24

Here is where we stand:

Last week Renee "went dark" (if you catch our meaning) (our meaning is "had sex") with the Russian mobster Vladimir in an effort to get him to arrange the sale of the Deadly Nuclear Rods of Death to Jack, who is posing as a non-credible German. Vladimir tried to have his henchpersons whack Jack, but of course that didn't work, so Vladimir has agreed to meet with Jack in what we are sure will be an amicable get-together.

Meanwhile in subplot action:

-- Bazhaev the kingpin Russian mobster, a believer in the tough-love school of parenting, shot his son Oleg, thus ending that particular subplot.
-- Highly qualified agent Dana Walsh met with her pondscum ex-boyfriend Kevin and gave him a keycard so he can go steal impounded drug money and then leave her alone forever, which of course will not happen, as Kevin is the persistent yeast infection of ex-boyfriends.
-- President Woman President and Generic Islamic Republic President Sham continue to blather ponderously about whatever in dramatically lit rooms.

Edgar is still dead.

Stay tuned in the comments after for the always helpful wrapup by the always Amazing Steve.

Meanwhile, here's a poll:

Do we think Renee will survive this season?
	Yes.
	No.
	I'm not sure she'll make it to the first commercial break.
	This is off-topic, but: I have never once heard the Geico gecko say anything remotely clever.
	Montpelier.
pollcode.com free polls

UPDATE:  Which is creepier: The Wolfman, or the E*Trade baby?

UPDATE: "Jack seems to be in control." Har.

UPDATE: The more psychotic Renee gets, the more men want her.

UPDATE: Somehow I think Kevin will find a way to screw this up.

UPDATE: 4660! That's MY code!

UPDATE: Section 3101! That's MY section!

UPDATE: Math is not Kevin's strong suit.

UPDATE: Jack so so going to kill this man.

UPDATE: Wait... he shot Oleg like 20 minutes ago, and already they're burying him?

UPDATE: The Semi of Doom.

UPDATE: Does Eric Clapton really need the money?

UPDATE: I mean, he's Eric Freaking Clapton.

UPDATE: Advertising a cellphone.

UPDATE: President Sham is a badass.

UPDATE: This is why you so rarely see Nobel Prize winners who live in trailers.

UPDATE: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

UPDATE: Where is Jack? Where is Chloe? Marwan?

UPDATE: Are these people not on U.S. soil? They can't detain anybody, right?

UPDATE: Renee IS Anthony Perkins.

UPDATE: Jack threw that knife BACKHANDED.

UPDATE: Just a stab wound to Jack's abdomen. The equivalent of a zit for a human.

UPDATE: I think Jack and Renee really could be a happy couple, except that he could never sleep safely when she was around.

UPDATE: The Rod People are coming!

UPDATE: That's a nasty fake shirt stain.

UPDATE: This show would not be able to exist without secret underground tunnels.

UPDATE: The thing about the Charles Barkley Taco Bell ad is, it raises the issue that if you eat at Taco Bell, you could look like Charles Barkley.

UPDATE: Next week: Jack gets jump-started. Take it, Amazing Steve.

Comments

[bmb]

Tarin....I just met a boy named Tarin.....

I smell a West Side story plotline.

[Siouxie]

Dave, I'd be happy to see Edgar at this point.

[Wes S.]

Oh hell, he was found alone with the President of Iranistan's daughter. He'll get the death penalty for sure.

And she probably will get stoned to death for good measure...

[Meanie the Blue]

*shakes Dave*

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Don't you see, my hands are tied by the dialog that I must speak without any emotion or nuance...

[Jeff Meyerson]

"You can't just barge in here."

(hollow laughter)

She First Daughter go to school in England.

"Don't you see my hands are tied?"

*wooden dialogue generator at work*

[ArcticAl]

My hands are tied. If i don't arrest him, my hands will really be tied up above my head as I'm suspended from a hook in the ceiling...

