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February 15, 2010

24

Here is where we stand:

Last week Renee, who is working through some issues, used a handy knife to express her displeasure with Vladimir. Renee got a little carried away and also stabbed Jack in the stomach, but she didn't mean it personally, and of course Jack is not the kind of man to be slowed down by a mere stab wound or fatal bioweapon illness or decapitation. He recovered in time to fling the knife into the throat of one Russian mobster and shoot the others, thus leaving the show temporarily Russian-mobsterless. Fortunately it turns out that 35 percent of the greater New York City population consists of Russian mobsters, so a new batch showed up almost immediately and took Jack, who is still posing as a buyer for the Deadly Nuclear Rods of Lethal Atomic Doom, which are currently in a nondescript truck on the side of a highway. The CTU was supposed to track Jack, but of course the CTU has proven over the years that it could not track an elephant through a sandbox, so it has no earthly idea where Jack is.

Meanwhile in subplot action:

Highly qualified agent Dana Walsh's moron ex-boyfriend Kevin and his moron sidekick Nick managed to – Surprise! – screw up their heist, and now agent Walsh is in serious trouble, which may require her to (we're just tossing this idea out in case the show writers are reading this) take a shower or something.

President Woman President and Generic Islamic Republic President Sham continue to emit lines of dialogue.

Edgar is still dead.

Stay tuned in the comments after tonight's episode, when The Amazing Steve will make everything clear. Meanwhile, here's a poll:

How many CTU employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It takes 116: One to hold the bulb, and 115 to form a perimeter.
But the bulb would manage to escape anyway.
But then Jack would find it and cause it to light just by shouting "DAMMIT" at it.
Montpelier.
  
pollcode.com free polls


UPDATE: They trashed Jack's cellphone? Those BASTARDS.

UPDATE: Why was the Russian mobster chief cutting carrots?

UPDATE: I bet they're violating the warranty on that thing.

UPDATE: This is SOLID wood dialogue.

UPDATE: Ooooh. Agent Walsh knows what she needs to do. If you catch her drift.

UPDATE: The old thumb-in-the-wound.

UPDATE: He had better be using Purell.

UPDATE: The old use-your-feet-to-electrocute-his-heart.

UPDATE: President Sham uses a very powerful hair product.

UPDATE: Jack got another phone! NOW they're in trouble.

UPDATE: In short order there will be no Russians left on the entire East Coast.

UPDATE: Sigh. Yet another perimeter.

UPDATE: Somebody is going to have to pay for that glassware.

UPDATE: "She had to manually reboot the firmware." Heheheheh.

UPDATE: Every season I think they can't possibly come up with a more-clueless jackass to run CTU than the previous one, and every season they prove me wrong.

UPDATE: I think Jack needs to haul out the jumper cables.

UPDATE: The Daughter Sham subplot zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

UPDATE: A big CTU operation coming up... nothing can go wrong!

UPDATE: I'm thinking the rods are now in the possession of Anthony Soprano.

UPDATE: Oooh! Plot twist!

UPDATE:  Next week: Renee gets framed; Dana goes Kevin-hunting.

UPDATE: Take it, The Amazing Steve.

Comments

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If this brother dies of radiation poisoning...they wouldn't do that would they ? Dear God no...

Power hour?! Challenge accepted homebeef!

Anyone else getting a flashback to Scotty carrying his dead nephew? Okay. Just me.

Yeah, right. The Ford Focus pretty boy listens to Korean news on Sirius.

Hee, I'm having so much fun reading you guys and watching pairs skating at the same time. It all makes sense!!!!

I lost my rods!

Gen, that's what worries me about you. ;-)

...Jack goes rogue. Finally.

Mmmm... Castle repeat... mmmm

"We have nuclear material in the hands of terrorists."

"We need to make them fear us"

"Who did you have in mind?"
"Renee Walker."

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

"Son, you'd better put that down or you're going to get hurt."

Will CTU Redshirt dude be the first person in the history of the show to take Jack seriously when he says that?

Jack sez, "Son, you better put that down, or you're (not yer) gonna get hurt."

I think he's telling the truth!

oh well...Renee...scapegoat...zzzzzzzzzz

Diva, multi tasking with Jack is a must ;).

Hey, so how many shots did I miss tonight so I can catch up on the DRINKS?

Damn peace deal. It always has to be about you.

