24

Here is where we stand:

Jack is still dying, as he has been since approximately 1986. Last week he caught Tony, but two members of the evil cabal found Kim at the airport when her flight was delayed; they told Jack they will kill her if he doesn't let Tony go. Olivia -- played by actress Sprague Grayden, whose name can be rearranged to spell "Gay Dung Reapers" -- might get in trouble for hiring an assassin to kill Jon Voight, but frankly nobody cares about that subplot.

What we want to know is how the season will end. Will Jack die? Probably not, unless they intend to base the entire next season around his funeral. Will Tony die? Possibly, but he has died before, and he made a complete recovery. Will Kim die, either from getting whacked by the cabal or from starving to death waiting for a flight-status announcement? Will there be a mole in President Woman President's administration? Will Chloe exhibit a new facial expression?

All we can say with any certainty at this point is that Edgar will remain dead.

Be sure to stick around in the comments afterward for the wrapup by The Amazing Steve, who has been especially amazing this season. Meantime, here is your final scientific poll:

Kiefer Sutherland recently stated that the next season of "24" will be more realistic. What do you think he meant?
	The writers will smoke less crack.
	Jack will go to the bathroom.
	Jack's cell phone will lack supercomputer capabilities, and the battery will run low.
	The White House will have interior lighting.
	People traveling from Point A to Point B will obey the laws of physics.
	Nobody will come back from the dead.
	Sometimes an actor will read a line, then burst out laughing.
	When the bad guys shoot 37,000 bullets, one of them will hit something.
	Chloe will spend an entire episode waiting impatiently while Vista installs important updates.
	Montpelier.
pollcode.com free polls

UPDATE: Check out the summary of the season in haiku in the comments by Ford 79, an alumnus of this blog's college, Haverford (Motto: "Real World? WHAT Real World?").

UPDATE: So Hodges died, what, less than two hours ago, and they already, at this hour, have a full legal investigation under way? With lawyers? OK! Sure!

UPDATE: Why does the president always speak as if she is addressing Labador retrievers?

UPDATE: Yeah, a door would definitely scratch your neck like that.

UPDATE: YES!!! It has been SO long since Jack shot anybody in the leg.

UPDATE: So Jack actually COULD die, and next season could consist of the evil cabal releasing his pathogen-ridden organs into major cities, possibly disguised as, I don't know, McNuggets.

UPDATE: Pepsi Throwback? PEPSI THROWBACK??

UPDATE: I'm sorry, but I don't care about the Olivia subplot.

UPDATE: So the entire legal investigation took, what, 16 minutes?

UPDATE: Right, don't send the police to the airport or anything.

UPDATE: Seriously: Pepsi Throwback?

UPDATE: The other passengers are like, "Great, now we'll REALLY be delayed."

UPDATE: For the first time EVER, a cell-phone battery dies on 24!

UPDATE: I, for one, do not want to see Ethan strip-searched.

UPDATE: If they try to check his prostate, they are DEAD.

UPDATE: If you want my opinion -- and I know you do -- Jack has spent WAY too much time this season incapacitated.

UPDATE: So all of this is just so Tony can get to the top guy? Tony's actually GOOD??

UPDATE: "It was chaos!" Yep. That is exactly what shooting victims say.

UPDATE: "Hang on! Help is on the way!" Seriously.

UPDATE: Kim! Slinging the lingo!

UPDATE: "His field experience fills a knowledge gap in regards to our logistics and planning." How did she say that without losing some teeth?

UPDATE: YESSSSSSSSSSS

UPDATE: Even if they had removed all of Jack's vital organs, he would have kicked their asses.

UPDATE: I believe this is the second forklift to be used for violent purposes this season. The prop department must have gotten a deal.

UPDATE: I just want to fast-forward through the Olivia subplot.

UPDATE: Alan Wilson! I KNEW it! Or Allen Wilson.

UPDATE: They have not made the duct tape that can hold Jack Bauer.

UPDATE: Let's see: Jack, who is dying, has to get out of handcuffs, get rid of the bomb and overpower like 15 thugs. OK!

UPDATE: Renee knows the trigger mechanism and can disarm it! You don't let go of a gal like that.

UPDATE: I get the feeling Tony does not care for Alan. Or Allen.

UPDATE: So they got Allen or Alan, and Tony is in custody... So what happens in the final half-hour? It has to be a Big Surprise, yes? They certainly can't be putting all their chips on resolving the Olivia subplot, right? RIGHT??

