24
Here is where we stand:
Last week Jack managed to steal the Deadly Fatal Bioweapon of Death from henchpersons working for evil puppetmaster Jon Voight. Unfortunately, the henchpersons got it back by shooting 153,000 rounds of ammunition at Jack from a helicopter. Fortunately, all of these rounds missed because Jack was crouching next to a pile of rocks. Unfortunately, Jack was exposed to the bioweapon, which means he might die, in which case the season would be over and we would have to spend future Monday nights reading the works of Marcel Proust instead of letting this show slowly turn our brains to risotto.
Fortunately there's a good chance that Jack will survive, because he is contractually obligated to do an eighth season. Unfortunately we cannot be so certain about Tony, who was captured by the henchpersons and could be killed for the second time in his 24 career. Meanwhile President Woman President's hideously unlikeable daughter Olivia -- who is getting WAY too much screen time that should be devoted to Renee the highly competent FBI agent -- got poor old Ethan fired and is now basically running the country. In other bad news, Henry the First Dip has emerged from his coma and is delivering lines of dialog.
Edgar is still dead.
Be advised that analysis from me may be on the light side tonight, because Mrs. Blog is covering a tennis tournament, which means I am responsible for childcare, which means humanity is doomed I may be tuning in a little late.
Stay tuned after tonight's episode for the wrapup by The Amazing Steve. Meanwhile here is a scientific poll:
UPDATE: If they try to check Jack's prostate, they are DEAD MEN.
UPDATE: As a thoughtful commenter pointed out last week: If they could move the bioweapon via helicopter, why did they put it on a truck in the first place?
UPDATE: President Woman President is thinking, Not ANOTHER imminent homeland threat! This is like... a bad melodrama or something!
UPDATE: Renee is going to debrief Jack.
UPDATE: In the end, they'll vote to give Starkwood a bailout.
UPDATE: Hey! That guy! Who is that guy?
UPDATE: Time for that crucial third or possibly fourth beer.
UPDATE: Even as we speak, Jack's antibodies are shooting tiny bullets into the East Congo virus's tiny thighs.
UPDATE: Get me the White House Dithering Room!
UPDATE: A Seal Squad! Yes!
UPDATE: The northeast quadrant! I KNEW it.
UPDATE: Like they could EVER keep Jack from going on this raid.
UPDATE: It's important to wear safety glasses when you work on bioweapons.
UPDATE: That sly fox Jon Voight! The old Wrong Quadrant Gambit!
UPDATE: So to summarize: Nothing happened.
UPDATE: Seriously. Nothing happened.
UPDATE: Good luck with this pile o' nothingness, Amazing Steve.
Montpelier!!
Posted by: Siouxie | March 30, 2009 at 08:33 PM
Good even fellow disturbed and bent denizens. I have come to a conclusion: with the promise of seeing a nekkid Jack tonight I have decided to become a bio-terrorist.
I will be engaging in a very localized and maticulously targeted attack of a nefarious gas at Agent Freckles with the expectation that she will have to go starkers as a result! (Insert diabolical laughter . . .HERE)
Posted by: A Woman | March 30, 2009 at 08:39 PM
Montpelier otra vez!!!
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | March 30, 2009 at 08:40 PM
Though I am deeply afraid of inadvertently double-posting yet again, I'll say that this was the toughest poll yet. Would the bullet fall to the ground screaming? It could. . . And of course, there's alway Montpelier. Whatever that means.
Posted by: MaryContrary | March 30, 2009 at 08:43 PM
Would the "deadly fatal bioweapon of Death" be Walkers Squirrel Chips?
Posted by: Wes S.. | March 30, 2009 at 08:44 PM
Mary- the correct answer is ALWAYS Montpelier. It's best not to question why...
Posted by: rockin01 | March 30, 2009 at 08:46 PM
The answer is always Montpelier, isn't it?
Posted by: Tori Lennox | March 30, 2009 at 08:47 PM
...And I see Typepoop is still broken; it still refuses to post anything after my last comment no matter how many times I refresh the page.
Arrgh.
Posted by: Wes S.. | March 30, 2009 at 08:48 PM
If Jack doesn't stop making goo-goo eyes at Agent Freckles I'll be the one pooping bullets.
