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September 10, 2009


Here's a chance to share your memorable toilet moments.

Powerful Incentive: The company is giving away five Champion 4 toilets (and "slow close" seats) to the winners with the best stories from the bowl, with the top winner getting free installation as well.

(Thanks to Jonathan)


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Stories From the Bowl

is ABC's blockbuster fall miniseries.

I'm blogging from the toilet right now!

I could use a couple of new toilets too but can't think of a tale worth writing.

I'd be too embarassed. My face would be flushing.

The North Carolina State Fair is coming up. They could always use a few spare toilets.

Crappy story.

I hate to call Dave predictable, but I sent in at least 20 stories this week, and he posted the one with "toilet" in the subject line...

This story is a lot of crap.

Irony alert. The AJC is affectionately known to us locals as the Atlanta Urinal Constipation.

I bet some of those stories will bowl you over.

I have a great story about the stall in the Minneapolis airport.

Maybe they should give out Super "Bowl" tickets instead...

After several decades of marriage, this guy's wife was complaining that her breasts had shrunk and gotten saggy. She was contemplating surgery.

He said, "Go get piece of toilet paper and rub it daily between your breasts, and over time they'll get bigger."

She said, "You really think so?"

He said, "It worked for your ass, didn't it?"

The doctors are hopeful he may walk again one day.

For my story I would first have to select whether it was an occasion where I was standing in front of it or perhaps sitting on it or even kneeling in front of it (and then using it as a prop). There are so many unforgettable anecdotes that it is hard to choose.

Well, there was this " Big Whaler " sandwich I ate once while driving from Florida to South Dakota. Well, sir... about an hour after consuming this thing... though, I guess it didn't actually involve a toilet. Or perhaps you'd rather hear the one about the bran muffins...?

i was camping with my girlfriend back in like '81 and she had packed a "zuchinni loaf" which was zuchinni and oatmeal and cheese and stuff compressed into a dense wad and we ate a bunch of it and then the next day we were hiking in the woods and i had to go so i ducked behind a tree and deposited what looked just like a bowl of oatmeal on the ground (steaming and everything) and then had to use dried leaves (it was autumn) to wipe up which was uber disgusting but i guess there's really no toilet in that story (and no snake either) so never mind.

Somehow I know this is going to wind up being the redneck version of Letters to Penthouse.

"Me an' the ol' lady was frisky after splittin' a case of Milwaukee's Best, so when we both headed for the pisser at the same time I knew somethin' had to give..."

My best story was that time I robbed a Tampa pawn shop with a toilet bowl on my head.

When I dropped my bag and iPhone down the portaloo, I was like so, this is NOT happening, that I got both my arms stuck, and they had to have seven firemen pull me out, and it was like so on my Facebook page.

I would expect a few choice stories from this blog, for sure!

I might be able to spin a few from my Navy days...

One time I was vacuumed-sucked into an airline toilet and had to have emergency crews extract my tush from the offending device once the plane landed.

(My shrink says I should refuse any toilets I might win. To accept would cause me extreme trauma.)

We once hosted a Halloween Party where we put dry ice in the toilets to make that cool, spooky smoke.

After a couple of hours, my (then) husband went to alleviate himself of many beers, but what he didn't know was that the entire bowl was frozen solid, and when he let loose his piping hot stream, the bowl cracked and a lump of pee coated ice fell onto his feet.

*Snork* @ bm.

So many FSU fans would have great moments in praying to the porcelain this past Monday night.

I've been told that if you drop a digital camera in the toilet, you should remove the battery and SD card, dry it off as much as possible, and then air-dry it for several days before trying to turn it back on, so as not to short out the whole thing beyond repair.

Oh, and someone also told me that if you drop a cell phone in the toilet, you can put it in a container of dry rice for a couple of days to draw out the moisture and it might recover just fine.

If you accidentally flush a cleaning rag down the toilet, and you live in my house, you are basically SOL because in less than two days you will have an emergency call in to Roto-Rooter to unclog the pipes in your front lawn where the rag caught on the #$%^%$#^Y tree roots that keep growing in the pipes.

Just a few fun facts from the funny farm.

You should probably dispose of the rice afterwards.

And *snork!* at Punkin!

Something smells here.

I know it's wrong, but the comment that made me laugh the most here is the clean Colon spam.
Send that autobot a lo-flo terlet.


Received a frantic call from the ex one day while I was at work. (No, I'm not a sap, she wasn't my ex at the time). She screamed that there was a mouse in the basement and I had to come home RIGHT NOW!!!! Well, I went home, asked where it was and she shrieked, "It's in the basement powder room!!" I had to go through two doors to get to the basement (which she had closed and locked), and unlock the door to the basement powder room. I looked around and couldn't find it, which I told her. "It's in the toilet!!" I lifted the lid and there was a very dead mouse floating around. Looked like it had been there two days or so. FLUSH. Problem solved and back to work.

Humiliating the slave girls in bondage is very exciting and interesting. Don’t you have photos of your slave girls? If you have then please show them in the blog…

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