UPDATE: "Do you regret anything that you did today?" "Some of the dialog, yes."

UPDATE: Oh, no. Not Henry. Please.

UPDATE: We are WASTING TIME ON THIS SUBPLOT, writers.

UPDATE: This would be much more powerful if we didn't know that Kiefer has signed for another season.

UPDATE: OK, this has turned into a soap opera.

UPDATE: Renee is now... Jack!

UPDATE: I guess we're all pretty shocked that Kim wants to do the stem-cell procedure.

UPDATE: OK, that started off in a promising manner, but it totally deflated after they caught Allen, or Alan, and we didn't even get to see Renee beat him up. I don't know about you, but I do NOT feel satisfied. This season -- in many ways, my LIFE -- peaked with the frogpersons in the White House. Since then it has been, meh. I leave you now with The Amazing Steve.

Comments

[Ford79]

In defiance of the presidential ban on torture, we present:

The haiku episode guide to 24
(One verse per hour.)

-------------------------------------------

Previously on 24:

Day 5, 7:00 PM - 8:00 PM

Hobbit’s a hero
Fixes double-talk device
Then dies. Tony too.

-------------------------------------------

Day 7, 8:00 AM - 9:00 AM

Double-talk device
Is employed by the writers.
Tony lives again.

9:00 AM - 10:00 AM

CTU’s defunct,
So FBI adopts their
Mole hiring quotas.

10:00 AM - 11:00 AM

Jack, Chloe and Bill
Help bust Tony out of stir.
Gunfire ensues. Cool.

11:00 AM - 12:00 PM

Taking cues from Jack,
FBI Agent Freckles
Hoses a bad guy.

12:00 PM - 1:00 PM

Secret Service moles
Betray the First Gentleman.
Jack fake-whacks Freckles.

1:00 PM - 2:00 PM

Young, trained, fit agent
Gets killed by paralyzed guy.
Yeah. That could happen.

2:00 PM - 3:00 PM

CIP destroyed,
Matobos saved, Latham blown
(Not in a good way).

3:00 PM - 4:00 PM

A great tragedy:
During rescue of Henry
Many beers get shot.

4:00 PM - 5:00 PM

Dubaku gives up,
Decides to leave the country
With his sap girlfriend.

5:00 PM - 6:00 PM

Chloe outwits Sean,
Downloads Dubaku’s info.
Goal: the whole mole roll.

6:00 PM - 7:00 PM

As Jack tasers mole,
Freckles chases down Juma.
God, she looks great wet.

7:00 PM - 8:00 PM

With only twelve guys
Juma takes over White House,
Grabs Jack and Ms. Prez.

8:00 PM - 9:00 PM

Bill self-immolates.
SWAT teams gig Juma’s frogmen.
Quinn kills while Jack drools.

9:00 PM - 10:00 PM

Mayer the wiener
Falls for the old “Land Shark” bit.
Quinn gets trailer-trashed.

10:00 PM - 11:00 PM

Jack, that old softy,
Saves clueless “Enterprise” guy,
Then snorts pathogen.

11:00 PM - 12:00 AM

Jack’s sick. Freckles cries.
(Just what we need: Audrey Two.)
Seaton helps feds. Not.

12:00 AM - 1:00 AM

Doc boffins treat Jack.
Starkwood boffins arm missiles.
Livvy’s just boffin’.

1:00 AM - 2:00 AM

Tony’s bad. No, good.
He just killed Larry! Bad, then.
I’m getting whiplash....

2:00 AM - 3:00 AM

FBI agents
Attend housewarming party.
Jack twigs to Tony.

3:00 AM - 4:00 AM

Creep Council convenes,
Considers canister coup.
Chloe’s called, comes cuick.

4:00 AM - 5:00 AM

Now Chloe’s crying.
Maybe she can use those tears
To put out Hodges.

5:00 AM - 6:00 AM

Jibraan thwarts attack.
And now let's rejoin our soap:
The Perils of Kim.

To be concluded...

[tw]

How can anybody top that????

2nd....

[trustf8]

That edgar picture is just downright disturbing. This season has totally sucked, but you blog-a-holics have made it all worthwhile.
Thanks 4 the memories :)

[Berk82]

Snork at Ford! x22

[Tash]

Wow -- too many good choices for voting... Let's elect Dave as Season 8 Head writer (or Headwriter?)

