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February 23, 2009


Here is where we stand:

Last week, Jack, aided by highly competent FBI agent Renee, hatched a plan to use the innocent and trusting Marika as bait to capture her evil boyfriend African Subplot Dubaku. This plan was thwarted by the FBI mole, who turned out to be -- get ready for a shock -- Sean. No, we didn't really know who Sean was, either. He's just another in a long random line of 24 moles, hired under the federal government's Hire-a-Mole program. Sean had the police apprehend Jack and Renee, which means Marika, like pretty much everybody who trusts Jack when he has a plan, is now in danger.

Meanwhile President Woman President -- under the protection of Bill, who has replaced the Secret Service, which consists almost entirely of rogue agents -- is at the hospital, where her husband, Henry, is about to undergo dangerous but necessary surgery to remove his Screen Actors Guild membership. A new subplot was introduced in the form of the first couple's estranged annoying daughter, Olivia, who was fetched, blast-from-the-past style, by Aaron, who as you may recall was last seen shacking up with former First Ladies Martha Logan.

We're not sure what Tony is up to. We're also unclear on what happened to the Killer Death Module of Fatal Doom. Remember? Back in the early hours of this season, the terrorists were using it to threaten the infrasructure? Those were good hours. Back then we actually sort of understood the plot. Now all we know for sure is that Edgar is dead.

As always we're counting on The Amazing Steve™ to clear things up in the comments after the show. Meanwhile, here's a special bonus poll, paid for by this blog's share of the economic stimulus package. For some reason, both of the buttons say "Submit Query." As far as we can tell, if you click the top one, you get to vote, and if you click the bottom one, you see the vote totals.

Is Marika going to get whacked?
Of course she is. She trusted Jack!
No: Jack will rescue her.
Yes, but she will come back to life, like Tony.
I have no idea who Marika is. I stopped understanding the plot in roughly 2004.
pollcode.com free polls

UPDATE: Wow. Whatshername is also a mole. EVERYBODY is a mole.

UPDATE: "She's not an asset, Jack. She's a human being."

UPDATE: Marika is not the sharpest dart in the board.

UPDATE: Wait... maybe Marika is mole-ing Dubaku! My head hurts.

UPDATE: Another successful Jack Bauer operation, leaving pretty much an entire subplot dead.

UPDATE: I hate the Roger subplot.

UPDATE: Jack has a GREAT bedside manner.

UPDATE: Wow, a digital storage device INSIDE Dubaku. Some guys will go to great lengths to hide their porn.

UPDATE: Mole fight!

UPDATE: "Nobody's better at dealing with those servers than you are." That silver-tongued son of a gun!

UPDATE: It's a PX17 with the auto-erase function! DAMN I hate those.

UPDATE: Parameters!

UPDATE: Sean is a mean mole.

UPDATE: I think maybe Chloe is tricking Sean.

UPDATE: Sean shot himself, what, five minutes ago, and his wound has already been treated.

UPDATE: Erika was using narrow parameters. What a bimbo.

UPDATE: "It's over." Time for a new subplot.

UPDATE: Oh, get a room, you two crazy kids!

UPDATE: Everybody get ready for the cliffhanging shockeroo.

UPDATE: "If you're with me, meet me at the corner of First and Constitution." And wear a red carnation.

UPDATE: If the terrorists strike Washington, literally thousands of moles could be killed.

UPDATE: Next week: Two hours! Shooting in the White House! Take it, Amazing Steve.


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YES CHLOE!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAY Chloe!!!!!


Mirror files on an outside server...yes!

We knew Chloe would save the day...and the files.

Time to frame Janine!


Parameters! Drink!

(It's OK when Chloe says it.)

Oops. That's what you get for relying on the dumb blonde, Sean...

Chloe totally rocks. Chloe totally Rocks. SHE IS DA MAN!!!!

Uh-oh, Larry's about to get whacked by a mole.

Chloe is invinnnnncible!

if Chloe can't do it, it simply can't be done

Besides . . the only accurate move was the lip mashing behind the blade racks . . .

I love Chloe. =^D

Sean, your mainframe is COOKED!!

Chloe's not warning Kelly first? Or NOT! Wow, I don't know anymore. But I think it's a trap!

Not Kelly. Larry.

Janice is a dumb geek.

Janice is beiong completely sidelined this episode...

Sean won't get out of the building.

Crap! Says Agent Mole.

Janis is the frumpiest chick EVER.

YAH!!! Sean is BUSTED!!


Stop the mole!!

Sean, give it up. Chloe got you, fair and square.