I saw absolutely NO action previewed in the next episode. I'm definitely doing a powerhour

Diva,

I didn't miss the parts where Jack's rods were showing ;).

I'm new at all this. Do people imbibe during the show ? There are probably health benefits (psychological) to this.

the rods

Genn, maybe next time we can work a triple lutz or at least some big air into Jack's repertoire! :-)

LeDud - as much as it takes until the plot makes sense

Well...gonna go watch Castle, even if it's a repeat.

Nite all!!

Imbibe? LeDud, people get to' up from the flo' up!

Dances, I would like to see Jack and Renee do a side-by-side, wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

And to all my Canadian friends here, Great Gold Medal Win ;-)!

There were a good half-dozen shootings, to say nothing of the slaughtered place-settings, plus electrocutions, stranglings, and a dead RAZR. Drink up!

Wicked! Wicked! Say. No. Moar!

And, many golden congratulations from me, too, eh!

This Renee. She's a goer, eh? Eh?

*nudge nudge wink wink*

Kudos to Dr. Alice for predicting the strip club action, by the way.

Renee Walker ... Leak renewer ... Rewaken leer

LeDud - you drink when anyone forms a perimeter, when Jack kills someone or says 'noo-cu-lar' or, hell, whenever the plotting gets particularly idiotic, which is often.

Thank you Jeff M et al. I'm thinking coke and rum next week. I'm an amateur, so I'll start slow. If I get laid off this Friday, I might turn pro.


*blushes @ ledud... when you get what?? on friday??

ooh. Off

THAT was funny trustf8!

Finally got caught up with the perimeter/shooting drinks. My. Head. Spins....

Best line tonite: Death by Table. I think I'll have to use that as a book title, guys.

Will now wait to enjoy Amazing Steve.

Whenever I hear
Of a perimeter
Or see a thigh shot
by Jack Bauer
Or see a piano leg
touching the floor
Or kiss the Blog
with an anagram

I get ...
Thirsty!
Thirsty!
Thirsty!

Apologies to the Fugs (As if that were necessary!)

Almost done! Posting in a few minutes! Hang on!

They did not find the nuclear wessels.

(steve scrambling to make sense of all the plot inconcystencies)

They did find some former nucular weasels, though.

snork@dances
True.

Previously on "24", we discovered:

Renee is pretty handy with a knife. She tried to help Jack get rid of a kidney stone, but missed; Despite making bad decisions in the past, Dana still hasn't learned to NOT make bad decisions; Arlo is still a stalker; Jack can take a knife to the gut, and will just walk it off; if you take Jack hostage, it's only because he let you do it, and because he wants the chance to kill as many bad guys as possible.

The following occurs between 11 pm and 12am:

11:00 pm – Dana leaves to make a phone call to Kevin, who is hiding out in a strip bar, not understanding that nobody can hide anything in a place like that. Dana figures that this is a great time to say goodbye to Kevin and Nick while they're busy drooling, but the boys have other ideas. They want to continue their operation. Dana tells them she's not interested in playing Doctor, and they explain what they really mean is to continue stealing with Dana's help. Otherwise they'll tell everyone she used to be a bad Cylon. Arlo arrives to stalk Dana, but when she sees him, he improvises and tells her that she shouldn't be sneaking off making private phone calls, or he'll tell Cole about Kevin. Arlo has no idea who Kevin really is, since he's only heard his name, but he's pretty sure it's that bird from the movie "Up."

With that out of the way, Arlo lets Dana know that Jack has taken the Russians hostage – they just don't know that yet.

11:05 pm – Cole explains to Hastings that they haven't figured out where Jack is. Hastings is upset that Renee used Vlad as a pin cushion. Hastings starts to question Dana about her absence, but Chloe steps and tells Hastings that Dana was helping implement a TCP/IP protocol completely in Flash. Hastings accepts this and leaves. When Dana tries to thank Chloe, Chloe tells her that she just wants help finding Jack before he kills all the hostages he's taken.

11:06 pm – Bazhaev, fresh from killing his youngest son, does what any father would do: He's working on replicating something he saw Gordon Ramsay make on "Kitchen Nightmares." A bunch of Jack's hostages bring Jack into the basement kitchen where Bazhaev is working, and he tells them to put Jack in a room down the hall. He's surprised to learn that Vlad is dead, and want's to know how Jack knows about the nuclear fuel rods. (They still don't realize that FOX has been running commercials mentioning them for weeks).