I voted for the laughing one

[Tori Lennox]

It seems weird not having House Hallucinations prior to 24.

[Wes S.]

Sigh. After tonight, I don't know what I'm going to do with my Mondays for the next eight months or so...

[Dr Alice]

It's been another great season, thanks to Dave and all of you. (No thanks to the writers.)

Live, Aaron! Live to see Season 8!!

[Kevin in Jax]

Will Tony shoot Jack?

Will Jack shoot Tony?

Will Aaron shoot that annoying First Daughter? (we should be so lucky)

But mostly, will the members of the of evil terrorist cartel of businesspeople blame it all on Nancy Pelosi?

[MaryContrary]

Bravo, Ford79

"Tony’s bad. No, good.
He just killed Larry! Bad, then.
I’m getting whiplash...."

[Cat R]

Slinks in®

I have no idea what's going on and thankfully, it does not matter a whit.

Great haiku, ford!

Time to move the laptop to the tv room...

[MartiniShark]

The FBI will subpoena Kimmie's scrapbook with her infant's belly-button fragment from which stem-cells are extracted, mad cow is vanquished, and Tony will get sent to the woodshed, Bauer style.

[Siouxie]

*snork* @ Ford!

In case Andy doesn't make it...

BLEEP BLOOP BLEEP BLOOP

[Siouxie]

Wes, we can always "live-blog" The Bachelorette.

[Tori Lennox]

Previously on 24, nothing much happened.

[rockin01]

Hey, ya'll!!

[jt]

"Viewer discretion is advised."

If we had any discretion, we wouldn't be WATCHING this!

[Siouxie]

We have low standards, jt.

[Wes S.]

Sio, I'm sure that "The Bachelorette" at least has better writers...

[MartiniShark]

Love that Kimmie just strolled up on the operatives. That's SO her!

[Cat R]

Siouxie, at least we have standards.

[Siouxie]

What I meant to say is that you're screwed.

[Steve (The 24 Guy)]

ok....I'm writing! See ya after the two hours are up!

[MartiniShark]

"Madame President, we have Olivia naked on YouTube, diddling a reporter - please advise."

[Siouxie]

True dat, Cat! (nice to see ya!)

[Tash]

Enjoy Jack's potential breakdancing everyone (although his "the following.." sounds good and strong)
.... Be clever, guard the perimeter shots (actually, DOWn the perimeter shots) -- but I have 90 projects to grade, so I'll read all your clever lines later. Kisses all, Tash

[tw]

This Cabinet meeting scene was the Sprint sneak peak this week....a real snoozer!

[Tori Lennox]

A group of firms? I thought it was just one.

[rockin01]

Jeez- is TypeSad dead ALREADY?

[Wes S.]

A sinister "cabal" of "private military firms?" Not just the one Jon Voight was fronting for?

Oh, brother.

[Cat R]

Hiya Siouxie! Hi Steve!

[Freejon]

can we drink for "corridor"?

[Siouxie]

Convoy? Breaker Breaker!

[Cat R]

OOOh Mr R read a spoiler somewhere and now I actually want to watch this episode (and not just blog - LOL).

[Wes S.]

"My operatives are with your daughter..."

...So, how's those post-9/11 improvements in airport security working out?

[MartiniShark]

"They just let Steve avery on board, he took my seat!"

[Margaritaville]

People in airports always seem suspiciously weird like that.

[Wes S.]

"I think Bauer's daughter is getting suspicious."

Well, that would be a first...

[MartiniShark]

I already hate the hippie-hitman.

[Margaritaville]

Good to see Jack looking so healthy and crazy.

[Siouxie]

What a surprise. Jack's gone rogue!!!!

[tw]

How many times has Jack turned on somebody this season????

[Gennita Low]

Whoa, I arrive to find a haiku on the whole season! Wow!

Hi, everyone! Sniff. It's the finale.

[sicarie]

Knee-shot!

[Wizzy]

OMG. Jack is shooting people! This is the 24 we know and love!

[Tori Lennox]

He won't kill anyone but he WILL shoot them in the thigh.

[rockin01]

Finally, a thigh shot....and the freakin blog is broken!!!

[Cat R]

The Chloe glare!

[Wizzy]

The hippie hitman reminds me of a guy I dated in the 80's.

