Dave Barry's Blog

AND NOW SHE POINTS NORTH

Polly the dog swallows 1,000 magnets

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

FINANCE UPDATE

(Thanks to Baron vonKlyff)

SADLY, OUR STRICT POLICIES PREVENT US FROM BLOGGING ABOUT THIS BEAUTY CONTEST

(Thanks - though we are shocked he was browsing this site - to CJrun)

WHEN EGG-THROWING IS OUTLAWED

Huh. Apparently it was, but nobody told the police.

(Thanks to nursecindy) 

ON THE OTHER HAND, AUTO ACCIDENTS ARE UP 4,500 PERCENT

Bridge smeared with butter to stop suicides

(Thanks to DavCat and nursecindy)

IT'S A LOT OF FUN, UNTIL IT BRINGS DOWN A 747

An 'artist' uses a machine to send up foam smiley faces.

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

WE'LL JUST CALL IT 'BUILDING D'

The 75,000-square-foot building is called dXdiGidteGelalftX, a Lushootseed word that refers to a place where people are trained in both spiritual and practical matters, tribal spokeswoman Mytyl Hernandez said.

(Thanks to B'game)

THIS JUST IN FROM DOWN UNDER

"Reg grundies" beats "budgie smugglers."

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

OK, BUT MAYBE IT'S PETRIFIED WOOD FROM THE MOON

'Moon rock' in Dutch museum is just petrified wood

(Thanks to insomniac)

THERE THEY ARE SHE IS

Miss Plastic Surgery

(Thanks to catmanmax)

SOUNDS GOOD TO US

IT CAN'T BE FAKE, BECAUSE IT'S... ON THE INTERNET!

YOU HARDLY EVEN NOTICE THE VERMIN!

Beds made of hay are the latest hotel craze

(Thanks to Bill Hudgins)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR PEARL JAM

Suicidal Cows

(Thanks to DavCat and israel)

ALCOHOL MAY HAVE BEEN INVOLVED

It was alleged before he lost his driving licence, he walked his horse through a pub in the Outback town.

(Thanks to Ralph)

BECAUSE OF OUR STRICT POLICY AGAINST MAKING FUN OF NAMES

...we totally cannot link to this.

(Thanks to Trent Whitney)

WE SAW IT OPEN FOR THE CARS

Give it up for the percussion tractor.

(Thanks to bamadano)

MAYBE SO, BUT WE'RE NOT GOING TO KISS ONE

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

AS IF THERE WEREN'T ALREADY ENOUGH REASONS TO DISLIKE THEM, AS A SPECIES

Cats That Look Like Hitler

(Thanks to Dan)

WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY WE NEED MANDATORY FEDERAL CONTROLS

Police arrest 2 after spatula fight in state park

(Thanks to DavCat)

AND LADIES: HE'S SINGLE!

(Thanks to akubbs)

FLORIDA WILDLIFE UPDATE

Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody...

CREEPING FASCISM UPDATE

Now they want to take away our right to get naked in museums.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

ANOTHER REASON TO STAY OUT OF BARS

Raccoon attacks.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

WHY WE LOVE THE INTERNET

Reason 2,038,000: An anagram map of the London Underground.

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)

UPDATE

AMAZING TV NEWS VIDEO

A live bear! Almost! Watch for it at 0:22.

Key Journalistic Observation: "This is what the bear probably looked like. Except real."

(Thanks to Cheryl Howard)

Vaguely Related: Bear climbs ladder.

(Thanks to forlorn frog and Claire Martin)

IN FLORIDA, THIS AUTOMATICALLY QUALIFIES YOU TO BE A DRIVING INSTRUCTOR

(Thanks to Mike Ester)

YOU TELL IT TO GO ON A DIET

The World's Heaviest Insect

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

APIA, Samoa -- Sometime in the early morning hours of Sept. 7, residents of this small Pacific island nation will stop their cars, take a deep breath, and do something most people would think is suicidal: Start driving on the other side of the road.

(Thanks to CJrun)

In Miami, they added two toll-only express lanes on I-95 a while back. You didn't have to change directions or anything; you just had to grasp the concept that the two left lanes were express toll lanes. They announced this months ahead of time. There were signs everywhere.

There was carnage. 

IF THIS DOG HAD A PHASER

.....whoever did this would be dead.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

EVER WONDER WHERE BABY FRUITS COME FROM?

(Thanks to John Grant, DavCat, Matt Filar and fast eddie)

CSI: ATASCOSA COUNTY

Whew.

OH, HE MADE AN IMPRESSION, ALL RIGHT

According a Lake County Sheriff's Office report, Bart Sutherin flew his 14-year-old son, Joseph, to his first day of classes at East Ridge High School in a blue-and-white helicopter this week....

According to the Orlando Sentinel, Sutherin told officials that he wanted to "make a positive impression on the other students" on his son's first day of ninth grade.

(Thanks to nursecindy and Dorakay)

SOUNDS TO US, READING BETWEEN THE LINES, AS THOUGH ALCOHOL MAY HAVE BEEN INVOLVED

Drunk man found at grocery store eating avocados

(Thanks to Dogg Fish)

PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER

...for Death Rays From Space.

(Thanks to RussellMc, who saw them open for the Ramones)

FROM IN HERE, YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN LOOKS DIRTY

We can fix that.

(Thanks to Petra)

TERRORISM UPDATE

Alpine farmers furious over marmot plague

(Thanks to DavCat)
.

AW

This li'l guy is going extinct.

(Thanks to Dr. Doug)

MEDICAL UPDATE

We have good news and bad news.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

CANCEL THOSE WEEKEND PLANS

PEOPLE OF SUNBURY:

Stay indoors.

(Thanks to Horace LaBadie)

CULTURE UPDATE

Austrian town to hold Mozart urination festival

(Thanks to catmanmax and Ralph)

WHICH IS WHY THEY CALL IT 'NICEVILLE'

NICEVILLE — An officer responded to Kelly Road in Niceville on Aug. 21 at an apartment complex where a woman was spraying a 9 ounce can of “Glade Potpourri Air Freshener” around another woman’s head, according to the Niceville Police Department report.

(Thanks to Ralph)

THAT'S ONE WAY OUT

Man shoots himself during standoff with opossum

Another Opossum-Related Story here.

Key Quote Indicating Alcohol May Have Been Involved: Temple was observed by police walking on the sidewalk holding a live opossum by the tail.

(Thanks to DavCat)

WHEN HE DRIES OUT HE'S GOING TO GET AN EARFUL

Man leaps into river to escape wife's nagging

(Thanks to many people)

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS

Police arrest monkey

(Thanks to catmanmax and Jeff Meyerson)

SEND HIM TO WASHINGTON

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

DO-DAH, DO-DAH

Kung fu nun pulls cars with hair

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

PACKERS VIKINGS FAN OF THE WEEK SO FAR

While he was doing paperwork, she said she had a goat in her trunk. "A what?" he asked.

(Thanks to nursecindy)