24

Here is where we stand:

Last week Renee "went dark" (if you catch our meaning) (our meaning is "had sex") with the Russian mobster Vladimir in an effort to get him to arrange the sale of the Deadly Nuclear Rods of Death to Jack, who is posing as a non-credible German. Vladimir tried to have his henchpersons whack Jack, but of course that didn't work, so Vladimir has agreed to meet with Jack in what we are sure will be an amicable get-together.

Meanwhile in subplot action:

-- Bazhaev the kingpin Russian mobster, a believer in the tough-love school of parenting, shot his son Oleg, thus ending that particular subplot.
-- Highly qualified agent Dana Walsh met with her pondscum ex-boyfriend Kevin and gave him a keycard so he can go steal impounded drug money and then leave her alone forever, which of course will not happen, as Kevin is the persistent yeast infection of ex-boyfriends.
-- President Woman President and Generic Islamic Republic President Sham continue to blather ponderously about whatever in dramatically lit rooms.

Edgar is still dead.

Stay tuned in the comments after for the always helpful wrapup by the always Amazing Steve.

Meanwhile, here's a poll:

Do we think Renee will survive this season?
	Yes.
	No.
	I'm not sure she'll make it to the first commercial break.
	This is off-topic, but: I have never once heard the Geico gecko say anything remotely clever.
	Montpelier.
pollcode.com free polls

UPDATE:  Which is creepier: The Wolfman, or the E*Trade baby?

UPDATE: "Jack seems to be in control." Har.

UPDATE: The more psychotic Renee gets, the more men want her.

UPDATE: Somehow I think Kevin will find a way to screw this up.

UPDATE: 4660! That's MY code!

UPDATE: Section 3101! That's MY section!

UPDATE: Math is not Kevin's strong suit.

UPDATE: Jack so so going to kill this man.

UPDATE: Wait... he shot Oleg like 20 minutes ago, and already they're burying him?

UPDATE: The Semi of Doom.

UPDATE: Does Eric Clapton really need the money?

UPDATE: I mean, he's Eric Freaking Clapton.

UPDATE: Advertising a cellphone.

UPDATE: President Sham is a badass.

UPDATE: This is why you so rarely see Nobel Prize winners who live in trailers.

UPDATE: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

UPDATE: Where is Jack? Where is Chloe? Marwan?

UPDATE: Are these people not on U.S. soil? They can't detain anybody, right?

UPDATE: Renee IS Anthony Perkins.

UPDATE: Jack threw that knife BACKHANDED.

UPDATE: Just a stab wound to Jack's abdomen. The equivalent of a zit for a human.

UPDATE: I think Jack and Renee really could be a happy couple, except that he could never sleep safely when she was around.

UPDATE: The Rod People are coming!

UPDATE: That's a nasty fake shirt stain.

UPDATE: This show would not be able to exist without secret underground tunnels.

UPDATE: The thing about the Charles Barkley Taco Bell ad is, it raises the issue that if you eat at Taco Bell, you could look like Charles Barkley.

UPDATE: Next week: Jack gets jump-started. Take it, Amazing Steve.

Comments

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Jack's being made to sit and wait like we all are when we go to Jiffy Lube...

[Gennita Low]

Russian mafioso: Let's have a threesome, baby. It'd be like Spartacus, except no grapes.

//passes drink to Diva

[Mitch]

"He looks so peaceful after I popped a cap in him." Ahhh, fatherly love. Sweet.

[Cassie]

Farmer Hoggett could learn a thing or two from Russian Daddy.

[ArcticAl]

This boy is with the angels...I did help him to get there... but he is with the angels...

[Twoina]

Bury him in the backyard like a dead pet.

[Diva]

I'da SWORN I heard Pavel Chekhov there....

[tropichunt.com guy™]

His son is in the timeout corner.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Out back?

Serge, you're loony, dude.

This boy is vith the angels.

Are we sure it's not the Dodgers?

[danceswithvowels]

Zis boy is with ze angels. Ze nucular angels.

[Gennita Low]

All that Russian vodka gave everyone a green tinge. Bad batch.

