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February 23, 2009


Here is where we stand:

Last week, Jack, aided by highly competent FBI agent Renee, hatched a plan to use the innocent and trusting Marika as bait to capture her evil boyfriend African Subplot Dubaku. This plan was thwarted by the FBI mole, who turned out to be -- get ready for a shock -- Sean. No, we didn't really know who Sean was, either. He's just another in a long random line of 24 moles, hired under the federal government's Hire-a-Mole program. Sean had the police apprehend Jack and Renee, which means Marika, like pretty much everybody who trusts Jack when he has a plan, is now in danger.

Meanwhile President Woman President -- under the protection of Bill, who has replaced the Secret Service, which consists almost entirely of rogue agents -- is at the hospital, where her husband, Henry, is about to undergo dangerous but necessary surgery to remove his Screen Actors Guild membership. A new subplot was introduced in the form of the first couple's estranged annoying daughter, Olivia, who was fetched, blast-from-the-past style, by Aaron, who as you may recall was last seen shacking up with former First Ladies Martha Logan.

We're not sure what Tony is up to. We're also unclear on what happened to the Killer Death Module of Fatal Doom. Remember? Back in the early hours of this season, the terrorists were using it to threaten the infrasructure? Those were good hours. Back then we actually sort of understood the plot. Now all we know for sure is that Edgar is dead.

As always we're counting on The Amazing Steve™ to clear things up in the comments after the show. Meanwhile, here's a special bonus poll, paid for by this blog's share of the economic stimulus package. For some reason, both of the buttons say "Submit Query." As far as we can tell, if you click the top one, you get to vote, and if you click the bottom one, you see the vote totals.

Is Marika going to get whacked?
Of course she is. She trusted Jack!
No: Jack will rescue her.
Yes, but she will come back to life, like Tony.
I have no idea who Marika is. I stopped understanding the plot in roughly 2004.
pollcode.com free polls

UPDATE: Wow. Whatshername is also a mole. EVERYBODY is a mole.

UPDATE: "She's not an asset, Jack. She's a human being."

UPDATE: Marika is not the sharpest dart in the board.

UPDATE: Wait... maybe Marika is mole-ing Dubaku! My head hurts.

UPDATE: Another successful Jack Bauer operation, leaving pretty much an entire subplot dead.

UPDATE: I hate the Roger subplot.

UPDATE: Jack has a GREAT bedside manner.

UPDATE: Wow, a digital storage device INSIDE Dubaku. Some guys will go to great lengths to hide their porn.

UPDATE: Mole fight!

UPDATE: "Nobody's better at dealing with those servers than you are." That silver-tongued son of a gun!

UPDATE: It's a PX17 with the auto-erase function! DAMN I hate those.

UPDATE: Parameters!

UPDATE: Sean is a mean mole.

UPDATE: I think maybe Chloe is tricking Sean.

UPDATE: Sean shot himself, what, five minutes ago, and his wound has already been treated.

UPDATE: Erika was using narrow parameters. What a bimbo.

UPDATE: "It's over." Time for a new subplot.

UPDATE: Oh, get a room, you two crazy kids!

UPDATE: Everybody get ready for the cliffhanging shockeroo.

UPDATE: "If you're with me, meet me at the corner of First and Constitution." And wear a red carnation.

UPDATE: If the terrorists strike Washington, literally thousands of moles could be killed.

UPDATE: Next week: Two hours! Shooting in the White House! Take it, Amazing Steve.


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Jack just snapped her leg off.

@Diva - awesome

Marika's dead? I am shocked... SHOCKED!

Well, not that shocked.

buh bye, Marika!

They definitely should have cut her leg off. I mean, she's all dead now.

"Larry, where is my ambulance? And I need those marshmallows NOW!"

no more lasagna

Dubaku's still conscious. Dead, but conscious!

That's conscious? I guess to Jack, half-dead is conscious...

Jack needs to use his holy paladin healing powers.

OK, so I was wrong...he didn't disappear.

Frickin company stopped by just before the frickin show was about to frickin begin!


What type of half-assed CPR was that?

Now that all the shooting, car chasing, and exploding is done for the night, now we can get down to some great dialogue and plot development! I can't wait!!!

Jack did all this without even a teeny perimeter. Y'all know what that means: drink!

MartiniShark, I wouldn't have answered the door!

Aw, Martini - I feel your pain. But anyone who shows up at my house while I'm this sick - well, they'll pay for it.


