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February 23, 2009

24

Here is where we stand:

Last week, Jack, aided by highly competent FBI agent Renee, hatched a plan to use the innocent and trusting Marika as bait to capture her evil boyfriend African Subplot Dubaku. This plan was thwarted by the FBI mole, who turned out to be -- get ready for a shock -- Sean. No, we didn't really know who Sean was, either. He's just another in a long random line of 24 moles, hired under the federal government's Hire-a-Mole program. Sean had the police apprehend Jack and Renee, which means Marika, like pretty much everybody who trusts Jack when he has a plan, is now in danger.

Meanwhile President Woman President -- under the protection of Bill, who has replaced the Secret Service, which consists almost entirely of rogue agents -- is at the hospital, where her husband, Henry, is about to undergo dangerous but necessary surgery to remove his Screen Actors Guild membership. A new subplot was introduced in the form of the first couple's estranged annoying daughter, Olivia, who was fetched, blast-from-the-past style, by Aaron, who as you may recall was last seen shacking up with former First Ladies Martha Logan.

We're not sure what Tony is up to. We're also unclear on what happened to the Killer Death Module of Fatal Doom. Remember? Back in the early hours of this season, the terrorists were using it to threaten the infrasructure? Those were good hours. Back then we actually sort of understood the plot. Now all we know for sure is that Edgar is dead.

As always we're counting on The Amazing Steve™ to clear things up in the comments after the show. Meanwhile, here's a special bonus poll, paid for by this blog's share of the economic stimulus package. For some reason, both of the buttons say "Submit Query." As far as we can tell, if you click the top one, you get to vote, and if you click the bottom one, you see the vote totals.

Is Marika going to get whacked?
Of course she is. She trusted Jack!
No: Jack will rescue her.
Yes, but she will come back to life, like Tony.
I have no idea who Marika is. I stopped understanding the plot in roughly 2004.
 
pollcode.com free polls

UPDATE: Wow. Whatshername is also a mole. EVERYBODY is a mole.

UPDATE: "She's not an asset, Jack. She's a human being."

UPDATE: Marika is not the sharpest dart in the board.

UPDATE: Wait... maybe Marika is mole-ing Dubaku! My head hurts.

UPDATE: Another successful Jack Bauer operation, leaving pretty much an entire subplot dead.

UPDATE: I hate the Roger subplot.

UPDATE: Jack has a GREAT bedside manner.

UPDATE: Wow, a digital storage device INSIDE Dubaku. Some guys will go to great lengths to hide their porn.

UPDATE: Mole fight!

UPDATE: "Nobody's better at dealing with those servers than you are." That silver-tongued son of a gun!

UPDATE: It's a PX17 with the auto-erase function! DAMN I hate those.

UPDATE: Parameters!

UPDATE: Sean is a mean mole.

UPDATE: I think maybe Chloe is tricking Sean.

UPDATE: Sean shot himself, what, five minutes ago, and his wound has already been treated.

UPDATE: Erika was using narrow parameters. What a bimbo.

UPDATE: "It's over." Time for a new subplot.

UPDATE: Oh, get a room, you two crazy kids!

UPDATE: Everybody get ready for the cliffhanging shockeroo.

UPDATE: "If you're with me, meet me at the corner of First and Constitution." And wear a red carnation.

UPDATE: If the terrorists strike Washington, literally thousands of moles could be killed.

UPDATE: Next week: Two hours! Shooting in the White House! Take it, Amazing Steve.

Comments

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Its complicated....how often have we heard THAT?

Olivia's been on-screen for less than five minutes and already I want to shoot her.

bratty kid...

Maybe 1st daughter will be a better killer than Freckles.

Nice casting. Daughter looks like mom. Only hotter.

Yeah, like the White House is any safer than the hospital.

Could the white House subplot be any MORE coma-inducing?

Whoa, the First Brat is...well, a brat.

How much lasagna you wanna bet the daughter's not going to listen to the order? Bet you she's got more of the First Wimp's genes.

Yes, it did take Dad getting shot to want to talk. That's why we don't talk much, you see.

She must know Jack's kid. Yeeeesh

Well, Shark, if you're the leader of the pack...

Comment update: Thanks to judi and TechBert, there are now 100 comments per page and you can click on the page number.

We really don't care about the estranged first daughter.

If the rest of this season is just the trail of Jack Bauer...
actually, it wouldn't be any more boring or slower-paced then what's already happened. Carry on.

100 people? Federal salaries need to go up.

*SNORK* @ Wes. Brilliant commercials. :)

Looks like Jack's gonna get a full night's sleep. I'd be great if 1:00-2:00 we see him get up to go pee.