[Siouxie]

ju keel my brother..prepare to die!

[Chris]

"Everything I've done, I've done for you" . . . Isn't that a Bryan Adams song?

[Twoina]

Really, really tough love.

[Cheesewiz]

Again with the "nuclear materials." Maybe they do say stuff like that.

[Diva]

Ah, merci, Gen! *slugs down sips daintily*

[danceswithvowels]

I want to leave you ... consequence. FTW.

[Gennita Low]

I love you so much I shot your brother. That's a good song lyric there.

[Wes S.]

"Bury him in back...like soldier on the battlefield."

OK, whatever....

I'm thinking that seeing a mound of dirt in the middle of the parking lot with an AK-47 sticking barrel down into it next to a pair of Bruno Magli loafers would draw comment even in New York.

[Jeff Meyerson]

"I'm doing this for our family."

WTFBBQ?!

"As your son grows older, you vill...".

Then you too will shoot him in the head.

Sure, bury him in the back yard with the hamster.

[Cassie]

Only son kill your father.

My name is Only Son, you killed my brother. Prepare to die.

[Siouxie]

My oldes...er..only son!

[ArcticAl]

I did it for the family, for you, for your son...Gee thanks Dad, does that mean I have to do in my son too?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

It's a battle of the bad Russian accents...

[Mitch]

Dave, the Russians don't believe in wakes.

[spazztic]

Russians say "Out of the blue".

[JustBnatural]

Why the Russians speaking English to each other??

[Jeff Meyerson]

"So, how's the family."

"My son is dead. What's your point?"

[Diva]

They're puttin' the потеха in dysпотехаctional.

[danceswithvowels]

Vlad, please. Call your doctor first.

[ArcticAl]

Vladamir isn't the smartest tool on the box is he?

[Wes S.]

Ah, finally we get to see the Rods of the Apocalypse?

[Jeff Meyerson]

Vlad's up for another go at Renee.

That horny rabbit.

More terrible Russian accents.

I need vodka.

[Cassie]

Stop going back and forth between speaking English and Russian with subtitles. This isn't Hunt For Red October.

[Mitch]

The interior of that truck trailer looks like my first off-campus apartment only more room.

[Siouxie]

wodka, Jeff. wodka.

[Gennita Low]

Wow! A smattering of Russian to fool us! (Rosetta Stone course does its job again)

[Diva]

Or in it, Al.

[Cassie]

New episode of Castle in 35 minutes.

[danceswithvowels]

Rod Octuber?

[Diva]

Yeah, but who's opening for them, Wes?

[Cheesewiz]

So isn't the guy in the back of the truck going to look like microwaved spam?

[Gennita Low]

You know? Vodka makes me carsick.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Good point, Siouxie.

Sorry, wodka.

The accents are so idiotic and keep hoping for Boris and Natasha to keep it real.

[K-Doc]

Nah, don't you see the protective WOOD case to block the radiation?

[Cassie]

So when are they going to luck for the nuclear wessels?

[danceswithvowels]

Minute Clinic at CVS -- Enabling your epidemics

[Twoina]

Castle--yum!

[Gennita Low]

Cheeze, with rainbow-colored pee! I learned that right here!

[Jeff Meyerson]

Programming note: Joe Torre as himself on Castle.

[Wes S.]

Yeah, but who's opening for them, Wes?

Posted by: Diva | February 08, 2010 at 09:26 PM

Why, the Annoying Subplotz, of course...

[danceswithvowels]

Did you say "ewents of this ewening?"

[Cassie]

Look not luck for the nuclear wessels... damn and I'm not even drinking.

[Jeff Meyerson]

President Sham!

If he's "our best hope for peace" we're in deep doo doo.

"Do I have your word on that? Is that your final lie?"

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Wait, they can tell he didn't sound right? How does one tell if someone's wooden dialog is oak or cherry?

[Gennita Low]

Where are the subtitles?

[Twoina]

He sounded like someone else? Who?

[Cassie]

Damn they gypped us out of an interrogation.

