TODAY'S SURVIVAL TIP

Never be more than arm's length from whiskey.

(Thanks to Siouxie, Matt Filar and Claire Martin)

Comments

[WriterDude]

Stay away from the Jack Daniel's and Jim Beam, however. Those bottles don't roll worth squat.

[funniegrrl]

I think that's a good tip *in general*

[Siouxie]

That is why I always have a box-o-wine handy.

[marfie]

One of my daughter's homework assignments this week is to put together an emergency earthquake supply box - first aid supplies, food, etc. Oddly enough, whiskey wasn't on the list. I'll have to rectify that...

[Cat R]

*just to be safe, goes to check wobbliness of our sofa*

Grandma! How long have you been under there?!

(hic!)

[Cheesewiz]

"lost his bearings during a power cut at his home in Yeovil."

I'll just bet he lost his bearings due to a power cut.

"I always keep whiskey handy in case of snake bite, which I also keep handy."
- WC Fields.

[Mot The Hoople]

Methinks whiskey was envolved before, during and after the ordeal.

[Margaritaville]

What an odd, yet fortunate accident!

[MartiniShark]

I'm going to try that excuse out soon. "Oh, I was . . . uh, trapped . . .under the couch. . . where I happen to keep a fifth of bourbon."

[oneblankspace]

Not Irish whiskey, Scots whisky.

Although that's not as bad a mistake as making soup out of bullion.

[pogo]

One wonders how, exactly, did the couch "tip over".

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

We won't . . .

[Siouxie]

pogo, I'm guessing it was mostly HIM that tipped over...

[queensbee]

how much is 19-stone? i think over 250 pounds. he was pretty blotto i guess.

[Siouxie]

This reminds me of a little song I just happened to hear this past Sunday when saw Alan Jackson...

♫ Pour me somethin' tall an' strong,
Make it a "Hurricane" before I go insane.
It's only half-past twelve but I don't care.
It's five o'clock somewhere...♭

[pogo]

19 stone = 266 pounds.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Careful, Siouxie. You put your 'I' out with that song.

I'm never more than an arm's length from a Scot. ;)

[Meanie the Blue]

Did he have to share it with the wild, wild women?

[padraig]

Actually, the lesson the Irish took from this was to always keep a tippy sofa nearby.

Sort of like W.C. Fields' snakebite kit, which he made sure always contained a fresh snake.

[padraig]

oops sorry for steppin' on your punch line cheesey

[Siouxie]

Thanks, Annie. I'm still having a little trouble seeing after staring at THIS lovely specimen of a man. I believe he's single.

One can put an eye out with this.

Yes, these two were actually there. The beer helped ease the eye pain.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Wow - nipple-mounted tow hitch. For when you have to drag him out of the bar.

[Siouxie]

Lovely, ain't it?? The farmer's tan adds a little somethin' somethin'.

[cowhand214]

As a famous author whose name I'm blanking on said:

"Civilization begins with distillation."

[Annie Where-but-here]

Yup. Get me a tetanus booster and I'm there.

[Cheryl Howard]

Thats also good advice for any given Monday.

[pogo]

Cowhand - Faulkner.

[cowhand214]

pogo - thanks.
I used to have a set of four shot glasses. Each glass had a likeness of an author and a quote regarding drinking.

My other favorite was Oscar Wilde - "Working is the curse of the drinking class." The third person was Dorothy Parker and I'm again blanking on the fourth. Fitzgerald perhaps?

[ron]

Fortunately I have never needed an excuse to tipple.I will tipple under,over,on beside or in spite of,the sofa.

[pogo]

Cowhand - I dunno, I never drank out of your shot glasses. You never offered. An oversight on your part I'm sure.

[pogo]

Cowhand - this one?

I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host.
- Dorothy Parker

[Siouxie]

My favorite quote on drinking:

Here's to alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all life's problems.

[Cat R]

OT

FWIW, if anyone wants to go back to the 24 thread to read Steve's recap, you don't have to page through all the "more comments" options to get there. Just post a blank comment (which should take you to the end), or click on "more comments" once, and then change the page number from 2 to 13 in the URL like so:

http://blogs.herald.com/dave_barrys_blog/2009/01/24-3/comments/page/13/#comments

/OT

[Siouxie]

Thanks, Cat! You are brilliant.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Someone hire Cat. And buy me a drink.

Too much typin' and not enuf tipplin'. Add THAT to your shot quotes, cowhand.

[Wes S.]

This reminds me: I'm out of whiskey.

*adds a bottle of Jim Beam to the shopping list*

[nursecindy]

Thank you Pogo for saying how much a stone is. I've always wondered how much it equaled in American lbs. I think I'll start quoting my weight in stones. It's a nice small number.

[cowhand214]

Pogo - It was certainly an oversight. For whatever reason, when I interacted with those shot glasses for even a moderately significant amount of time, I would have trouble remembering things.

There's some tequila around here somewhere if you care for a shot. Bring bail money . . .

[WayneHere]

I remember seeing Alan Jackson singing "Must be 5 O'Clock Somewhere" at the Grand Ole Opry. We all kept hoping Jimmy Buffet would walk out and do a verse. No such luck, but still fantastic. I have a pic I'll post someday. Now, THAT was a Road Trip.

[whitebeach]

If the man simply drank on the floor as God intended, there would never have been a problem.

[Betsy]

So he's preparing for the future by stashing another bottle of whiskey? No personal alarm system or cell phone???

"I've fallen and I don't care!"

[cosanostradamus]

.
Is it possible that the rats set this trap for the poor old fellow? With the bottle as bait and the couch as trap? Is he downwind of Chernobyl, by any chance? How big are the rats around there?

Obama on Arab TV.
.

[queensbee]

so, he reposed under the sofa, drinking like a fool, and............no bathroom. ewwwwww.

and i thought it was geo. bernard shaw who said that work is the curse of the drinking classes.... i dont remember. hic.

[cosanostradamus]

.
Oscar Wilde.
.