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January 31, 2009
SUPER BOWL, SHMUPER BOWL
These guys play without pads.
(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)
NOOOOOOOOO
(Thanks to marfie)
IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICERS?
Police arrest man driving boom lift at 3 a.m.
Key Excerpt: The man, who apparently had been drinking, was in the lift bucket of the Genie Boom with an unopened six-pack of beer and a bag of beef jerky when police pulled the vehicle over. He was clocked at 2 mph.
(Thanks to Billy Shields)
January 30, 2009
CREEPING FASCISM
Now they want to take away a man's right to operate a small business.
WHAT TIME IS IT?
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
CONFESSIONS OF A STEALTH BLOGGERETTE
Last night, I decided to test my mental skills by participating in the online screening for potential Jeopardy contestants. Here is what I learned: If you want to feel like a Big Stupid Moron, you can't go wrong trying out for Jeopardy.
The way it works is, you get 15 seconds to read the question and type in your answer. This seems like a reasonable amount of time before the test begins. But when you read a question that says "When the x axis is blahblahblah of the blahblahblah the domain, what is the y?" you realize just how short 15 seconds is. It's not enough time to figure out the question, that's how short it is.
And it's even worse when they ask you a question that you absolutely know the answer to, like "Lynette Scavo and Gabrielle Solis live on Wisteria Lane in this television program," and you CANNOT THINK OF THE NAME OF THE SHOW and 13 12 11 you know it, you know it, dammit, you watch it every week, on Sunday night at 10, and for some reason The Witches of Eastwick pops into your head and you cannot get it out and 8 7 6 what is it? oh grrrr, TERI HATCHER, Bree HODGE, you freaking beeping ... 3 2 1 gaaaaaaaaank....
p.s. Pat Sajak, if you are reading this: I am excellent at Wheel of Fortune.
AS WELL HE SHOULD
(Thanks to John Grant)
AND THE SO-CALLED 'UNITED NATIONS' DOES NOTHING
Swiss village fights back after invasion of naked Germans
(Thanks to Siouxie, who notes that France has already surrendered)
SOCIAL NOTE FROM HEBRON, INDIANA
Sister accused of attacking bride at reception
(Thanks to lakedog1)
WHEN PEOPLE SAY THIS NATION HAS LOST ITS GREATNESS
This blog just laughs.
(Thanks to Andrew Hoenig)
DUDE
FLORIDA DRIVERS' LICENSES (INCLUDING ONE EQUESTRIAN VERSION) ARE ON THEIR WAY
To this person and this person.
(Thanks to queensbee, Siouxie and Mark Schlesinger)
January 29, 2009
CSI: BEAVER CREEK
An employee said they saw the man stuff sushi in his pockets... When a manager confronted him about the sushi, she saw he also stuffed a Sobe Life Water in his pocket. He claimed he got it at another store, but she clued him in that her store was the only one that sold them. She also noticed the man had a burrito tucked beneath a pair of ski gloves in his helmet.
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
THEY'LL NEVER FIND THE KEYS
Council workers find a Ford Escort buried in pensioner's overgrown garden
(Thanks to Siouxie)
THEY CALL HER...
(Also thanks to Danny)
Update: Be advised that if you don't read the comments for this one, you are missing some comments.
THEY CALL HIM...
(Thanks to Danny)
GOOD TO KNOW
(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger and Danny)
WHEN YOU ORDER FROM A PLACE NAMED GOOMBA'S
You shut up and eat the calzone.
(Thanks to RussellMc)
WE'RE GUESSING HE'S SINGLE
(Thanks to bruce)
SHE WILL OF COURSE CONTINUE TO FIT RIGHT IN ON THE ROADS AND SIDEWALKS OF FLORIDA
CRIMINAL MASTERMIND OF THE DAY SO FAR
We were going to pick this guy. But then we found out about these guys.
(Thanks to Peter Metrinko, Matt Filar, Bill Moore and Gary)
UPDATE: Excellent video here.
(Thanks to ScottMGS)
MOST DISTURBING TOY OF THE MORNING SO FAR
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
APOCALYPSE UPDATE
'Immortal' jellyfish swarming across the world
(Thanks to Suzanne)
FURTHER EDUCATION
Key Shocking Revelation: ...staff had complained that after the first performance pupils were more interested in watching their mobile phone recordings than they were in their afternoon classes.
(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)
DATELINE CENTERVILLE, UTAH
WE SEE NO RESEMBLANCE WHATSOEVER, ESPECIALLY NOT THE HAIR
Dear Mr. Barry,
I have determined through the careful study of photographs, that Gov. Rod Blagojevich is actually you in disguise.
-- mrblooz
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WE NEED A TRUCKLOAD OF CHICKEN PARTS STAT
Massive Buffalo wing sauce spill shuts down Fairfield street
(Thanks to kvkennedy)
THE INTERNET
It's finally starting to pay off.
(Thanls to DavCat)
January 28, 2009
IF YOU'RE PLANNING TO EAT EVER AGAIN
...do not click here.
(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)
SPORTS UPDATE
KIDS DRAW THE DARNEDEST THINGS
(Thanks to Kevin Meerschaert)
CSI: PORT ST. LUCIE
Fla. firefighter charged for taking severed foot
(Thanks to queensbee)
NEXT THEY'LL TRY TO TAKE AWAY OUR RIGHT TO SMEAR THEM ON OUR LAWYER
Man indicted for mailing animal feces
(Thanks to RussellMc)
ALASKA
(Thanks to DavCat)
YOU KNOW IT'S TIME TO QUIT WHEN...
FASHION UPDATE
(Thanks to Siouxie)
WHERE, EXACTLY, WAS TONY SOPRANO?
Dead birds in Franklin Township were killed on purpose
(Thanks to Barbara A)
THE ABSOLUTE LAST THING YOU WANT TO HEAR AN OBSTETRICIAN SAY
"It was a shock, especially finding the eighth baby."
(Thanks to Brian Clay)
BUT IT'S STILL A GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND
Peer reveals 'cello scrotum' a hoax
(Thanks to DavCat and Horace LaBadie)
MAY I APPROACH THE BENCH, YOUR HONOR?
(Thanks to Stevie)
January 27, 2009
TODAY'S SURVIVAL TIP
Never be more than arm's length from whiskey.
(Thanks to Siouxie, Matt Filar and Claire Martin)