[Siouxie]

Call me!!

[Twoina]

blahblahblahblah AAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!

[Cheesewiz]

Didn't Jack Bauer used to be on this show?

[Loudmouth]

Burrhead wants the girl.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

You mean they don't serve complimentary coffee at this Jiffy Lube? Poor Jack...

[Diva]

*snork* @ Siouxie

[Cheesewiz]

What's money when you're in love?

[Wes S.]

Oh God, I'm starting to miss Kim and the cougar.

Compared to Vladimir - and Dana and the Rednecks - that plotline actually makes sense...

[ArcticAl]

Oh she's having a real bad day isn't she

[bmb]

phsycho rennee oh my god

[Gennita Low]

Oooh, Renee found a tool!

[kombatkoala]

Now that's what I call a "Jack attack"

[Siouxie]

There we go! FINALLY! a stabbing!!

[Wes S.]

YES!

The "Psycho" link was even more appropriate than Dave thought!

[Cheesewiz]

Paging Mrs. Bates

[Diva]

YAY!!!!! VIOLENCE!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

NOT JACK!!!!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

JACK! VLAD! RENEE! ROCKY!

[Tash]

OMG She KEEELED heem!!!

[Mitch]

I think someone is going to get a demerit.

[spazztic]

Whoa! Renee goes "Psycho" on Vlad!

ACTION!!!

[Gennita Low]

Oh yes! Jack's healing liver power! Drink, drink, drink!

[Loudmouth]

Jack just needs a hole in him to work.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Tell me, is Jack still in this show?

(That should be "Did" daughter go to college...)

Renee is pushing way too hard.

"It's over."

About time, Renee goes Bauer!!!

Rut roh, Renee stabbed Jack.

Shooting...stabbing...he's sorry? She stabbed him!

Time for Renee to move in with ex-First Lady Martha.

[Cassie]

Renee's gone hardcore. Damn.

Now that's badass... Jack pulling out the knife then getting the guy in the neck.

[Cheesewiz]

jack is an excellent knife thrower.

[Gennita Low]

Jackhole!

[Twoina]

Punching Freckles does not compare to a good thigh shot.

[padraig]

If Jack sprouts metal claws out of his hands, I'm going back to "Heroes."

[Diva]

*snicker* @ Andy.

[bmb]

Jack versus James Coburn, Magnificent Seven. I want it.

[JustBnatural]

Okay, you can beat him up and stab him, but Jack can still get a direct throat stab from 20 feet!! He is the man!

[Bassey]

YEAH! Drink, everyone, for god's sake, DRINK!!

That made up for the severe lack of thigh shooting thus far this season.

[ArcticAl]

So honey, how was your day at work with vladamir?

[K-Doc]

You can't kill Jack unless you stab him in the back of the neck with a stiletto. Just avoid the green blood.

[Mitch]

Is this a Hamlet rewrite? Oh wait, it can't be. Someone is still alive.

[Siouxie]

Jack and Freckles make a great team. Keel two terrorists with one knife.

[Diva]

Wes, Kim's grown up so much on this show she IS a cougar now.

[danceswithvowels]

Great time for a browser lockup! Did I miss anything?

[Jeff Meyerson]

So, Jack is going to be walking around with a stab wound for the next 17 hours, Renee is way way off the deep end (and where is Hastings?), Freddy is taking a break at St@rbucks, Kevin & Nick are running amok and Sham is torturing a bunch of innocent countrymen.

Does that about sum up where we are?

[danceswithvowels]

I mean besides all that action in the stabbin' cabin?

[Mitch]

DRINK!

[Diva]

that's all, dances.

[Siouxie]

heh...nukular.

ugly = psycho

[Jeff Meyerson]

Nu-cu-lar

*drinks*

She was defending herself?

[Bassey]

It's only a flesh wound!

Ugh. "Nucular." I need more wine.

[Diva]

That's a LOT of stab wounds for self-defense.