Posted by: random thunking | March 30, 2009 at 08:48 PM
alright, Jack Bauer night! I didn't think I'd make it tonight. The muffler almost fell off of my car. Who wants to give me ride to Midas tomorrow?
Posted by: homeybeef | March 30, 2009 at 08:50 PM
*Jumps behind blog bar & pours round of Kamikazes for all*
DRINK!
Posted by: Siouxie | March 30, 2009 at 08:51 PM
Speaking of TypeCrap, it still is giving fits on the names. I was that woman from above, not some random lesbian NTTAWWT
Posted by: MartiniShark | March 30, 2009 at 08:52 PM
Jack has been exposed to the virus...or has the virus been exposed to jack bauer?
Posted by: homeybeef | March 30, 2009 at 08:53 PM
I'm already out of tonic water. Guess it's Grey Goose on the rocks tonight!
Posted by: MaryContrary | March 30, 2009 at 08:57 PM
Sharkie, after that post about your favorite purses on FB, I was not surprised ;-P
Posted by: Siouxie | March 30, 2009 at 08:57 PM
Ya know, maybe those were my favorite to see women with??? I never said I OWN those.
Posted by: MartiniShark | March 30, 2009 at 08:58 PM
I have it on good authority that tonight, Jack gets nekkid. That's right, NEKKID! We will finally see what Bauer Power really means.
Posted by: Suzy Q | March 30, 2009 at 08:59 PM
Hola, everyone.
Posted by: tropichunt.com guy™ | March 30, 2009 at 08:59 PM
Hi everyone!
Let the drinks flow as fast as the bullets!
Posted by: Cassie | March 30, 2009 at 08:59 PM
BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BOWAH POWAH OWAH!
J A C K B A U E R P O W E R H O U R !
Brought to you by: JackSack™ ("You want reality? JackSack™'s got your reality RIGHT HERE!") and ChloeSack™ ("ChloeSack™ sometimes doesn't like reality too much...")
LET'S GET READY TO ROOOOOOOOOOOOOMBLE!
This "24" intro was brought to you by reality, which wholeheartedly believes in "24" because it is completely accurate.
Posted by: tropichunt.com guy™ | March 30, 2009 at 09:00 PM
Red, red wine.
Posted by: Mitch | March 30, 2009 at 09:00 PM
Of course, Sharkie... Sure.
Suzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Jack Bauer Power Wow-er!
Posted by: Siouxie | March 30, 2009 at 09:01 PM
(Clinks with Cassie)
Posted by: MartiniShark | March 30, 2009 at 09:01 PM
Gotcha, Mitch.
Posted by: Suzy Q | March 30, 2009 at 09:01 PM
Wow. Jon Voight's makeup artist did a damn fine job!
Posted by: Richard the Weasel-Hearted | March 30, 2009 at 09:01 PM
House will end up alone? Good thing the world has been killed by the 24 bioweapon already, eh?
Posted by: danceswithvowels | March 30, 2009 at 09:01 PM
Sangala! Drink!
Posted by: Cassie | March 30, 2009 at 09:01 PM
EvilTony still scares me.
Posted by: Suzy Q | March 30, 2009 at 09:02 PM
I'm here to see some nekkid thighs!!!!!
Posted by: Gennita Low | March 30, 2009 at 09:02 PM
Suzy, we KNOW what Bauer Power really is, but it would be nice to see it in action, IYKWIMAITYD.
Posted by: Diva | March 30, 2009 at 09:02 PM
I hope we see Carl tonight
Posted by: homeybeef | March 30, 2009 at 09:02 PM
Is all this shooting from last week?
Posted by: Suzy Q | March 30, 2009 at 09:02 PM
Suzy Q, So are we going to see the real Jack Sack(TM)? :-)
Posted by: Gennita Low | March 30, 2009 at 09:03 PM
Madam President Senator Mayor's been shot...
......Wait what?
Posted by: Unrealious | March 30, 2009 at 09:03 PM
Jack is exposed! Pole vault!
Posted by: danceswithvowels | March 30, 2009 at 09:03 PM
Oh, yes.
