24

Here is where we stand:

Last week Renee, who is working through some issues, used a handy knife to express her displeasure with Vladimir. Renee got a little carried away and also stabbed Jack in the stomach, but she didn't mean it personally, and of course Jack is not the kind of man to be slowed down by a mere stab wound or fatal bioweapon illness or decapitation. He recovered in time to fling the knife into the throat of one Russian mobster and shoot the others, thus leaving the show temporarily Russian-mobsterless. Fortunately it turns out that 35 percent of the greater New York City population consists of Russian mobsters, so a new batch showed up almost immediately and took Jack, who is still posing as a buyer for the Deadly Nuclear Rods of Lethal Atomic Doom, which are currently in a nondescript truck on the side of a highway. The CTU was supposed to track Jack, but of course the CTU has proven over the years that it could not track an elephant through a sandbox, so it has no earthly idea where Jack is.

Meanwhile in subplot action:

Highly qualified agent Dana Walsh's moron ex-boyfriend Kevin and his moron sidekick Nick managed to – Surprise! – screw up their heist, and now agent Walsh is in serious trouble, which may require her to (we're just tossing this idea out in case the show writers are reading this) take a shower or something.

President Woman President and Generic Islamic Republic President Sham continue to emit lines of dialogue.

Edgar is still dead.

Stay tuned in the comments after tonight's episode, when The Amazing Steve will make everything clear. Meanwhile, here's a poll:

How many CTU employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
	It takes 116: One to hold the bulb, and 115 to form a perimeter.
	But the bulb would manage to escape anyway.
	But then Jack would find it and cause it to light just by shouting "DAMMIT" at it.
	Montpelier.
pollcode.com free polls

UPDATE: They trashed Jack's cellphone? Those BASTARDS.

UPDATE: Why was the Russian mobster chief cutting carrots?

UPDATE: I bet they're violating the warranty on that thing.

UPDATE: This is SOLID wood dialogue.

UPDATE: Ooooh. Agent Walsh knows what she needs to do. If you catch her drift.

UPDATE: The old thumb-in-the-wound.

UPDATE: He had better be using Purell.

UPDATE: The old use-your-feet-to-electrocute-his-heart.

UPDATE: President Sham uses a very powerful hair product.

UPDATE: Jack got another phone! NOW they're in trouble.

UPDATE: In short order there will be no Russians left on the entire East Coast.

UPDATE: Sigh. Yet another perimeter.

UPDATE: Somebody is going to have to pay for that glassware.

UPDATE: "She had to manually reboot the firmware." Heheheheh.

UPDATE: Every season I think they can't possibly come up with a more-clueless jackass to run CTU than the previous one, and every season they prove me wrong.

UPDATE: I think Jack needs to haul out the jumper cables.

UPDATE: The Daughter Sham subplot zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

UPDATE: A big CTU operation coming up... nothing can go wrong!

UPDATE: I'm thinking the rods are now in the possession of Anthony Soprano.

UPDATE: Oooh! Plot twist!

UPDATE:  Next week: Renee gets framed; Dana goes Kevin-hunting.

UPDATE: Take it, The Amazing Steve.

Comments

[Antonio]

Wine perimeter ready!

[ZZ Jeff]

Sam Samudio Lives!

[kittyinasock]

"How many CTU employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"

All of them. But it would have to be a really big light bulb.

[trustf8]

Anyone wanna take a stab at what happens tonight?

[Wes S.]

I'm present. And there's no accounting.

[Dr Alice]

I kind of enjoyed watching doofuses Kevin and Nick last week. It's the first time that subplot didn't make me want to scratch my eyes out. I bet this week they go to a strip club and start stuffing the girls' G-strings with $100 bills or something equally lame.

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

Ready to go!

How many CTU employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"

Zero. There are no lightbulbs in CTU.

[Wes S.]

There's lots of dimbulbs there though, Steve...

[Cassie]

Hi everyone!

Are they going to look for nuclear wessels?

[homeybeef]

Hi everyone! I'm here this week.

"How many CTU employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"

The lightbulb is the mole!

[rockin01]

I'm back! Boy, I missed you guys last week. Anybody miss me?

[trustf8]

"How many dimwits get screwed in CTU?"

(watt?)

[rockin01]

"How many CTU employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?" None- if you're at CTU, you're already screwed.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Programming note: House is a rerun, so is Castle.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Then again, snowboarding is way more exciting than 24.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Why did Cameron dye her hair blonde, anyway?

[Siouxie]

I got ze wodka...

[Jeff Meyerson]

Don't bogart it, Siouxie.

OK, nuclear wessel hunt, coming up.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!

