24

Here is where we stand:

Last week Renee, who is working through some issues, used a handy knife to express her displeasure with Vladimir. Renee got a little carried away and also stabbed Jack in the stomach, but she didn't mean it personally, and of course Jack is not the kind of man to be slowed down by a mere stab wound or fatal bioweapon illness or decapitation. He recovered in time to fling the knife into the throat of one Russian mobster and shoot the others, thus leaving the show temporarily Russian-mobsterless. Fortunately it turns out that 35 percent of the greater New York City population consists of Russian mobsters, so a new batch showed up almost immediately and took Jack, who is still posing as a buyer for the Deadly Nuclear Rods of Lethal Atomic Doom, which are currently in a nondescript truck on the side of a highway. The CTU was supposed to track Jack, but of course the CTU has proven over the years that it could not track an elephant through a sandbox, so it has no earthly idea where Jack is.

Meanwhile in subplot action:

Highly qualified agent Dana Walsh's moron ex-boyfriend Kevin and his moron sidekick Nick managed to – Surprise! – screw up their heist, and now agent Walsh is in serious trouble, which may require her to (we're just tossing this idea out in case the show writers are reading this) take a shower or something.

President Woman President and Generic Islamic Republic President Sham continue to emit lines of dialogue.

Edgar is still dead.

Stay tuned in the comments after tonight's episode, when The Amazing Steve will make everything clear. Meanwhile, here's a poll:

How many CTU employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
	It takes 116: One to hold the bulb, and 115 to form a perimeter.
	But the bulb would manage to escape anyway.
	But then Jack would find it and cause it to light just by shouting "DAMMIT" at it.
	Montpelier.
pollcode.com free polls

UPDATE: They trashed Jack's cellphone? Those BASTARDS.

UPDATE: Why was the Russian mobster chief cutting carrots?

UPDATE: I bet they're violating the warranty on that thing.

UPDATE: This is SOLID wood dialogue.

UPDATE: Ooooh. Agent Walsh knows what she needs to do. If you catch her drift.

UPDATE: The old thumb-in-the-wound.

UPDATE: He had better be using Purell.

UPDATE: The old use-your-feet-to-electrocute-his-heart.

UPDATE: President Sham uses a very powerful hair product.

UPDATE: Jack got another phone! NOW they're in trouble.

UPDATE: In short order there will be no Russians left on the entire East Coast.

UPDATE: Sigh. Yet another perimeter.

UPDATE: Somebody is going to have to pay for that glassware.

UPDATE: "She had to manually reboot the firmware." Heheheheh.

UPDATE: Every season I think they can't possibly come up with a more-clueless jackass to run CTU than the previous one, and every season they prove me wrong.

UPDATE: I think Jack needs to haul out the jumper cables.

UPDATE: The Daughter Sham subplot zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

UPDATE: A big CTU operation coming up... nothing can go wrong!

UPDATE: I'm thinking the rods are now in the possession of Anthony Soprano.

UPDATE: Oooh! Plot twist!

UPDATE:  Next week: Renee gets framed; Dana goes Kevin-hunting.

UPDATE: Take it, The Amazing Steve.

Comments

[Diva]

They gave her an Etch-A-Sketch®!

[LeDud]

Chloe, computer nerd, is doing debriefing ? What next ...brain surgery ?

[Cheesewiz]

She has to write her statement on an Etch-a-sketch?

[kombatkoala]

Is Chloe really being ... comforting?! WTF

Okay, its official, the writers are WASTED

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Uh oh, she's tugging at her ring...

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Quick, Starbuck, tell him the truth: that you're really a guy.

[danceswithvowels]

Renee's suicidal and cataplectic, so they're making her write an essay. Good strategem!

[homeybeef]

"Let's have a subplot in the hallway here"

[Diva]

^5 Cheese! :)

[Cassie]

Tell Freddie that you're a ghost.

[Siouxie]

I...I...I used to be a good actress.