11:08 pm – Bazhaev goes to meet with Jack, who is still pretending to be Harry Potter, only without the glasses. Jack is now is now tied to a chair. Jack tells him that he's been looking for a horcrux, and some nuclear fuel rods. Bazhaev wants to know how Jack knows about the fuel rods, and Jack tells him that they intercepted some owls, and found out that Fahrad wanted to buy the fuel rods, but Jack's people want to do the deal instead. Bazhaev looks skeptical, and Jack won't tell him whom he's working for. Jack offers him $250 million dollars in small unmarked bills, or in change if he really wants it that way. Bazhaev doesn't believe that Jack isn't really a cop, so he orders one of his men to "make Jack talk", which probably isn't going to end well for the bad guys.

Josef arrives telling his father that he buried his younger brother. Bazhaev explains his skepticism, and won't tell Fahrad what's going on until Dmitry has a chance to "talk" with Jack.

Apparently Dmitry is a car mechanic, because he just happens to have a portable car starter with him. He zaps Jack right in the area where Renee wounded him. Knowing Jack, that only sealed the wound and has made him stronger.

Commercial


11:16 pm – Hasting is on the phone with Mrs. President, and gives her all the information he has on the situation, which means nothing.

Fahrad is on the phone with one of his lackeys. The lackey tells him that at the rate Hasan is cracking down on the opposition, they won't be able to reconstitute their nuclear program. Fahrad tells him it should be as easy as adding water because that is how he reconstitutes all kinds of other things. Fahrad tells him that the nuclear material should be there within the hour.

Bazhaev enters the room and tells Fahrad that some guy dressed like Harry Potter is downstairs working on his Electric Boogaloo, and wants to outbid him for the nuclear fuel rods. Bazhaev tells Fahrad he has halted the shipments, because he doesn't want to expose himself. Fahrad agrees that nobody wants to see something like that, but unless he gets those fuel rods, they'll be worthless to him because of Hasan's crackdown. Fahrad starts to complain at Bazhaev about the whole Hasan assassination screw up, which ticks Josef off enough to pull a gun on Fahrad. Bazhaev tells Josef to take Fahrad to the rendezvous point to wait.

11:19 pm – Renee arrives at CTU with Cole. She starts to question Hastings about whether or not he's got a lead, and that he should be using all the great CTU technology they have. Hastings counters by telling her that they did have a good lead, but Renee stabbed it in the eye. Hastings then tells Chloe to debrief Renee and to have her get a psych eval, but to make sure she doesn't have anything sharp at her disposal. Chloe tells Hastings that there's nothing sharp about anything at CTU, but he ignores this and leaves.

Renee is upset that Jack's been taken, but Chloe convinces her that she needs to write a statement.

11:20 pm – Dana tells Cole that she needs to talk to him. She tells him that she wants to tell him why she's been acting weird for the last couple of days, which is especially weird since she's only heard from Kevin within the last few HOURS. There's no telling what else has been making her act weird before that.

She tells him that there are things about per past that she hasn't told him. She looks very concerned that he's not going to believe anything about her Battlestar Galactica days, but suddenly seems convinced she knows how to handle the whole situation.

11:22 pm – Meanwhile, back in the torture room where Jack is hanging from one of the rafters, Jack is still being tortured. This time, Dmitry pulls off Jack's bandage really quickly, but even THAT doesn't seem to faze Jack. Dmitry asks Jack who he's working for, and then presses Jack's wound, in the mistaken belief that either this is will make Jack say a pre-recorded message, or that it will turn him off like it would Data. Dmitry continues to torture Jack until Jack pretends to fall asleep. Jack, deciding that he's questioned Dmitry long enough grabs the electrical grip from him with his FEET and uses it to shock Dmitry until Dmitry passes out. Or is dead. Whatever.

Jack notices that the pipe he's hanging from is leaking, and climbs over to the leaking area to try clean his feet. He also tries to release himself.

Commercial

11:30 pm – Hasan's daughter goes to talk to Hasan, and she's pretty upset at Tarin's arrest. She also tells him that she's seeing Tarin on the side, and that they both hope to be on a couple's version of Survivor. Hasan is very upset by this, since that show is on another network, and tells her that he doesn't want her to see him again.