Four hundred moles? That number seems awfully low.

I could come up with at least that many in Congress.

I won't paint myself blue for no man.

.....a lot of people to thank....

Wasn't that last night?

First daughter? Blech. Useless. Unless she can be a target to be shot. In which case, I say: do it now.

hot bill hot bill hot bill hot bill you are never out of line, bill. you are hot.

ooooh, Bill...ask away!

*drool*

make Jack Secr of Defense

Uh oh. Pensive Jack looking pensive...

Oooh, hawt Tony.

Madame President, don't think about it too long. That could be fatal. Will be.

Tony's back!

TONY!!! TONY!!! YAY~~~

Everything is neatly warped up. Much faster than usual

Dude who just sat down can't be good news.

Not now, Tony! I'm having a crisis of conscience!

It's not over until Tony says it's over!

See, Jack has feelings. Right now he feels like a beer.

send jack bauer to federal prison? that would be a carnival cruise to him!

Oh, yeah. Tony. I forgot about him.

Wait... I wasn't paying attention. Who's this Burnett and why should I care? (Seriously.)

Wow, I thought it was dawn, but then I remembered...it's 5:00-6:00 PM on 24.

Jack Bauer Happy Hour!

Tony would be hotter if he'd shave.

Still a half a day left. One African subplot for another.

Oh yeah, Tony! Forgot about him.

Man, this plot has been brought back to life more times than Jack and Tony put together.

another attack... well, there has to be.

What, there's more than one bad guy with power and bad guy thoughts?!

Oh no, the Sangala subplot continues! Nooooooooooo!

Ah...more conspiracies. What a relief!

So Tony basically works for "Subplots-R-Us, We Deliver?"

Tony? Is that you? Are you really non-dead? How can we tell?

TONY!!!!!!

There's another plot?! Well, I never saw THAT coming! *eyeroll*

High value. High impact. High snore.

This sounds like a REALLY stupid subplot!

Is Tony speaking? All I hear is "Woof.. Woof. Meow."

so the 'dubaku debacle' is over?

Come on, we need more bromance.

Hmmm. Tony is just toooooo on the line...I don't trust him. I want to, but I don't trust him.

I want to know what happened to AC Mallet. His hotness is missed...

Ryan. Run for your worthless life!

tw, who cares, as long as there's lots of death, blood, shooting, and Jack?

Red Foreman to the White House!

Who's the Noah Wyle lookalike?

AH HA! Senator Weasel from the first episode!

Tony needs to wash his face.

Senator Red needs to be kidnapped.

Come on in, dumbass!

He looks like Mole Guy's twin for a moment, doesn't he?

Bassey, I'm with ya. I miss Mallet!!!!

minimole

Oooooh, evil orchestral upswing. That means he's evil. Or mean.

So Senator Red Foreman is back now?

Dude, the target is totally the White House.

OMG THE WHITE HOUSE IZ THE TARGET

How did Agent Freckles get so high in government service with scruples?

Oooh! That mole dude....was on Y & R. Adrian Korbel. I KNEW he looked familiar...

They want to shoot/blow up the West Wing?

so next week the plot begins?

Finally! It's over. With way less bloodshed than necessary.

Tony needs to give Bill a hot kiss.

ok...that was such an exciting cliffhang...zzzzzzz

Ryan looks less than happy about paying a visit to the White House.

High value. High impact. dang... an Olive Garden...

I can see the caption of tomorrow's New York Post cartoon..."They're going to need a new head writer for 24!"

Gennita...ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwno.

First and Constitution. I'll be the only German dwarf. And you'll be the only Japanese tourist. Just like Under The Rainbow.

Blech.

I now have to go watch the finale of "True Beauty." I know, I am shallow and unredeemable. Kinda like Jack.

Niters!

He wouldn't be that worried if it was the White House - the Chief of Staff is in on it, and he's there too. There has to be an escape route in place.

I think Hyde is behind it all. Or maybe Kelso...

Bassey, maybe The Great Mustache himself will show up, too... as the total evil mastermind! muahaaaa haaaa haaa!

Hmmm...the White House...a terrorist target??

shocking

Nite, Suz!

Nite, Suz!!

Whoa!!!!

Who Cares? Kill the President - she's worthless anyway.

Wow, this Madame President is just so useless. I'm mad at the writers.

Oooh. Two hours of "24" next week!

White house? Which white house? Not mine I hope... oh... THE White House...

Oh good, they bought a Vince Flynn book too. Those clever writers.

President Hostage!!!

Who's stupider-Madame President or the First Daughter?

Morpheus is going to kill President Lady?

But Diva, that would be more action than any we've seen in...weeks.

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