[Jeff Meyerson]

When is Chloe going to whack Arlo?

"Cole, I have a big problem."

"I would never call off the engagement. You will, when you hear the rest."

"All that matters is now."

Cole, you haven't heard about Kevin & Nick.

[danceswithvowels]

*Snork* @ homey!

[Diva]

I think we've heard enough dialogue.

[The Dead Henchman]

Oh no...you go.. now. Right now.

[LeDud]

Hepititas....aids....mad cow...

[homeybeef]

Can Jack just bite this guy already?

[Wes S.]

I thought that was a stab wound. Was the makeup department out of fake stab wounds and forced to substitute a gunshot wound instead?

[The Dead Henchman]

They're just recharging him...

[Cassie]

I guess Renee didn't get that cyst out.

[Gennita Low]

Cassie,
Thank you! Hope you enjoy them!

No thigh shooting in them...but there's action!

[Siouxie]

Time to jump-start him again.

[danceswithvowels]

Fake sleeping/death!

[Cheesewiz]

wait for it

[Wes S.]

Somebody's gonna get it. ha ha haHA ha...

[Jeff Meyerson]

Time for Jenny to head to Jersey City to take out Kevin & Nick.

I'm not a cop; true.
I'm just a businessman.

Not.

Time for Jack to use the leg neck snap.

[The Dead Henchman]

Prepare to die...

[Diva]

Yay, Jack!!!!!

[Cassie]

Damn... good one Jack

[homeybeef]

JACK...FREAKIN...BAUER

[Siouxie]

HAH!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

YAY! Awesomest death this season! Now to wait another 8 episodes on average...

[Jeff Meyerson]

Now you're talking (er, screaming), Jack.

*drinks*

[The Dead Henchman]

Cheap plumbing...the hero's friend...

[JustBnatural]

He should never turn his back on Jack!

[The Dead Henchman]

Same way Liam Neeson escaped in Taken....

[Jeff Meyerson]

"The Recession that made us great"?

Does President Allstate expect us to buy that?

[danceswithvowels]

Dripping water speaks to Jack!

President Allstate sez, "Protect Yours!"

[mikeS]

spider-jack !

[kombatkoala]

I could have SWORN i saw them tie his feet down when they put him up there. Did they seriously attach it to nothing on the floor with an elastic wasteband?

"Hey, we're international mobsters but we're out of zipties."
"Well, I got some old sweatpants..."
"Yeah, we'll use the waistband!"
"But won't he be able to pull them apart easily? Shouldn't we just use the cloth?"
"Shut up! I'm the boss around here for no apparent reason - certainly not my intelligence!"

[homeybeef]

"YAY! Awesomest death this season! Now to wait another 8 episodes on average..."

Sorry, jack removing a knife from his torso and backhanding it into a mans neck was the best. Can it be...2 awesome episodes in a row?

[Largebill]

That Arlo character needs his ass whipped something serious.

[LeDud]

how exactly did jack put the cables on the ruskie? I'm too slow I guess

[danceswithvowels]

Mr. LangPer is on the scene, catching herd drift!

[rockin01]

I'm with you, LeDud. We need slo-mo for the few Jack killing scenes we get each season.

[Tash]

Mmmmm, barefoot Jack should be in the Olympics.

[phelps101893]

Those Russian scumbags just made a VERY CRUCIAL MISTAKE: they messed with Jack Bauer.

By the way, everybody knows that Kiefer Sutherland was born in Canada, right?

LET'S GO JACK!

AMAZING STEVE ROCKS!

[Mitch]

No Drink! The last strawberry daiquiri was just finished. (sniff)

[tropichunt.com guy™]

"I told you I didn't want to be disturbed."

"But, sir, you're crazy already..."

[Jeff Meyerson]

Heineken LIGHT?

WTFBBQ is up with that?

Bad dialogue generator coming up.

"I have no friends."

[Mitch]

Dead, I was thinking the same thing. He just needed a little steam.

