CSI: BROOKSVILLE
Woman arrested with unusual object in pants
Key Product Name: Big Mama's pickled sausage
(Thanks to Danny)
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Woman arrested with unusual object in pants
Key Product Name: Big Mama's pickled sausage
(Thanks to Danny)
Blagojevich's wife considers reality TV spot
Speaking of morons reality TV, we have this bulletin:
Kim Kardashian: Sweating Makes Me Feel Sexy
No word on how it makes her smell.
(Thanks to catmanmax)
(Thanks to Cynthia)
Which is all well and good, except he did this in a police station.
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Siouxie, who both note that alcohol may have been involved)
(Thanks to Horace LaBadie)
Here is where we stand:
Jack is still dying, as he has been since approximately 1986. Last week he caught Tony, but two members of the evil cabal found Kim at the airport when her flight was delayed; they told Jack they will kill her if he doesn't let Tony go. Olivia -- played by actress Sprague Grayden, whose name can be rearranged to spell "Gay Dung Reapers" -- might get in trouble for hiring an assassin to kill Jon Voight, but frankly nobody cares about that subplot.
What we want to know is how the season will end. Will Jack die? Probably not, unless they intend to base the entire next season around his funeral. Will Tony die? Possibly, but he has died before, and he made a complete recovery. Will Kim die, either from getting whacked by the cabal or from starving to death waiting for a flight-status announcement? Will there be a mole in President Woman President's administration? Will Chloe exhibit a new facial expression?
All we can say with any certainty at this point is that Edgar will remain dead.
Be sure to stick around in the comments afterward for the wrapup by The Amazing Steve, who has been especially amazing this season. Meantime, here is your final scientific poll:
UPDATE: Check out the summary of the season in haiku in the comments by Ford 79, an alumnus of this blog's college, Haverford (Motto: "Real World? WHAT Real World?").
UPDATE: So Hodges died, what, less than two hours ago, and they already, at this hour, have a full legal investigation under way? With lawyers? OK! Sure!
UPDATE: Why does the president always speak as if she is addressing Labador retrievers?
UPDATE: Yeah, a door would definitely scratch your neck like that.
UPDATE: YES!!! It has been SO long since Jack shot anybody in the leg.
UPDATE: So Jack actually COULD die, and next season could consist of the evil cabal releasing his pathogen-ridden organs into major cities, possibly disguised as, I don't know, McNuggets.
UPDATE: Pepsi Throwback? PEPSI THROWBACK??
UPDATE: I'm sorry, but I don't care about the Olivia subplot.
UPDATE: So the entire legal investigation took, what, 16 minutes?
UPDATE: Right, don't send the police to the airport or anything.
UPDATE: Seriously: Pepsi Throwback?
UPDATE: The other passengers are like, "Great, now we'll REALLY be delayed."
UPDATE: For the first time EVER, a cell-phone battery dies on 24!
UPDATE: I, for one, do not want to see Ethan strip-searched.
UPDATE: If they try to check his prostate, they are DEAD.
UPDATE: If you want my opinion -- and I know you do -- Jack has spent WAY too much time this season incapacitated.
UPDATE: So all of this is just so Tony can get to the top guy? Tony's actually GOOD??
UPDATE: "It was chaos!" Yep. That is exactly what shooting victims say.
UPDATE: "Hang on! Help is on the way!" Seriously.
UPDATE: Kim! Slinging the lingo!
UPDATE: "His field experience fills a knowledge gap in regards to our logistics and planning." How did she say that without losing some teeth?
UPDATE: YESSSSSSSSSSS
UPDATE: Even if they had removed all of Jack's vital organs, he would have kicked their asses.
UPDATE: I believe this is the second forklift to be used for violent purposes this season. The prop department must have gotten a deal.
UPDATE: I just want to fast-forward through the Olivia subplot.
UPDATE: Alan Wilson! I KNEW it! Or Allen Wilson.
UPDATE: They have not made the duct tape that can hold Jack Bauer.
UPDATE: Let's see: Jack, who is dying, has to get out of handcuffs, get rid of the bomb and overpower like 15 thugs. OK!