If the internet connection between China and Dave Barry's Blog were any slower, I could film a new episode of 24 in the down time. I leave you, because of the failure of technology -- and the lameness of the plot (by what I can surmise from the posts). "Enjoy the show!" -- or not!

Cool! Explosions, car flips, and gunfire all before the 1st commercial break. This episode has hope!

Loved that Marika was to sell out her country for a guy who is handsome...ok, but at least he was sweet and very...ok, at least he was honest as well as...

Well, at least the body count looks promising so far...

Aw, sorry, Ridley! Hope we'll see you next week!! *waves at Ridley*

Cleanly wrapped up, at least 16 hours early!

Judging from the rest of this season, it was a fast start that will now be followed by 45 minutes of the wooden dialogue generator.

Bye, Ridley.

Aw, President Lady looks sad. She needs to blow something up. That would make herus feel better.

Great to see you, Ridley! Sorry to see you leave.

Oh, shut up woman!!

There's no crying in Presidency!!!

Madam President would probably look better in pants

"Would you like to talk about it?"

Oh, God, please, no!

will the First Weenie get a spine transplant while he's in there?

*drools @ Bill*

Oooh, Hot Bill sighting.

Dubaku is "critical and nonresponsive." Much like the plot.

Jack and Freckles are performing bypass surgery now.

Dubaku is in critical condition? Critically stupid, if you ask me.

The President is exposed!!

That can't be good.

Lamest woman president ever.

Bye, Ridley!

I vote for Hot Bill being exposed.

Nobody is running the government, anyway.

She can always hide in the Rhombus Room.

LOVE Hot Bill. Who'd a thunk a few seasons back?!

Yeah, I assure you.

She keeps acting like she can trust Ethan which I have serious doubts about.

Famous last words in 24land - "The White House is the safest place for you to be right now!"

Colonel, this will sting a bit. For eternity.

I second that, sly!

*seconds sly's vote*

Come on, Dubaku, please? Tell me, please.

"How can we run this government when we don't know who to trust?"

Wow, thank you, writers! You pulled the thoughts right out of all Americans' heads!

@Diva, I found that entirely too funny.

If Jack shoots Dubaku in the thigh now, this officially becomes the best 24 in the past 5 years.

Waterboard him, Jack!

Oh, he's doing what Mason did to pre-Chloe in Season 2 - keep him pumped up until he's dead.

Time for a sniper.



"I did not give you permissiion to arrest his cardiac!"

OH YEAH! Jack gets to do surgery again!

Jack: Revive this guy so I can torture him!!!

The metal plate is non-responsive!


There's the list

Smart EMT - NEVER argue with Jack, ever.

A mysterious metal plate? Could it be the ICP? Or the IUD? Or whatever the hell they've been aftedr all season?

Mmmm, blood and (computer) chips!


Wow, more blood! I definitely underestimated this episode, I thought it was over after the car chase!

Didn't we already have a secret data implant in a previous day?

Why didn't Jack just bite out the plate?

Sean the Mole is crappin' now

"we don't know who to trust, hey random cop?"

damn moles know everything.

give the thing to Chloe


They have a situation.

We'll all pretend the paddles didn't erase the "list".

So I can just say I'm with the FBI, show no credentials at all, and I get no-questions helicopter courier service from the Washington P.D.?

Remember kids, always put a drop of blue food coloring in with your fake blood. It makes the difference between "Cherry syrup" and "B Negative"!

They in one of those Ally Mcbeale unisex bathrooms?

He's gonna kill her

Molesky knows everything. Slut is so dead.

My, Blondie's sure flipping out.

Shut up, woman. I have a way out -- Into the toilet, now!

And the usual 24 critical error: giving "crucial data" to someone other than Jack without the President having heard/seen it.

Blonde Mole is finding out men who say they will leave their wives can't be trusted. As he says "Trust me, this will work."

If that thing in Dubaku's chest was a computer chip, I doubt the defibrillator would have done the programming any good...

...And now Blondie is having a bimbo eruption.

Nobody's better than you, baby.

unisex bathroom?

A system-wide reformat? Oh, you're in trubble now, Sean. CHLOE IS GET YOU!!!! And she will bite your dick off for that.

*SNORK* @ Bruce (and Wayne). (But not Bruce Wayne.)

Oh, Chloe will clean her clock!

I love sexay computer talk in the bathroom.

geek pillow talk, cuddling and talking about reconfiguring mainframes...

Dumb bimbo...

Why are all the women (except Chloe, of course) such IDIOTS??????

He didn't even wash his hands!

Whooo! Mole Boy uses the Velvet too!

Man, I miss the simpler Victor Drazen days.

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