[MartiniShark]

Janice didn't say "breaker-breaker", so no one will respond.

[Renee (the First)]

*Slides panting into blog*

Sorry I'm late. Did I miss any thigh-shootings?

[Wizzy]

Why does Tony care what Jack says?

[sicarie]

Why is she mad at Tony and not Jack?

[Gennita Low]

DRINK! Thigh shooting at 8pm!

[Wizzy]

OK, I'm voting that Janis is the mole. She's the only one suspicious who knew that Kim was around.

[Wes S.]

Is there a "Conneticut Avenue Tunnel" in DC?

[Cat R]

Renee, you missed a knee shot.

[Siouxie]

Hey Renee!! not much was missed.

[judi]

whoa, excellent haiku.

[Wizzy]

Yes, Renee - Jack shot an expendable operative....somewhere.

[Loudmouth]

I tried to employ viewer discretion, incredulity discretion, boredom discretion and every other discretion that would be logical and I'm back.

[Gennita Low]

Handcuffs and Tony...oooh...the plot is looking up.

[Siouxie]

Ok..so now Tony's good??????? I'm confuzzled.

[KJP]

Wes, apparently so.

[Gennita Low]

Harvest Jack's body! Yay! We need Dr. House.

[tw]

Jack is the new bio-weapon!

[Wizzy]

OMG this is so freaking twisted. Tony you are one wacked out dude.

[Renee (the First)]

Thanks for the update. (Is a knee shot worth half as much as a thigh shot?) I'd have been on time, but I was listening to my 3-year-old goddaughter throwing up over the phone. The joys of little ones . . . :-)

[judi]

jack IS the canister!

[MartiniShark]

So Jack is the cannister, but he has a notoriously short fuse.

[jt]

You know, Tony's plan makes the most sense of anything this season...heck, ALL seasons...have ever done before.

[KJP]

Forumbot ate my link but just look up Connecticut Avenue on wikipedia.

[Wes S.]

Sigh. You'd think that Tony, of all people, would know what happens to anybody who messes with Jack's kid...and he'd be telling the "operatives" to get the hell away from her as soon as they had Jack.

[Loudmouth]

Tony's on double super secret probation.

[Wizzy]

that cisco ad is totally gay

[Tori Lennox]

It's just weird hearing Jack Bauer touting a bank.

[oneblankspace]

Blogging from another room:

They have Cara's picture in the background fo the Staff Meeting

Why are they in Baltimore? I-70 doesn't go to Washington.

Cara's SUV doesn't seem to have the DC Window Sticker (which is how they know when the license plates expire)

[Renee (the First)]

Oh my gosh . . . that is the most disturbing Edgar picture ever!!!

[Cat R]

KJP, it's there. The links have been acting weird lately.

[Freejon]

Maybe Jack's spleen will kill more people than Jach did this season.

[MartiniShark]

Why is that Tori, he is trained in disaster response?

[tw]

If you watch Season 7 on Blu-Ray, will the plot be clearer????

[sicarie]

Wow, it's coming out on DVD tomorrow?

[Tori Lennox]

Why would we WANT to own the DVD of this season?

[Cat R]

Was that Kiefer doing the BOA commerical? I thought it sounded like him.

[nursecindy]

Did I miss much of the plot? Anything exciting happen?

[Wizzy]

Yay, Aaron. You go! I love you Aaron. You are truly the only sane person in Washington D.C.

[Margaritaville]

Yeah, tell us what it's all about too while you are at it.

[nursecindy]

What is that curly cord behind that guy's right ear?

[Wes S.]

Aaron deserves his own spinoff series, methinks.

[Gennita Low]

Mumble, Mumble, Mumble...filler.

[Siouxie]

Jeez...just DO IT.

[Renee (the First)]

Wizzy -- we knew that just from the fact that Aaron wasn't at the Post Hunt. ;-)

[Wizzy]

I'll help you Aaron.

[Wizzy]

nursecindy, as far as I know, Aaron has always had that curly cord.

[tw]

nursecindy - that's part of Aaron's earpiece. It how they can communicate to all Secret Service agents.

[Loudmouth]

BOHICA Olivia.

[Wizzy]

Who saw the Cisco product placement?

[MartiniShark]

"First skank is on the move..."

[sicarie]

Wow, for "breaking into a secured White House room" that was rather painless. Did the writers back themselves into a corner with this one?