[Cassie]

"Pull it together."

I think that's for the writers.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Uh oh, she's talking in a little girl voice...

[Jeff Meyerson]

"Dana? Any news"

"Well, Kevin and Nick just hit a cop with a baseball bat after trashing a secure facility where I gave them the codes. You mean that kind of news?"

[Tash]

How can they go stab-stab-stab, it's okay honey, then RIGHT back to the snore machine?

[Siouxie]

"He ran into my knife...10 times"

[ArcticAl]

Renee comes clean...I'm sorry I could have killed you Jack

[danceswithvowels]

Dana's going to get a mediocre performance review this year.

[bmb]

Jack has recovered from the knifewound. He's immortal

[Gennita Low]

Jeff, wow you've actually been paying attention? You need some Woodka!

[Loudmouth]

Another CYA dork. Want to know what happened?

[Diva]

Aw, Dave. I miss Marwan. :(

[Wes S.]

Oh God, now Dark Renee is turning into Suicidal Renee.

[Jeff Meyerson]

*snork* again at Siouxie

[Cassie]

"You've got me." Time for wild monkey sex

[Chris]

You've got me, just don't stab me again. OK?

[Cheesewiz]

Whispers in the warehouse.

[Mitch]

Why do all failed plans go south? How about west or due north?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

I look at her almost like a female version of Jack.

So if she's a female version of Jack...does that make her a Jacket?

[danceswithvowels]

Let CTU do their job? Uh oh, Jack's getting delirious.

[ArcticAl]

Awww a tender love story between Jack and Renee. He's covering up for her now

[Jeff Meyerson]

Me too, Diva.

And where is Behrooz?

Uh oh, Jack is back in whisper mode.

[Twoina]

A kinder gentler Jack. ppohhhllliiiitttt!

[Siouxie]

Thanks, Jeff ;P

[Diva]

C'mon, Renee - stay dark. You didn't even flinch after sawing off a guy's arm. What's a few stab wounds after that?!

[Jeff Meyerson]

Get the glasses on, Ernst! The other Russians are coming.

[Wes S.]

I can just see that next phone conversation between Jack and his daughter:

"Kim, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're getting a new stepmommy. The bad news is that's she's even crazier than your real mom. Also, she stabbed me, but that's not important right now."

[Meanie the Blue]

Check her meds before you go any further, Jack.

[Jeff Meyerson]

I keel you long time.

[Diva]

*snork* @ Jeff

[ArcticAl]

And of course they're too dumb to search the place as they trust Jack when he says the place is empty...

[Jeff Meyerson]

Great search, boys, you're hired at CTU.

[Bassey]

Random, but Vlad's bathroom looks like the one from Mommie Dearest. I fully expect Faye Dunaway to show up now, and throw around a can of Bon Ami cleanser.

[Gennita Low]

Was Renee folded into the medicine cabinet? Isn't that an X-File episode?

[Cheesewiz]

Cue the nuclear marching band

[Diva]

Why is it that they always almost get to where someone/thing is hiding and then get called out?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

These guys are watching over the Ark of the Covenant...not any nuclear rods...

[Jeff Meyerson]

Rut roh again.

[Twoina]

Freddy!

[Jeff Meyerson]

"Cleanup on aisle seven."

[Diva]

Bassey, MY mommy only ever used Bon Ami, too. And yes, that was a VERY random factoid! LOL

[Tash]

Used car lot... you like you buy!

[danceswithvowels]

Another bang-up CTU tracking job!

[Siouxie]

THEY don't even recognize Jack with the glasses on!

[Cassie]

"Where is he?"

Jack Potter got the cloak of invisibility.

[Gennita Low]

Now you really have NOTHING, Renee! Go crazy again, please.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Those sneaky sewer rats...and they covered Jack's head so that he wouldn't see which manhole they came out of...

[Jeff Meyerson]

Underground tunnel in NYC?