11:33 pm – Jack struggles with the pipe a bit more, but his feet are completely clean now, so all is well. Dmitry, who wasn't quite dead yet, wakes up just as Jack causes the pipe to come crashing down to the floor. Dmitry makes the classic mistake of bringing a knife to a Jack fight, and after a brief struggle gets killed by Jack, even though Jack is completely tied up. Jack frees himself. He goes through Dmitry's pockets for a breath mint, but only finds a cell phone. The cell phone doesn't work. Jack decides a better option might be to just leave. He sees that Bazhaev is still in the building, and that he happens to be near the fuse box. The next thing you know, the entire place goes dark. Bazhaev is smart enough to realize it might be "Muir", and tells them to look for him.

Now, despite the rest of the place being completely dark, there is still light near the fuse box. The lackey that went to check on it tries to turn the power back on, but Jack jumps down from the ceiling where he was hiding using his Spiderman powers. It takes Jack about two seconds to kill this guy, and he finds a cell phone on this guy. He calls Chloe to talk about how great it has been to FINALLY take out some bad guys, and asks her to trace the phone call to get some CTU agents over there right away. He puts down the phone and starts hunting more bad guys.

He finds one to shoot, and does so. Bazhaev sees this, and kicking it old school, shoots at Jack with a shotgun. Jack, being the more modern guy that he is, dives for a machine gun, and shoots that. He completely misses Bazhaev and dives under a table. Bazhaev takes this opportunity to shoot some of the glassware on the tables, which he didn't like anyway and misses Jack by a mile. Bazhaev moves in close to see if he's killed Jack. Jack uses this to his advantage and knocks out Bazhaev by pushing the table on him, chalking up one of the few times that Jack has knocked out someone using a table that had been set for a formal occasion.

Commercial

11:42 pm – Cole explains to Hastings that they're sending a team to Jack. Hastings wants to know where Dana is, and Arlo completely tattletales on her, saying that she left 15 minutes ago, or in Jack terms, two dead bodies go.

Renee is relieved to hear that Jack is OK, and wants to talk to him. Chloe tells her that she needs to go to the infirmary to have her head examined, and takes her there.

11:43 pm – CTU finally makes it to Jack, who takes this opportunity to do a nice product placement with his Sprint phone. Jack asks to speak to Bazhaev alone, and promises not to kill him very much while he questions him. Jack tries to cut a deal to get information about the rods, telling Bazhaev that Josef and Oleg will be part of the deal too. Bazhaev tells Jack that he shot Oleg, because he only had a bit part in the storyline. Bazhaev wants full immunity.

Jack calls Chloe, and gets conferenced in to the conversation with Hastings and Mrs. President. Jack convinces them that Bazhaev won't talk without a deal, and Mrs. President tells Jack that she'll tell Bazhaev that personally.

11:46 pm – Back at CTU, Cole confronts Arlo about Dana and wants to know what Arlo was implying. He tells Cole, "I don't want to be the one that tells you this", when you can see it in his eyes that he TOTALLY wants to be the one that tells Cole this: Dana went to meet "some guy". Cole thinks that Arlo must have misunderstood, because "Sum Gai" is one of her favorite Chinese meals. As proof, Arlo shows Cole the picture of Kevin up close and personal with Dana.

Hastings interrupts and tells Cole to go to a helipad to meet with his team. Cole leaves, but not before telling Arlo to trace where Dana is. He calls her.

Dana gets the call, but doesn't answer. She's spying on Kevin in that club he's in.

Cole leaves a message, and enters an elevator. In the elevator, he helps one of his men buckle a strap. Unfortunately for this man, whenever someone helps someone else with a strap, the person who gets help is sure to die soon.

Commercial

11:55 pm – Kayla tries to see Tarin and guilts the guard into telling her when Tarin will be transported out of the area.

11:56 pm – Hastings paces back and forth while giving Cole instructions. The helicopter approaches, but there aren't any hostiles in sight, probably due to the fact that a HELICOPTER IS RIGHT THERE. The helicopter lands. They use a radiation detector to find the truck with the fuel rods, and open the door.

Instead of fuel rods, they discover the body of someone whose last act on earth was to try and stare at the hole someone put into his forehead. The person he was with is dead too, and the fuel rods are gone! One of the CTU agents notices that a necklace, the same necklace that Josef took from Oleg was hanging on the door. Josef took the rods, and forgot the necklace! Boy, his father is going to be mad.