Got the sucker!

Well, that was quick!

Wow, Larry, I thought you didn't bodily harm suspects.

Of course Larry doesn't have the guts to torture the guy.

Whoa, Larry is a Mole Whacker! Larry is almost manly...he actually acted, for a second, like Jack!!!

He wants an attorney? Give him William Shatner!

Punch him in the arm and pour salt in the wound while you're at it!

Oh, man, and I thought they were going to let Chloe get waxed.

And I'd love it if Larry said, "Fine...your attorney is now JACK BAUER!!!"

I <3 Chloe. She rocks!

Chloe strikes again! Mess with the best, die like the rest!

Ohnoes! Put Sean in holding?! That's it, Sean is doomed. The moles always get killed in holding before they can talk...

Wow, Agent Moss seems.... capable.

I don't know what to do with this - someone who is not in Jack's inner circle who is more than capable of doing their job.

Oooh...I think Shawn might need some 'convincing' to talk. As in, that guy with the big needles.

Sorry, no more lasagna for you, sis.

She's dead, Jim.

Is Dubaku at the same hospital as First Husband?

Attorney?? Larry get Jacked.Get the info. Break his a$$.

dead moleman walkin'...

Marika went shopping. There was a terrorist. She didn't make it. Don't ask questions.

"The lasagna dish was Pyrex, it exploded, and your sister was holding it."


I think . . shes . . dead!

guantanomo for him!

I'm thinking Agent Freckles just got crossed off the lasagna list.

SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! C'mon...I hear it will be the slap heard 'round the world!

Sis needs a bailout.

Sorry, about Marika. Here's a cocktail bracelet! But wait, we'll throw in a year's supply of ShamWow.

It's over? Oh, I think not, Jack.

Jack's like, "Who's Rosa?"

It's over? We have 15 minutes left.

... it seems way too early in the day for it to be over. We're not going for another Awwww-drey sublot are we?

Time for slap slap!

It's over? It's over? It's not over until WE say it is. Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no! And it's NOT OVER NOW!!!

It's not over for the rest of us either, Freckles. We have too many hours left in the show.

Over? What's gonna happen the next 10 episodes?

Jack slap! Jack slap!

I see a kiss coming on!



"Feelings are for those suckers in Gitmo!"

Kiss her, Jack! Slap him, Freckles!!

love taps

Why do they keep bringing up his wife? Terri has been dead for FREAKING YEARS!!!
Oh, great, a tender moment. Blech.

Whoa! Dead wife reference! That's low.

GAH! It's like Awwwdrey's back.

"My mother slapped me once....ONCE!"

Freckles Feely Feely Feely. Hit her Jack.

As a matter of fact, he didn't feel that.


Heh. Jack is secretly turned on. You know it!

snork @ Shark.

Look out! After the slappin' stops, the lovin' begins.

Jack, you don't know when opportunity knocks.

Jack Bauer refuses to acknowledge any queries regarding how he feels that are not issued by Peter Frampton's guitar.

Jack Bauer with nothing to say?

Dang. So close, yet so far.

then again...

yes, I like it when Jack gets roughed up a bit.

"The next time you pull your weapon on me you'd better intend to use it."

"I did."

Sigh. Isn't this sort of thing basically pillow talk for Jack?

"You ever pull your weapon on me again....you better intent to use it"

Oh, Jack - you don't know what that did to me! Shoot my thigh!! QUick!

Freckles would give up da FBI to go back to pole dancing?

Damned "Watchmen" film. Won't be able to see The Blueman Group again without undressing them mentally.

Total foreplay.

Sharkie, that's a HORRID thought.

Diva, you're right! She is as annoying as Audrey, but at least she's better looking.

Yeah, Suz. That was totally HOT.

Wow, I'm actually less annoyed the comment paging system this week - did they up the numbers of comments per page? Or am I just getting used to it?

Thanks, Shark! Yes, I want to be a naked blue Rock Star!

Ya know, Sharkie, we're very accepting of the gay men here on this blog.

Isn't Jack (in the box) in a coma? After being hit by a bus during the Super Bowl?

yes, it's now 100 comments/page, i think...

You're right, Wiz! (sicarie, me too)

hopefully seriously enough

It's all your fault, mom! You should have stayed home and cooked lasagna!

A stockbrokers' commercial showing a toy boat sailing off into the sunset with your money. While the competition sinks.

IN the wake of the Bernie Madoff scandal and the Wall Street problems, that seems totally appropriate.

It's complicated. Duh.

Really Suzy, which one?

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