UPDATE: Renee knows the trigger mechanism and can disarm it! You don't let go of a gal like that.
UPDATE: I get the feeling Tony does not care for Alan. Or Allen.
UPDATE: So they got Allen or Alan, and Tony is in custody... So what happens in the final half-hour? It has to be a Big Surprise, yes? They certainly can't be putting all their chips on resolving the Olivia subplot, right? RIGHT??
UPDATE: "Do you regret anything that you did today?" "Some of the dialog, yes."
UPDATE: Oh, no. Not Henry. Please.
UPDATE: We are WASTING TIME ON THIS SUBPLOT, writers.
UPDATE: This would be much more powerful if we didn't know that Kiefer has signed for another season.
UPDATE: OK, this has turned into a soap opera.
UPDATE: Renee is now... Jack!
UPDATE: I guess we're all pretty shocked that Kim wants to do the stem-cell procedure.
UPDATE: OK, that started off in a promising manner, but it totally deflated after they caught Allen, or Alan, and we didn't even get to see Renee beat him up. I don't know about you, but I do NOT feel satisfied. This season -- in many ways, my LIFE -- peaked with the frogpersons in the White House. Since then it has been, meh. I leave you now with The Amazing Steve.
(Thanks to Allen at Division and Jeff Meyerson)
We really mean it this time.
("Thanks" to catmanmax)
(Thanks to Collins69s and Jonathan Carl)
It's a two-hour show tonight, starting at 8 p.m. Eastern Season Finale Time. Be at this url, or be a person who is just about to hurl.
Key Scenes: Shark attacks on the Golden Gate Bridge and a commercial jet.
(Thanks to Linda Pocatelli, who says this apparently is a real movie)
Tourist stung 500 times as bees invade French art gallery
(Thanks to Bethany Hamblen)
A London couple traveled nearly 4,000 miles to the US state of Michigan adopt a cat.
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
(Thanks to Andrew Hoenig)
(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)
It went pretty well, in the sense that somebody won and nobody perished, as far as we know. There will be lots of coverage here. Thanks to all who came out and tried to figure out what the hell was going on.
(Thanks to Dave Rogers, Horace LaBadie and DavCat)
The winker has apologised for being a snatcher after being branded a plonker
We assume this is good.
(Thanks to DavCat)
There is no Hunt Update at this time. But during the day I will attempt to post updates from my phone. Or, depending on how things go, from jail.
I have arrived in Washington. I would describe the mood of the city, on the eve of The Washington Post Hunt, as tense, but calm, with a chance of rain. We're putting the last-minute touches on the Hunt puzzles, which will be interesting this year, especially the waterboarding one. NO! WAIT! I NEVER SAID THAT!
Journalist on trial for killing fish with shampoo
(Thanks to Ralph)
The Washington Post Hunt is Sunday, starting at noon in downtown D.C. I'll be there, along with my co-planners, Tom "Tom" Shroder and Gene "Small Oosik" Weingarten. We think it's going to be a great Hunt. Of course, we always think it's going to be a great Hunt, right up until the National Guard arrives.
Man in Snuggie attempted burglary
(Thanks to Allen at Division)
Ice cream maker flies in Italian tenor to sing to cows
(Thanks to Danny)
Maybe they should fly in this guy:
Now they're forcing us to cover up our barbecue mannequins.
Background story here, including this Key Quote: "She's my own stimulus package."
(Thanks to Siouxie)
Blago Volumizing Shampoo and Conditioner
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Baron vonKlyff)
Wanna go fishing?
(Thanks to Siouxie and Jeff Meyerson)
(Thanks to Ralph)
(Thanks to catmanmax)
(Thanks to Danny)
Guys are big fans of nature.
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
(Thanks to Baron vonKlyff)
Discussion Question: Why do older guys do that to their hair?
Or Jake Barry. Or somebody.
At about the one-minute mark.
(Thanks to Josh Kelly, drummer of the world-famous Rock Bottom Remainders)
Key Excerpt from Police Report:
(Thanks to Allen at Division)