[Cassie]

Pot meet kettle.

[LeDud]

score one for daughter....

[Siouxie]

"He was....my boyfriend..."

[The Dead Henchman]

Uh-oh...she's about to get stoned to death...

[Diva]

Wow. Can she be ANY worse an actress?!

[Jeff Meyerson]

"We're more than friends. We are in love. And have been for more than a year."

*snore*

She's pretty but can we get an actress in here?

[Wes S.]

Well...that confession just guaranteed that Tarim is gonna get it in the neck.

And probably guaranteed that President Sham's wayward daughter is gonna end up stoned to death for adultery. President Sham's "moderation" obviously has its limits, after all...

[The Dead Henchman]

Will we see the first honor killiong on 24?

[Diva]

^5, Jeff!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

He's been reading "How to Go Paranoid and Insane in Three Hours or Less"

[Largebill]

Time for more dead Russians.

[Wes S.]

YES! Broke his arm and his neck!

[Diva]

And he did it all handcuffed!!! That's my Jack!

[Jeff Meyerson]

He's alive.

Excuse me, he was alive.

Did I call the legs around the neck or what?

*drinks*

[kombatkoala]

I thought Jack got stabbed, and the torturer re-opened the wound. He seriously is jumping around like that?!

[danceswithvowels]

Ow, Dmitri. That was a painful death!

[The Dead Henchman]

Jack's happy now...he got to kill him TWICE!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Here, your neck appears to be keeping you from sleeping...let me straighten it. *snap* There, now you'll sleep...permanently.

[Wes S.]

Oh wow. Jack is barefoot AND has a Beretta.

Are the screenwriters back to ripping off "Die Hard" movies again?

[Diva]

He's bleeding under that shirt, koala.

[Siouxie]

They're gonna need a whole new batch of Russian mobsters. I've got a load of them on Facebook.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Perimeter!

*drinks*

[danceswithvowels]

Stupid RAZR. Where's his iPadski?

Perimeterski!

[The Dead Henchman]

Perimeter!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

DARK PERIMETER, DRINK!

[LeDud]

Jacke has night vision. He's a cyborg.

[Diva]

*snork* @ Siouxie!

PERIMETER!!! *drinks*

[tropichunt.com guy™]

BTW, lights went out? Does that mean FPL became a part of the plot?

[homeybeef]

Jack IS Spiderman!

[Diva]

Whee!!! Stab wound straight to the heart!! This is GOOD!!!

[Wes S.]

One more down. We're going to need another batch of Russian mobsters soon...

[Cheesewiz]

finally two bars!

[The Dead Henchman]

All that for a phone

[danceswithvowels]

Wow, they've got high phone tolls in the mobski!

[Jeff Meyerson]

Another dead Russkie.

Call Chloe. Good.

Got more Russians to kill, Chloe.

[LeDud]

why not turn the lights off again. just a thought

[Diva]

But Hench, it's an iPhone!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

I'm calling it...Die Hard. Jack with no shoes...

[Mitch]

Jack's getting pretty proficient with the Leatherman...and it's nice to see he hasn't lost his gun skills.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Dude, you want to get back to your carrots, believe me.

[danceswithvowels]

Clean-up in the banquet room!

[kombatkoala]

Within an hour - stabbed, tortured, finger in the stab wound, hit by a shotgun blast, and still kicking!

[Cheesewiz]

Jack almost mooned us.

[JustBnatural]

HE SHOT JACK!!! He's gonna be a dead Russian bad guy!

[homeybeef]

Death by table

[Wes S.]

Did somebody say Jack was the Terminator? Because Jurgen Prochnow seems to have gotten hold of Linda Hamilton's Remington from T2...

[Siouxie]

He's dead, Jack.

[T-Mill]

Are you serious? Death by table?

[Wes S.]

...and like Linda Hamilton in T2, Jurgen didn't have quite enough ammunition to deal with the threat.