What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!

It's amazing. You look like a normal person but actually you are the angel of death.

BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!

Nothing. Its just that all men are sure it never happened to them and all women at one time or other have done it, so you do the math.

BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!

When I buy a new book, I read the last page first. That way, in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends. That, my friend, is a dark side.

*Chicago's "Saturday In The Park" begins playing*

Terrorists in the park;
I think it was the Fourth of July?
CTU in the park;
I think it was the Fifth of July?

People running, people screaming
Edgar eating ice cream
Singing some freaky songs:
¿Ese 'Potter'? No, un 'otter'.
Can Jack shoot them? Yes, he can.
And we've been waiting such a long time
For shooting day!

Terrorists in the park
I think it was the Sixth of July?
CTU in the park
I think it was the Eighth of July?

People bleeding, really crying
A man lobbing mortars
Aiming for us all
Go get Jack to stop him please.
Can he do that? Sure he can.
And he's been waiting such a long time
For today!

Slow motion 'plosions fill the colors of dismay
A new Khan, Marwan, kills people his own way:
"Listen, outcasts, all will be lost,
All WILL BE LOST!
MOO-HA-HA!"

Forty days in the park
Every day's some day in July.
Despite the fact there's only
Thirty one days in July.

People talking, viewers sleeping
A real disappointment
Waiting for us all.
If we watch it, really watch it...
Can you watch it? No, I can't.
'Cos we've been waiting such a long time
For shooting...yeah yeah yeah.

JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BOWAH POWAH OWAH!
J A C K B A U E R P O W E R H O U R !

Brought to you by: JackSack™ ("JackSack™ gave ChloeSack™ what she wanted for Valentine's Day: Support for her packets.") and ChloeSack™ ("ChloeSack™ would love to spend any day in the park with JackSack™...")

LET'S GET READY TO ROOOOOOOOOOOOOMBLE!

This season's "24" intros are brought to you in memory of my dear friend Michael "Sparky" Bushaw, who passed away the day after this past Christmas. Sparky, my fraternity big brother, best man at my wedding and best friend for the last 20 years, was the one person with whom I watched "24" when it originally premiered on Fox. Always a fan of the show, I believe it fitting to dedicate this season in his memory. Rest in peace, brother...I miss you!

[Wes S.]

Snowboarding being "more exciting" than 24, Jeff? I think not.

Biathlon, maybe, but probably not snowboarding...

;)

[rockin01]

Viewer inebriation is advised...

[Jeff Meyerson]

Oy vey, Dana/Kevin alert!

[homeybeef]

the rods >_<

[Siouxie]

Good one, Andy!!

[Gennita Low]

Dear wonderful Bauerites,

Because of the higher possibility of thigh injury (not mine!), I'm opting to watch figure skating while Jack is saving the Rods. So my comments will be few and strangely garbled. Here's to y'all enjoying Jack playing insect-zapper tonight!

[danceswithvowels]

So, Chase says he killed someone, eh? Trying to get bumped an hour later?

[Jeff Meyerson]

Rhetorical question for Dave's quiz:

Could CTU be any more useless?

I thought you were joking about the strip club.

[Wes S.]

Ha! Doctor Alice called it re: Kevin!

[Cassie]

Hi Gennita
BTW I just bought my belated b-day gift, a nook and downloaded your first 3 books. :-D

[kombatkoala]

What? He's not just leaving? Who didn't see that coming?!

[homeybeef]

This subplot WILL NOT END!

[Cassie]

Okay Jeff you broke it

[Cheesewiz]

On now Kevin is double crossing Dana.

These are some wiley writers.

[danceswithvowels]

"That's not gonna happen." Why couldn't Kevin have saved that line for Valentine's Day?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Starbuck's always gettin' screwed...

[Jeff Meyerson]

"Yeah, that's not gonna happen."

"You promised me."

Jenny, your dumb@ss b!tch., you gonna be our golden goose.

[judi]

crap, who turned on the italics and went to the bathroom?

[Jeff Meyerson]

OK, I broke it.

My bad.

*drinks*

[danceswithvowels]

Less italics would be more useful, I think. ;-)

[Cassie]

I'll drink to that Jeff

[Jeff Meyerson]

"Are you spying on me, Arlo?"

"Is the Pope Catholic?"

[Siouxie]

<--------points to Jeff.

SMACKS him

[danceswithvowels]

That Chloe! She can lie (and delete logs without access permission even)!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Look, he slices, he dices...even makes julienne fries!

[Jeff Meyerson]

Why is Chloe covering for Dana?

Dana the Golden Goose.

OK, nutty Russian dad alert. And bad Russian accents.