Jack's about to get nekkidized. I'm ready!
Posted by: Suzy Q | March 30, 2009 at 09:03 PM
Wow... X-File episode... I want naked Krycek!
Posted by: Cassie | March 30, 2009 at 09:03 PM
It's 11:00 pm. Bad things should happen because they will avoid the evening news.
Posted by: MartiniShark | March 30, 2009 at 09:03 PM
YES!! Undressed!
Posted by: Siouxie | March 30, 2009 at 09:03 PM
Is he getting nekkid already???? ALRIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: nursecindy | March 30, 2009 at 09:03 PM
Time to cue the stripper music...
Posted by: Tori Lennox | March 30, 2009 at 09:03 PM
UNDRESSAGE!!!!!!
*DRINK HEAVILY WITH EYES WIDE OPEN!!!*
Posted by: Diva | March 30, 2009 at 09:03 PM
We can only hope, Gennita.
Posted by: Suzy Q | March 30, 2009 at 09:04 PM
The woman didn't have to ask him twice to undress.
Posted by: Mitch | March 30, 2009 at 09:04 PM
Jack must have REALLY loved that gun. Did you see the look of extreme reluctance on his face when he gave it to the CDC guy?
Posted by: Wes S.. | March 30, 2009 at 09:04 PM
Oh it wouldn't affect Jack. He's already demented.
Posted by: Gennita Low | March 30, 2009 at 09:04 PM
Oh yeah!
Posted by: Cassie | March 30, 2009 at 09:04 PM
Check packages!! woooohooo!
Posted by: Siouxie | March 30, 2009 at 09:04 PM
Boxers, huh??
Posted by: Siouxie | March 30, 2009 at 09:04 PM
"This is not a reaction. I've had these scars."
The ones on his back are gone, though...
Posted by: sicarie | March 30, 2009 at 09:04 PM
The needle...it bent as they tried to inject Jack!
Posted by: tropichunt.com guy™ | March 30, 2009 at 09:04 PM
Yessssssssss..the skivvies, too, Jack!
Posted by: Suzy Q | March 30, 2009 at 09:04 PM
"This is not a reaction."
And the ladies say something else.
Posted by: Cassie | March 30, 2009 at 09:04 PM
Hose job!
Posted by: danceswithvowels | March 30, 2009 at 09:04 PM
What was that about, he looked like a Ken doll?
Posted by: MartiniShark | March 30, 2009 at 09:04 PM
Aww..now Jack's all wet...oh darn .
Posted by: Siouxie | March 30, 2009 at 09:05 PM
Jack is on the balls tonight!
Posted by: Margaritaville | March 30, 2009 at 09:05 PM
Ha! A strategically placed thingamajig!
OH, MY EYES! They shouldn't have followed that shot with Janis, for pity's sake.
Posted by: Diva | March 30, 2009 at 09:05 PM
Expose more please, Jack!
Posted by: Gennita Low | March 30, 2009 at 09:05 PM
I'll say he was exposed!
Posted by: nursecindy | March 30, 2009 at 09:05 PM
Agent Asshole is still alive? Why?
Posted by: Suzy Q | March 30, 2009 at 09:05 PM
I like that purple blouse.
Posted by: Mitch | March 30, 2009 at 09:05 PM
@MartiniShark - a Ken doll that got into the hands of a little brother with a lighter...
Posted by: sicarie | March 30, 2009 at 09:05 PM
I'll drink several glasses to that.
Posted by: Gennita Low | March 30, 2009 at 09:05 PM
And the helicopter drops on Romano
Posted by: Cassie | March 30, 2009 at 09:05 PM
Bad guys have an orchestra on that tarmac?
Posted by: MartiniShark | March 30, 2009 at 09:06 PM
And meanwhile, Zombie Tony is being taken to meet Jon Voight.
Posted by: Wes S.. | March 30, 2009 at 09:06 PM
Am I passing out wardrode compliments? I need help.
Posted by: Mitch | March 30, 2009 at 09:06 PM
A canister? What season IS this?!
Posted by: Diva | March 30, 2009 at 09:06 PM
I would offer to lend Jack some clothes...but I don't want to.
