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June 17, 2009

THAT'S THE WORST KIND, BECAUSE OF THE STICKINESS

Idaho Man Survives Viscous Bear Attack

Fortunately, "he managed to stay clam."

(Thanks to Annie Where-but-here)

Comments

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I'm so tired this morning I read that as "vicious" and "calm" and though, what kind of sick people are Dave and Annie that they find that funny?! Oh! My bad.

YAY! Annie got posted!!!

I also read "though" as "thought" too. I need some more beer to wake me up.

Sellers had bear repellent, but was unable to use it during the attack.

Of course, he found out too late that the best bear repellent is a guy slower than you.

"what kind of sick people are Dave and Annie"
Anyone who reads this blog knows the answer to that question.

I get a cheap thrill outta picking on the spelling skills of NRA members.

Stay, clam, stay. Good clam.

See Annie, this is why every man needs a riffle and shogun.

And, pray tell, where is the state of Idaho was brutally attacked by a grizzly bear during a hike through Gallatin National Forest outside of West Yellowstone located?

(or did they forget the comma?)

surprised the grizzly bear mother and her cubs

As a Public Service Announcement, I'd like to say that this is a REALLY bad idea.

"he lay there for a few moments (and) found his arm behind his head..."

Kinda like that guy in Deliverance? Ouch!

Viscous Clams would be a good name...

From what I've seen on Nat Geo and Animal Planet, wild animals generally do not like surprises. What they need to understand is that humans generally don't mean to surprise them.

Bet the Bear wasn't the only one sh!tting in the woods that day.

Viscous Clams would be a good name...

Posted by: Otis | June 17, 2009 at 11:31 AM


------------

eww

I should point out that according to the article the attack was by a viscous bear, not a vicious bear. I take that to mean that he was attacked by a gummy bear. No wonder he was able to stay clam.

"After the bear left, he lay there for a few moments (and) found his arm behind his head—he thought it had been ripped off," said his wife, Miriam, to the Idaho Statesman.

I suppose all of YOU can type PERFECTLY well with one hand. Sheesh. Buncha school marms.

Viscous Clams usually require Monostat™

I second Siouxies' eeeeeww.

I think this is the only bear story in history without the tacky pun "un-BEAR-able" in it. Although I'm willing to bet a perky local news team used it...

I think this is the only bear story in history without the tacky pun "un-BEAR-able" in it.

I'm glad they didn't use it, because that would bruin the whole story.

* imagines Mr. Sellers jumping out from behind a tree yelling "SURPRISE!!" at the unappreciative Mother bear & cubs *

In Hilton Head, SC there is among the smal;l patches of land available for non-country clubbers to look at something advertised as a "nature preserve." It's really a walk through a swamp, sometimes with boardwalk, sometimes not. But--and by Dave, I swear I am not making this up--there was a sign that looked like it had been hand-painted by Jethro Bodine of the Beverly Hillbillies, black paint with dripping letters, that said "BEWARE! VISCOUS ALLIGATORS"

Coulda been a Gummi bear...

"So, Mr. Sellers, why did you approach the bear?"

"I thought zee bear had a beaumb."

"A what?"

"A beaumb! A beaumb! Mon Dieu! Cato, get my bags! I am leaving!"

"After the bear left....?"
"Right frog!"

*snork* to Annie, Siouxie and really just all of you crack me up, gummy bear, *snork*

Viscous Clams usually require Monostat™

I second Siouxies' eeeeeww.

Posted by: Punkin | June 17, 2009 at 11:59 AM

*hemorrhagic snorkage*

I bet good money that the story will be retold differently when it reaches felt up and screamed.

Lots of bear grease was involved. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

That would 'splain the viscous clam too, Horace (iykwim)

*hands Diva two (relatively) clean tampons to stuff up her nose to stop the bleeding*

Hey, Morgana.
Stay clam.

LMAOEWWWWWWWWW @ BFF!

The Spell-check outrages continue

OMG, Punkin...*Snork!*

clams have arms?

queensbee - NRA clams do.

I thought bears had the right to have arms ....

. . . or halve arms, Meanie.

i thought beers have the right to bare arms

Hippies have the right to bear feet...

Sure bears have the right to arms. It's in the Consolation.

bare beer bear arms are not pretty

I'd give my right arm for a beer about now.

20W-50 bear for warm-weather attacks.


For Meanie

So Mr. Sellers did NOT have a dyne second in the square centimeter hundred acre wood?

*Tries to remain column*

That was a vacuous thing to do, Siouxie.

No bear-ded clam jokes yet. You guys are slippery. I mean, slipping.

Viscous Clams would be a great name in the Mollusk Tribe.

Have you checked your bears' viscosity lately?


*tries to imagine Jeff, a bear and a dipstick (and no, I am not talking about Meanie)*

It turns out that staying clam around dripping bears isn't always a good thing.

*clams up*

Apparently, the editor of the article reads Dave Barry's blog, because the typos have been corrected. (If there really WERE any typos... Coming in late to this post, I'm rather wondering if maybe everyone was just hung-over and read it wrong. And by everyone, I mean Annie and Dave...)

*stairs vicariously at Puncan*

They're thanking fark.com for their support. It was posted there by "some guy", who I've seen on this blog.

*Stairs vigorously @ 'some guy'*

Wudn't me...

Vacuous?? moi??

*flips hare*

Big butt? Moi?

*hips flare*

How do you identify grizzly scat?
.
.
.
It smells like pepper spray and has little bells in it.

heh! I assemble that remark!

um...Annie's remark, that is.

and I re-ass-embled that remark.

In Hilton Head, SC there is among the smal;l patches of land available for non-country clubbers to look at something advertised as a "nature preserve." It's really a walk through a swamp, sometimes with boardwalk, sometimes not. But--and by Dave, I swear I am not making this up--there was a sign that looked like it had been hand-painted by Jethro Bodine of the Beverly Hillbillies, black paint with dripping letters, that said "BEWARE! VISCOUS ALLIGATORS"

Posted by: Allen at Division | June 17, 2009 at 12:18 PM

There is also a sign warning against "high density deer" on a regular highway sign. I don't know if that means the deer failed their SATs or if they are just really buff.

~Earwig Alert: Yogi Bear Theme~

Annie Where is smarter
Than the average bear.
Discuss adhesive grizzlies,
You will find here there.
Making even worse puns
Than I care to share.

She will write to Dave
But before she starts
She'll whip up a batch of cookies
Then she'll go break your heart.

Annie Where is smarter than a millionaire,
Because she works in legal,
And they sue thin air.....


ddd... maybe the deer are made of a denser material in that particular area.

*toddles off to calibrate deer densiometer, which of course WBAGNFARB*

*snorks* and *ewwwws* @ all of the above posters.

Erm Annie, I have my sources that it wasn't the same "some guy".

Wow, thanks, PirateBoy. My own theme song. Go-o-lly! That's clam-smackin' festive, it is.

Buff and bare dears sound interesting.

Well done, PirateBoy.

*Places giraffe of coffee and platter of sordid treats on Blog table*

*Stairs voraciously*

#69!!


*Waifs @ Meanie*

*grabs sordid threats*

*Crabily sorts threads*
*stays clam waiting four a gnu one*

Aaaaaaaaaw calm up!

Gotta run, can't flounder....must catch a crab at the crustation.

Sloshes in...grabs coffee...sloshes out.

Where did I leave that ark?

*stairs voluptuously*

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