[Diva]

yay, judi!!

[kombatkoala]

Best borsch in the city, right there - his secret ingredient? Jack Bauer

[judi]

jeff, it's ALWAYS you. :-p

[kombatkoala]

Oh, they're bringing back lord farquad?

[Diva]

*waves hello at everyone!*

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Jack looks like be needs surgery to remove a cyst...

Oh, wait, he had that surgery in the last episode...

[Jeff Meyerson]

Hey, you promised no smacking Siouxie!

Ernst, you forgot your accent.

"Not at liberty to say."

Hahahaha

[homeybeef]

Jack eats pain and craps dead terrorists.

[kombatkoala]

Jeff - at least they ditched the Harry Potter glasses

[Wes S.]

Diva!

[Cheesewiz]

Fry me to the moon.

[judi]

hey, that guys from HEROES!

[Cassie]

I wonder if they'll see the torture marks on Jack's back.

[Jeff Meyerson]

"Who do you verk for?"

The only deal they're going to make Jack is PAIN.

NTTAWWT

[danceswithvowels]

Let's make snowmen! Vlad has the carrot noses.

[Diva]

Wes!

[Mitch]

Serg is thinking about Diehard batteries right about now.

Hello, all.

[homeybeef]

Well this a situation for comedy.

[Cassie]

partially naked Jack...mmmmm

[kombatkoala]

Ha, all they're doing is recharging Jack for some good old fashioned thigh shooting...

[danceswithvowels]

Dmitri, there will be some breaking, but you won't like it.

[All]

Hello, Mitch!

[Siouxie]

*zzzzzzzzzaaaaaaaaaaapppp*

[Jeff Meyerson]

Judi, first he was Sark on ALIAS.

"Off the Wantagh Parkway"??? WTFBBQ?!

He's got the rods at Jones Beach?

Dude, Jack was in a Chinese prison for two years. You think you'll break him?

Please.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

How cute, they're tickling Jack with electricity...

[Wes S.]

Well...the good news is that Igor there just cauterized the wound Renee left when she removed Jack's cyst.

So that worked out.

[Diva]

Well, THAT was a shocking development!

[homeybeef]

UPDATE: I bet their violating the warranty on that thing.

Jack's been out of warranty for years now but he still works perfectly.

[Jeff Meyerson]

"Unbelievably great tasting"?

Don't you think Applebee's is overselling it a little?

[mikeS]

don't they know they're just powering jack up ?

[j]

Mr. Language P!erson: Typo alert in third update

[Jeff Meyerson]

Dave, he was cutting carrots because he makes stew whenever he kills one of his sons.

[Siouxie]

He's still alive because he wasn't killed.

well...duh...

[Josh]

Production forgot to remove the price sticker from the bottom of that prop steel bowl.

[Mitch]

I had to convince Denise to end her phone call early. Life and death, don't you know.

[danceswithvowels]

UPDATE: I bet their violating the warranty on that thing ... (still waiting for a verbial contusion here). Paging Mr. Doctor Language Person!

[kombatkoala]

Whoa, I missed Lord Farquad's Soul Patch

[Siouxie]

You don't know Jack!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

"Not days, I can promise you that."

Jack can die and come back to life. He has an eternity.

[danceswithvowels]

Not days. This man will teach us interesting things very shortly.

[kombatkoala]

It looks like a caterpillar got drunk and is becoming enamored with his lower lip...

[Jeff Meyerson]

What mission? I thought his mission was kill his brother, which failed miserably.

"Not days, I can promise you that. No more than 24 hours."

Dude, this guy just killed his own son, do you really think he'll stick at killing you?

[kombatkoala]

@Siouxie - awesome game

[Jeff Meyerson]

Where's "The rendezvous" - Fire Island?

[danceswithvowels]

Snorrrrrrrrrrre.

[Mitch]

Everybody wants to kill their brother/son/father. Is this a rerun of Love: American Style.

[Cheesewiz]

This Hastings guy is such a stiff. Talk about your political appointees.

[danceswithvowels]

Why haven't you used everything *in* your disposal?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

And there we go...he lost Freckles...

[Wes S.]

"We want to know every detail leading up to the death of Vladimir."

Voyeur much, Hastings?

[Cassie]

Nooooooooo... not Medical. Not everyone lives when they go there.

[Mitch]

Psych evaluation? Count me in.

[JustBnatural]

NOW he orders a full psyche evaluation!! The scars on her wrists weren't a clue?

[Jeff Meyerson]

"You should have been honest with me."

Hastings, you don't even know Dana's really Jenny!

Chloe looks good.

[homeybeef]

Chloe's going to debrief Freckle's. :)