« Previous | Main | Next »

October 26, 2009


Key observational question: How long would it take you to correct a problem involving sandpaper and your penis?

(Thanks to Chuck Cody)

UPDATE: Here's the original news item


Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

Key quote: "Wait, there's video?" *snork

Maybe the reason that he couldn't check out the damage wasn't because he was a "belly-man", but because his significant member was in permanent eclipse because of its small size. He should try answering some of those spam emails that will cure his lunar eclipse for only $39.99.

"She [the judge] said her jurisdiction didn't extend that far."

Evidently, neither did his.

Just a glans in a mirror would've solved the problem.

Cooler heads did not prevail in this case.


Hey Mr belly-man, tally me banana...

"Hey, babe, wanna check out my vertical tension?..."


Apparently, you can sue if something just rubs you the wrong way.

He wouldn't ask his wife to look at it beacuse he would "never do that," and it would "ruin her vacation?" If that's the situation you're vacation is pretty much shot already.

There's gotta be a Pinocchio joke in there somewhere. Meanie? bonmot? padraig?

Didn't we use up all our Pinocchio jokes on Bill Clinton?

Why didn't he sue his wife for buying them in the first place?

Anyway, that was one of the greatest concerts ever:

Defective Underwear and Pen!s Pain.

I find it significant that (up till now) all the commenters on this thread have been men.

And the significance is that the women are simply too grossed out to comment.

Just to clarify, Diva, I still am a man.

I have discovered sand in the briefs can be corrected by flying into the heart of the sun for about two minutes....

Understandbly, not everyone has this option.

A chubby guy claimed that his Hanes
Caused his winky to suffer great pains.
He filed a "brief"
In support of his beef.
I fear he's abraded his brains.

A clear case of genetalia ipsa loquitur. Case dismissed.

Maui Owwwie.

Well, if Mr. Lucky is not happy, nobody's happy. And if I have to fix a problem on Waikiki beach, so be it. This guy has some issues, I think.

Of course it could be the seed of the next Peter Pan adventure: "Peter and the Shorts of Chafing."

*SNORK* @ Ford!!

Meanie, dear, I never doubted it for a second. :) Btw - nice pictures of you and Daughter the Blue!!

*LITERAL snork and a WAVE @ Hammie!!!*


sorry guys


we're so sorry, Uncle Albert

Given the outcome, there was a vas deferens between pain and gain.

Sooo, this guy wuz wearing hiz undies, to the beach, presumably under some butt-ugly Bermuda shorts. This wuz not a bathing suit. Soooo, whut wuz he doing that introduced sand into hiz undies? Me suspects that the only thing that made contact with sand, and his junk, wuz hiz hand. Now, please allow yur minds to rome freely as to why hiz hand wuz inside hiz Bermuda shorts, and hiz undies, at the beach, that doesn't include hiz visiting the little boyz cabana.

Yur welcome.

Bleach, rinse, repeat.

*Waves @ Diva!!!*

*Waves @ Siouxie!!!*

Let this be a lesson to you, youngsters: Do not succumb to peer pressure.

*WAVES @ Hammie!!!*

This would have never happened with a thong.

*provides brain bleach for the visual*

Fat Albert, he claimed lack of room,
by Hanes spelled his vacation's doom.
But his girth was too stout;
now his lawsuit's poured out.
So next time buy Fruit of the Loom!

“plaintiff candidly admitted he was unaware his penis was protruding from his underwear until the final two days of his trip.”

I'm guessing he got charged with some exposure or perv charge before the final two days of his trip and he's trying to lay a clever trail of escaping penis for the first part of the trip. All the rest-the sand, the wife whose vacation he didn't want to ruin by the sight of his junk, etc is a clever foil. This is Homer Simpson worthy of after the fact excuses.

I wear Hanes because they were endorsed by that great American Al Bundy and they're pretty comfortable. There have been no sandpaper incidents since the last time I purchased Scott toilet paper.
We need to feel sorry for the poor guy. It was worn down to a nubbin, apparently.

Another case of somebody thinking with the little head instead of the big one.

If there's sand in your shorts for several days, you naturally sue the underwear company.
In case no one mentioned it, sandy weiner wbagnfarb, or a pinic tragedy.
Snork at our poets, Ford and bon.
And lastly, you guys have no idea of the uncomfortable intricacies we wimmin face with sand in our d'wear, so this guy should quit his whining.

NSherl...but we'd never be so dumb as to walk around with a sandy hooha. WE RINSE IT OFF!!

Please note that "Sandy Hooha" WBAGNFA Miami Beach stripper.

A) I did not know that Hawaii did not have anywhere to buy new underwear. The shame of it. Shoulda gone commando. AAAAKKKKUUUKKK.

2) Just another brickhead. With his head up his a** which should have allowed him to see what was going on.

No matter where I've been, or what time of day, all I've had to do is go OUTSIDE the hotel, turn right, and VOILA! There's a store selling enormous underpants. Problem solved for ya, sir.

Now, men, wouldn't you notice that your *ahem* penis was, er, protruding when you *ahem* went to the restroom? Wouldn't it become, ahh, apparent? And he didn't notice for several days? **faints**

The tension is rising beside you
This tighty white's our sandpaper chafe forever
Oh scuff me tonight and I promise a legal endeavor
Oh, make that sandy swirl
Ow ow ow ow ow, baby
The profit will unfurl
Bwa ha ha ha ha baby

The letters in 'Sand in my Hanes' can be rearranged to spell 'Damn hyena sins', while 'I'm a belly man' yields 'I balm meanly'.

None of this is coincidence, I assure you.

*snork* at the songs...

I'm ALWAYS telling him to clean up his junk.

He weighs 285 lbs and he won the trip for being a top salesman in diet products? And what man or woman puts their underwear in their pants and then puts both of them on at the same time? I've known men who have run screaming at the sight of a bee in the region of their fly. I'm sure if they felt like someone was sanding their penis they would check it right before they fainted.

So I guess he sufferd a grain/groin injury.

Did he plead nolo contesticle?

Or guilty with an ejaculation?

There was no verdict. It was a hung jury.

*snork* @ Siouxie.

Sounds like the undies were too small for this "belly man." Time to sue the wife. It's all her fault for buying them and for letting him get that big.

Can we solve the legal crisis right after we solve the healthcare crisis? Please?

The comments to this entry are closed.

Terms of Service | Privacy Policy | Copyright | About The Miami Herald | Advertise