« July 2009 | Main | September 2009 »

August 26, 2009

LEGAL UPDATE

SNYDERSVILLE — A mighty rude wind flew in the face of corrections officer Mathew Knowles on May 13. Knowles was three days on the job when inmate Kareem Haskins, 21, farted in his face at the Monroe County Correctional.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Eco-thinkers have come up with an amazing new way to create drinking water - by putting plants in the bottom of a shower.


(Thanks to Jonathan)

If you're wondering what an "Eco-thinker" is, here's an actual unretouched photograph of one in action:

1251213488830193295142595

BERLIN GAMES UPDATE

Image001

(Thanks to Robert Adams)

WHY WE LOVE THE INTERNET

Awkward Family Photos

(Thanks to The Amazing Steve, who thought judi would especially enjoy this one)

HEALTH CARE

Let's put this guy in charge!

(Thanks to Bruce Webster)

LIZARD SEX UPDATE

Orange means no.

0,,6869341,00

(Thanks to Layzeeboy)

SOON WE WILL HAVE NO RIGHTS AT ALL

(Thanks to Rich Klinzman and Jonathan)

WE CALL THIS 'DEVELOPING A SOURCE'

Cop Investigated for Feeding Gorillas Pop-Tarts?

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

BECAUSE, AS A PLANET, WE DON'T ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS

Canadian scientist says he can create dinosaurs from chickens.

(Thanks to Ralph and James)

August 25, 2009

JUST THIS ONCE

Ted mullet squirrel

THIS CAN'T BE GOOD

Squirrels have developed the ability to talk out of their butts.

(Via the chat of Mr. Gene Weingarten)

CSI: LONGMONT

A cow tongue, stuffed with a photo and notes and found buried near Longmont is only one of many cow tongues in recent weeks which stirred up curiosity across the country.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

WE CAN QUIT ANY TIME WE WANT

1251214526080394309188665

PROTECT ALL YOUR ODOR ZONES!

You NEED this product.

Key Quote: "I got odors in special places."

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

(Update from the person heading out to get in the unemployment line: Thanks also to about a thousand people who sent this in last month.)

THE COMING VIOLENT UPRISING OF THE DOGS

Any day now.

Poodle-groomed-as-a-Fairy-003

(Thanks to Anil Haji)

UPDATE

1251206607770970645814937

WHICH ALSO EXPLAINS THE 27 PAIRS OF VIRTUALLY IDENTICAL SHOES

A father developed a cleaning obsession following a cornea transplant that he says "must have come from a woman."

(Thanks to Laura)

SPORTSPERSON OF THE WEEK SO FAR

A man who says he was using his rifle to shoot at dragonflies accidently shot his friend in the head.

He was using his rifle to shoot dragonflies?

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Horace LaBadie)

IS OUR SCHOOL DISTRICTS LEARNING?

(Thanks to nursecindy)

THEY WERE HELD FOR QUESTIONING, FOLLOWED BY DINNER

Peru Police Seize Cocaine Sewn Inside Live Turkeys

(Thanks to Horace LaBadie)

August 24, 2009

ADVISORY TO MOTORISTS

Stay off the roads.

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

OOPS

(Thanks to John Regan)

THIS JUST IN FROM TOP-LEVEL DOWN-UNDER BOFFINS

Aussie birds 'desperate to copulate with brainy males'

Key Subhead That Many Human Women Would Probably Agree With: Bit of a desert out there, Sheila

(Thanks to Ron)

CORRECTION (thanks to wiredog): The boffins were actually meddlesome American boffins.

INCREDIBLY, ALCOHOL MAY HAVE BEEN INVOLVED

Man pulls knife on friends, runs away, hits head, injures self

(Thanks to jdbo)

WHY DOGS GO OUTSIDE

Also why they sound so hoarse when they bark.

(Thanks to nursecindy)

FLORIDA WOMEN

Don't mess with them.

(Thanks to Jonathan)

YOU DON'T SEE THIS OFTEN

Hedgehog humor.

(For the record, this blog likes the fifth-place finisher the best.)

THIS IS NOT GOOD

Cell phones have started talking to major appliances.

(Thanks to Barbara)

HE WOULD SURVIVE APPROXIMATELY TWO SECONDS IN MIAMI

An old man in a northwestern Chinese city has won wide support online for throwing bricks at cars that run red lights through pedestrian crossings.

124745294567041_1

(Thanks to Ralph)

WORLD ECONOMIC UPDATE

Italian banks may take ham and wine as collateral

(Thanks to Chuck Cody, who says "I'm gonna use my loan to buy more ham.")

THIS JUST IN FROM DOWN UNDER

(Thanks to Horace LaBadie)

YOU MAY NOW PET THE BRIDE

(Thanks to CJrun)

OH YEAH?

You know what you can do with your study.

(Thanks to Malcolm)

August 23, 2009

UPDATE ON 'WINKERS,' THE JEANS THAT WINK AT YOU

You asked for video. You will be sorry.

(Thanks to John Gregg)

THE INTERNATIONAL ECONOMIC SITUATION

It's getting worse.

(Thanks to Ralph)

TODAY'S SPORTS UPDATE

Unfortunately, because of our strict policy against making fun of names, we are unable to bring you Today's Sports Update.

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

WHEN WOMEN ASK, 'WHAT DO GUYS WANT?'

We answer: They want this.

(Thanks to Bruce)

NO JURY IN THE LAND WILL CONVICT HIM

Barber tries to rob store over bad beef jerky

(Thanks to Cynthia)

ATTENTION HOLIDAY SHOPPERS

It's time.

(Thanks to Laura)

August 22, 2009

UPDATE: THE WORLD'S SADDEST DOG

12509646454400226086306124

AND THE SO-CALLED 'UNITED NATIONS' DOES NOTHING

(Thanks to RussellMc)

IN FLORIDA, WE CALL THIS A ROUTINE THEFT

Chihuahua With Earrings Stolen At Gay Bar
Police Seek Man With Britney Spears Tattoo

(Thanks to nursecindy, Angel and RussellMc)

WE HAVE A BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS

Winkers: the jeans that wink at you

WinkyJeans2108_450x393

(Thanks to Matt Filar and Wizzy)

SAVVY MARKETING PITCH OF THE MORNING SO FAR

Dear Herald

I stumbled upon herald.com  while looking for other cell phone resources. I can see you linked to other websites similar to mine so I thought you may be interested in my website...

EBAY ITEM OF THE WEEK SO FAR, NURSE-EDUCATION DIVISION

NOTE: Male parts not included.

294681930_tp

(Thanks to Mahatma Kane Jeeves)

YEEPERS

MRI porn.

Warning: Do not click on the link unless you are prepared to view explicit images in which you can't really tell what the hell is going on.

(Thanks to Lord G)

August 21, 2009

IS THERE ANYTHING IT CAN'T DO?

(Thanks to nursecindy)

THEY HAVE THIS BLOG'S FULL SUPPORT

(Thanks to James)

YOU ARE NOW FREE TO FREAK OUT AND AND GET NAKED

(Thanks to Siouxie)

PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER...

...for Trouser Thief and the Violent Garment Swap.

(Thanks to Larry Carnahan)

 
Terms of Service | Privacy Policy | Copyright | About The Miami Herald | Advertise