Posted by: Suzy Q | March 30, 2009 at 09:06 PM
NO! Not Tony!!
Posted by: Diva | March 30, 2009 at 09:07 PM
Can we go back to naked Jack?
Posted by: Siouxie | March 30, 2009 at 09:07 PM
who understands what I mean when I say that the life and times of Charles Freck have gotten more interesting these days
Posted by: homeybeef | March 30, 2009 at 09:07 PM
LOL @ Cassie's Romano's comment.
Posted by: Gennita Low | March 30, 2009 at 09:07 PM
Now they are weapons - plural?
Are they going to turn - to quote the commercial - The Most Deadly Biological Weapon Ever (TMDBWE) into hand grenades or something?
Posted by: sicarie | March 30, 2009 at 09:07 PM
Torture? Yes!
Posted by: Suzy Q | March 30, 2009 at 09:07 PM
HE read his myspace profile! That is low!
Posted by: Margaritaville | March 30, 2009 at 09:07 PM
It's official: I HATE TYPESAD!!
Posted by: rockin01 | March 30, 2009 at 09:07 PM
Agent Speedle looks like he's peeing.
Posted by: Diva | March 30, 2009 at 09:08 PM
Like I said: the bioweapons are bags of Walker's Cajun Squirrel Chips.
Posted by: Wes S.. | March 30, 2009 at 09:08 PM
I wish somebody would just punch Jon Voight. I hope he doesn't get nekkid. Yikes!
Posted by: nursecindy | March 30, 2009 at 09:08 PM
You'll be alive, Tony. You'll wish you weren't of course.
Posted by: danceswithvowels | March 30, 2009 at 09:08 PM
Tony: I don't remember anything since after I went to the Pet Semetary. And you can't make me.
Posted by: Suzy Q | March 30, 2009 at 09:08 PM
"I'm giving you a way out."
Bend over Tony
Posted by: Cassie | March 30, 2009 at 09:08 PM
Greg, you're messing up my comic timing.
Posted by: danceswithvowels | March 30, 2009 at 09:08 PM
This slumber party is getting a bit violent.
Posted by: Gennita Low | March 30, 2009 at 09:08 PM
The bio-weapon affected everyone's vocal chords.
Posted by: MartiniShark | March 30, 2009 at 09:09 PM
To TypePad people: Sometimes it's better NOT to log in. Just sayin'.
Posted by: Suzy Q | March 30, 2009 at 09:09 PM
At least Jon Voight is handicapped by his own version of Larry.
Really, the two of them ought to get together. They'd make a lovely couple...
Posted by: Wes S.. | March 30, 2009 at 09:09 PM
ENOUGH WHISPERING!
Think about what I said, Young Man, or next time I'll send you to your room without any supper!
Posted by: Diva | March 30, 2009 at 09:09 PM
Is it time for the pillow fight now?
Posted by: Suzy Q | March 30, 2009 at 09:09 PM
Collect a fluid specimen??
Posted by: Siouxie | March 30, 2009 at 09:10 PM
Spinal fluid specimen? Ouch!
Posted by: Mitch | March 30, 2009 at 09:10 PM
We need some specimen, Jack. Here's the cup.
Posted by: Gennita Low | March 30, 2009 at 09:10 PM
Damn... Jack's got clothes on
Posted by: Cassie | March 30, 2009 at 09:10 PM
If they give him a spinal tap will he have to smell their glove?
Posted by: MartiniShark | March 30, 2009 at 09:10 PM
Where's nekkid Jack, dammit?!!
Posted by: sevenof9fl | March 30, 2009 at 09:10 PM
Cool, Spinal Tap will be in the show!
Posted by: tropichunt.com guy™ | March 30, 2009 at 09:10 PM
Cool, Spinal Tap will be in the show!
Posted by: tropichunt.com guy™ | March 30, 2009 at 09:10 PM
Did Jon Voight just call Tony "young man?" I mean, I know everyone is compared to him, but do you really have to date yourself like that? Especially when you're the head of the giant evil conspiracy? Appear more as a father figure than an executive? Is that in the handbook too?
Posted by: sicarie | March 30, 2009 at 09:10 PM