could not track an elephant through a sandbox, so it has no earthly idea where Jack is.

Meanwhile in subplot action:

Highly qualified agent Dana Walsh's moron ex-boyfriend Kevin and his moron sidekick Nick managed to – Surprise! – screw up their heist, and now agent Walsh is in serious trouble, which may require her to (we're just tossing this idea out in case the show writers are reading this) take a shower or something.

President Woman President and Generic Islamic Republic President Sham continue to emit lines of dialogue.

Edgar is still dead.

Stay tuned in the comments after tonight's episode, when The Amazing Steve will make everything clear. Meanwhile, here's a poll:

How many CTU employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It takes 116: One to hold the bulb, and 115 to form a perimeter.
But the bulb would manage to escape anyway.
But then Jack would find it and cause it to light just by shouting "DAMMIT" at it.
pollcode.com free polls

UPDATE: They trashed Jack's cellphone? Those BASTARDS.

UPDATE: Why was the Russian mobster chief cutting carrots?

UPDATE: I bet they're violating the warranty on that thing.

UPDATE: This is SOLID wood dialogue.

UPDATE: Ooooh. Agent Walsh knows what she needs to do. If you catch her drift.

UPDATE: The old thumb-in-the-wound.

UPDATE: He had better be using Purell.

UPDATE: The old use-your-feet-to-electrocute-his-heart.

UPDATE: President Sham uses a very powerful hair product.

UPDATE: Jack got another phone! NOW they're in trouble.

UPDATE: In short order there will be no Russians left on the entire East Coast.

UPDATE: Sigh. Yet another perimeter.

UPDATE: Somebody is going to have to pay for that glassware.

UPDATE: "She had to manually reboot the firmware." Heheheheh.

UPDATE: Every season I think they can't possibly come up with a more-clueless jackass to run CTU than the previous one, and every season they prove me wrong.

UPDATE: I think Jack needs to haul out the jumper cables.

UPDATE: The Daughter Sham subplot zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

UPDATE: A big CTU operation coming up... nothing can go wrong!

UPDATE: I'm thinking the rods are now in the possession of Anthony Soprano.

UPDATE: Oooh! Plot twist!

UPDATE:  Next week: Renee gets framed; Dana goes Kevin-hunting.

UPDATE: Take it, The Amazing Steve.


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Oh, Jack is hot tonight. Death by table.

Jack's making up for lost time this week...he's killing EVERYBODY!

Wes - is that the shotgun that only hits glass and does absolutely no damage to cloth or wood?!

no way jack killed him with a table

I have so many questions...why did the russian pappa keep shooting glasses ? Is this a russian dominance thing....like urinating on trees.

Wow. Shooting. Stabbing. Snapping necks. I'm so happy I could cry!!

Good one, dances.

More dead Russians that usual this week. Time to get Farhad soon, I hope, and pull the stupid chin hairs out.

Love the Old Sp!ce ad.

so 20 more minutes before we see the REAL head terror guy for the season...


So...the power goes out and they send one guy to the fuse box--the place where the guy who shut off the power is most likely to be. Brilliant.

mike, do NOT question The Bauer.

Humongous Bonham Cabeza!

I'm the man your man could smell like. On a horse.

Dud - he was breaking the glass becuase Jack was barefoot. He never hit the table.

Perimeter! Drink!




those were some tough tablecloths........

the rods -_-

Death by table via broken glass. Gotta love it. Jack's just like MacGyver except Jack can make anything to kill someone.

PERIMETER!!! *drinks*

So it's been the UKRAINIAN mob we've been dealing with all this time?



"Fixing a fauly relay in our 17th Street station.?"


Dana's on the way to the strip club in Jersey.


No, he don't know nothing no more, Hastings.

No, you don't find Jack. Jack finds YOU!

You know, the russkie would be safer in a Motel 6 than CTU.

I don't mean to be picky, but why is there no blood or rip where he was shot in the arm??

Awww... he's alive for now. Dammit.

ah oh

Is jack still barefoot? I guess Sergei isn't quite dead after all.

Jack looks better now than he did 8 hours ago!

But he's back in semi-whispering mode.

Who said he was shot?

like he cares about his sons' sentences

Uh oh. Jurgen is in even deeper trouble than he was in Das Boot...

so..I keeel him!!!

do not trust this Uk

There's no crying in terrorism!!!!

Oooh...remorse. A bit late.

Full immunity... TO DIE!!!

"Do you feel lucky, Sergei?"