Jack gets the call about the missing rods, and confronts Bazhaev. Bazhaev tells Jack they must have gone to the wrong truck that contained nuclear fuel rods, since they are so easy to mix up. Hastings tells Jack that they also found Oleg's necklace, and Bazhaev realizes it was Josef who took the fuel rods.

Meanwhile, Josef makes a phone call to Fahrad and tells him that he'll have the fuel rods to their location in a few minutes. Josef must be very strong, because somehow he got that huge box with the fuel rods in the back of his truck.

12:00 am – Time's up!

NEXT TIME ON "24": Jack yells! Lots of phone calls! Dana has a silencer! Someone tries to pull a gun on Jack!

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!

Castle repeat next week.

I'm wondering, since they spent so much time this episode "paying homage" to Bruce Willis' barefoot Beretta dancing in Die Hard, if "24's" producers could somehow talk Alan Rickman into playing a Hans Gruber-like villian for Jack to throw off a skyscraper.

I mean, they talked Jurgen Prochnow into being on the show, so surely they could land Rickman. If nothing else, Rickman could likely do a better Slavic accent...

...Or maybe they could have Rickman bring along his Snape cape, and Jack could once again don his Harry Potter disguise and interrogate Rickman about the identity of the Half-Blood Prince or something.

Just sayin'.

Steve: good job as always.

Dang. Is Castle waiting till they find the rods?

"With that out of the way, Arlo lets Dana know that Jack has taken the Russians hostage – they just don't know that yet."

Steve, you kill me! And you didn't even have to use your feet to jumper-cable my heart...

As always, steve, you make the show sound better than it was is...

just
better

er

I was on the Herald Hompage and i see this link that says "What dave berry thinks of 24?" and i thought...Who gives a Sh*t what dave berry thinks about 24!!!!

Jack Bauer put in a powerful performance, with strategic footwork and exciting executions, and although he turned tables on the Russians, in the end someone else got the medal.

Amazing job, Steve! If 24 gets any dumber, at least you can "spice it up"!!

Here's an idea:

Coming this summer: The Amazing Steve's "24:the opera" wherein terrorists implant a mind-control device in Jack Bauer, when he went in for a cyst removal.

Bauer keeps yelling "Assist please!" and the doctors think he wants to see his cyst. Jack is actually asking for help, because the cyst is the small intestines where Renee stabbed him. And Jack refused any anesthesia, because he thought they were asking him for youth-in-asia, and Jack Bauer didn't like the youth he met in Asia. Or anywhere,
actually. (By the way, what happened to young Master
Bauer, Jack's son/nephew or whatever?)

Just an idea, just sayin'....

Tonight Bauer learned that killing someone using your feet and electroshock can almost ---almost be
as fun as shooting them in the thigh. That is, unless the voltage was set to stun, not to kill...
anyway, you can always strangle them with a knee lock/chokehold and handcuffs make attractive strangling devices!

Hey, Amazing Steve, if Dave will let you...could you write an occasional column ala classic Dave,
for us fans? Keep up the good work!!!


Next week on 24:

Josef delivers the Rods to Farhad, and then Hiro appears to tell Josef he is really Adam Monroe and he needs to head back to stop the cheerleader, save the world...

sorry, wrong show. Seriously, Josef/Adam may be the first time the same actor plays two roles in two shows that normally compete at the same time.

That is until terrorists took over and detroy NBC by forcing then to show the boring Winter games...

Thanks, Amazing Steve, for yet another amazing job keeping everything straight. Very funny stuff tonight although I was hoping you would sneak in a triple lutz in there for Jack ;-).

Sigh. I love it when Jack kills with his bare feet.

Jack tells him that he's been looking for a horcrux, and some nuclear fuel rods.

*snork*

Unfortunately for this man, whenever someone helps someone else with a strap, the person who gets help is sure to die soon.

Couldn't be clearer if he was an ensign beaming down with Kirk and Spock.

Excellent as always, Amazing. Of course, you did have a little more action to work with this week.

Can't wait for Dana to take out The Hillbillys next week.

Anyone who watched ALIAS will not have been surprised that Josef/Adam/Sark turned to the dark side.

Let's just hope he ends up as he usually does, in a coffin, buried alive.


Thanks, everyone!

Excellent, Steve!!

Katee Sackhoff is not attractive. She was ugly on Nip/Tuck and she is ugly on this show.

Sadly, I am finding these comments more enjoyable than 24. It is kind of like a revival of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Remember that show?

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