[Wes S.]

...And the warmup band for both Rods of the Apocalypse and the Annoying Subplotz is clearly the Bad Accents.

;)

[Jeff Meyerson]

Where is Farhad anyway?

"We have to force the issue. Waterboard his wife and children."

"I told you he's not guilty."

[K-Doc]

Use the split-screen from season 1 to look like you're offing the family.

[Diva]

*snicker* Wes.

Cassie - no worries. I just thought you were typing in a German accent. ;)

[danceswithvowels]

You have something to say?

No sir, I just had some chickens screaming in my earpiece.

[Jeff Meyerson]

"Now waterboard him."

President Sham's wig is slipping.

[Diva]

I thought our best hope for peace was Babylon 5.

[Siouxie]

Sneaky sneaky...

[Cheesewiz]

Hey if you apply the laws of spoonerology to Omar Hassam's name you get Homar O 'Assam.

[Cassie]

snork@Diva

[Mitch]

He got pranked!

[Diva]

No sir, I just had some chickens screaming in my earpiece.

Posted by: danceswithvowels | February 08, 2010 at 09:31 PM

Not in space, you don't!

[Gennita Low]

That watergun deserves a shot of Woodka. DRINK!

[Jeff Meyerson]

"Give me the money, dumb@ss!"

That was the most realistic dialogue so far.

[danceswithvowels]

That was the last, best hope, DD. We haven't gotten that far yet.

[Cheesewiz]

I think Dana is a tweaker.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Oh jeez, she's going to give him more numbers...and we know how good these Bert and Ernie types are...

[bmb]

I bet the pondscum boyfriend will end up with the 'RODS O DEATH'. Its making sense now.

[Siouxie]

Just use the water gun!

[Diva]

Why is that every. single. season. we've had CTU folks with pasts that have come back to extort them RIGHT at this crisis moment? That device is older than The Who, collectively.

[ArcticAl]

These hill billy boys sure are stupid aren't they...

[Gennita Low]

Our last best* hope is a watergun fight between Jack Bauer and Renee. Then they can fly the spaceship into the sun.

[Wes S.]

This guy looks like Patrolman Al Bundy.

Well...before he got his butt kicked, anyway...

[Jeff Meyerson]

"I told you to leave 15 minutes ago, moron."

Now kill the cop, right dipsh!t?

Let's face it, Kevin & his buddy Nick are way too stupid to live.

"He called it in, putz."

"Oops. My bad."

[Diva]

Tru dat, dances.

[Gennita Low]

Diva,
Apparently CTU is the Teenage Wasteland.

[Siouxie]

Good plot for "Dumber and Dumberer".

[Jeff Meyerson]

Be honest. Wouldn't you believe Toyota's self-serving commercials more if the President killed himself, preferably on camera?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

I don't know..it's going to take more than a commercial for me to get Toyota's respect back.

[Diva]

I don't know why, but I love that weird little Radio Shack commercial with all the funky cell phones.

[Cassie]

I think we need to steal a Klingon Bird of Prey and slingshot around the sun so we can go back to the beginning of the season and skip a few episodes. Oh and bring back humpback people.

[Wes S.]

What, they let Wesley Snipes out of jail to make a movie? I thought he was doing three years for felony tax evasion...

[spazztic]

Jeff! That's awful.
(so why am I laughing?)

[Jeff Meyerson]

Just use the water gun!

Posted by: Siouxie | February 08, 2010 at 09:34 PM

*snork*

[bmb]

The dunkin doughnuts lattes look good.

[Twoina]

That watergun may be the only action we get tonight.

[Diva]

Cassie, just get Superman to do that rotation thing a few times.

[Diva]

BACK FROM COMMERCIAL

[Loudmouth]

Richard Gere as a cop? Sure.

[Jeff Meyerson]

"Ellen has arrived."

Great, now I'm really suicidal.

"It's safe."

Honey, you've never watched 24 have you?

[spazztic]

Tony Robbin's long lost Indian bro in love with Sham's daughter.

[Gennita Low]

Your father just turned into Saddam Hussein.