Where's Sark?

You are one sick dog, Sergei.

NOW he's crying?

Why do they always want full immunity?

there's no crying in russian mobstering

Jack's thinking...you torture me...that machine is still downstairs...I can do the same to you...

Oooh...he's going to see what he can do...with a battery charger, perhaps?

Jack always gets them immunity from the President.

Jack's has a stab wound but Serge is one sweating like a pig.

Jack is both good cop and bad cop.

But the instant-stop weeping from Sergei was bizarre.

I can see it in his eyes???

Jack was stabbed one hour ago!!!

Not every day you hear those words...

"Why don't we give him a parade down Broadway?"

If you knew anything about New York, dude, you'd know parades go UP Broadway.

Hastings: you're such a kiss-ass butt coverer. You didn't want Jack interfering in the case at all, and NOW you're following Jack's lead?

dances, that was weird.

I think Jack just played his trump card. Even *I* don't want to listen to the president anymore.

"NOOOOOOOO! I'll tell you what you want! Anything! Just don't put me on the phone with her!"

Hey, if Deidre Hall could cry - and stop crying on command, then so can Jurgen Prochnow...

Oh, good grief. Did we slip into an episode of 90210? Everybody's lyin'.

the rods

this guy is a weasel

Ohp, we got the old FPJ eye-twich. You know what that means?

He's going to make the cocktail dress lady over into the hottest girl at CTU!

murder in her eyes....

You just know she wants to get up and dance.

Who are you kidding, Arlo, you know you love telling him this.

"So he's a friend."

"More like kissin' cousin, Southern style."

In the middle of the fuel rod crisis they're looking at Dana & Kevin.

I told you, Strip Club! Time for Dana to go Bauer on the moron twins.

rut roh...dead ex bf!

So far we have a running homage to Die Hard, Taken and, lest anyone forget, Jack went all Martin Riggs from Lethal Weapon on Nikola Tesla there.


And he still has the time and presence of mind to help dress a proby?

Kevin Wade = I've w@nked. (Pesky anagrams!)

Prediction: She'll strip nude...kill the creepy ex-boyfriend on stage...everyone will think its an act and no one will look at her face. Its perfect !

Now she cries herself to sleep in her Sienna!

Okay, I swear Jack would look great on blades and glitter tutu.

I think the same electroshock escape was in Rambo 2 as well.

oh great. This subplot

I keep forgetting to count the car ads every week, but they are countless.

How about the idiot who cried herself to sleep over owning a mini-van until she got her Sienna?

I really really really hate the stupid Volkswagen punching ads.

I'd like to pummel whoever came up with it.


For the love of God can we please just nuke this country and get rid of this subplot once and for all?

Subplot? I thought this was a commercial for some really lame new Fox drama....

I'm waiting for an irradiated cougar to get Kim.

It IS a really lame Fox drama...just not new. ;)

What makes us think that CTU won't screw this up and the rods will be in Queens in 10 minutes

Fleeing with the rods is a euphemism, right?

Fort Hamilton?! WTF. Hold on, I better close the windows, we're half a mile from there.

Oh wait, I forgot, we're in Florida.

Yep, because every leader of a tactical team does not wear any gear or armor, and runs right behind the guy in front...

I swear he just asked for Bode Miller.

the rods?

That's what they get for transporting the Ark of the Covenant

My God, is Bubba Hastings just horribly miscast or what?

They're in my old apartment again.

UH OH! I didn't see THAT coming! The rods are gone...

...And of course the Rods of the Apocalypse are missing.

Which were so dangerous they only needed wooden crates and Styrofoam packing for containment.

All in the family

Holy Russian Double Cross, Batman!

Maltese Cross.....Indians ,,,,

Hastings is master of observation.

No trucks are allowed on the Wantagh Parkway, by the way, or the Belt Parkway for that matter.

Great, now you gave him immunity and the rods are gone.

A double cross?? shocker.

Like father, like son.

Dana's not gonna let Kevin flee with his rod.

Sark has the rods!

the rods

Right, because the ONLY person who wears a gold cross is HIS SON!!!


Ok, I have to admit it. I like what they're doing with the overlapping, letterbox pictures.

Ah, so that's how you fake a Russian accent: keep your jaw clenched and talk through your teeth.

At least he's transporting them safely... you know, under blacklight

Awww...I wanted to see Starbuck whack the ex and his pal Cletus...maybe next week...

Next week on the subplot power hour...

Dave, Anthony Senior or Junior?

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