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January 30, 2009


Last night, I decided to test my mental skills by participating in the online screening for potential Jeopardy contestants. Here is what I learned: If you want to feel like a Big Stupid Moron, you can't go wrong trying out for Jeopardy.

The way it works is, you get 15 seconds to read the question and type in your answer. This seems like a reasonable amount of time before the test begins. But when you read a question that says "When the x axis is blahblahblah of the blahblahblah the domain, what is the y?" you realize just how short 15 seconds is. It's not enough time to figure out the question, that's how short it is.

And it's even worse when they ask you a question that you absolutely know the answer to, like "Lynette Scavo and Gabrielle Solis live on Wisteria Lane in this television program," and you CANNOT THINK OF THE NAME OF THE SHOW and 13 12 11 you know it, you know it, dammit, you watch it every week, on Sunday night at 10, and for some reason The Witches of Eastwick pops into your head and you cannot get it out and 8 7 6 what is it? oh grrrr, TERI HATCHER, Bree HODGE, you freaking beeping ... 3 2 1 gaaaaaaaaank....


p.s. Pat Sajak, if you are reading this: I am excellent at Wheel of Fortune.


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What if I merely type in "What is 42?" for all the answers ... ?

I know how you feel judi. Teri Hatcher makes me lock-up too.

pssssssssst, judi?? the answer is Desperate Housewives ;-)

judi I feel your pain. I'm better at factoids than anyone I know. My family won't play Trivial Pursuit with me any more because I always win. Yet I know without a doubt that if I tried out for any quiz show I would be a miserable failure.


btw, I LOVE that video!

siouxie, it was all i could think about during the rest of the test... and it popped into my head about 30 seconds after the final buzzer. ;)

Judi -

1. I love Weird Al, so thanks for that!

2. Good for you for trying it!!

C. I soooooooo know exactly what you mean. Sucks don't it?

You are not alone! I did that online test too. I was amazed at how ... stupid ... I felt afterwards. I can sit in front of my tv and answer EVERY FREAKING QUESTION before the contestants answer the buzzer, but that online test was NOT the same.

I took it also. The worst part is flashing on the answer with 4 seconds left and knowing you won't finish typing it in ti

judi, you need to shoot them in thigh! Especially for that horrible catchy tune they play that gets stuck in your head for the rest of the day if you even hear the first three notes....gaaaaaa!!!

judi, we all know you're brilliant. I don't need that test to make me feel like a complete moron so I skipped it ;-)

yeah i'm a trivia whizz too. me and a buddy once went undefeated at the internet-based trivia game at damons (do you guys have those? do they still do that?) for three days running (during the world series, we weren't there just for the trivia. ditto for me on the trivial pursuit game - can't get anyone to play - but... i once got a cdrom (i think maybe in a cereal box) that had a version of "who wants to be a millionare" on it. it had regis and all the music from the tv show, and while you were thinking about an answer regis would trash talk. i got so flustrated that i missed the $100 question once (had to do with smurfs) and never got over $8,000 in about 50 tries before i hung it up for good.

Alcohol seems to help. At least that's what Alex Trebek told me.

I'll take Jap Anus Relations for $200, Alex!

"I'll take That Smug Look Off Your Face for $200, Alex!"

Judi, practice saying this in a deep voice and an Edinborough burr:

"Ahh, Trebek, my old nemeshish..."

Marbles in the cheeks help the accent.

I too am an infomaniac and cannot get anyone to play Trivial Pursuit against me - but they all want me on their team! - but am so dumb I forgot the test was last night and completely spaced it until just now when I saw this post.


I'll take Jack Daniels for a hundred, Annie.

And, one of our own here on this blog has in fact been a Jeopardy contestant on the television. I will leave it to their discretion to identify themselves.

Who? who? who? who? who?

OK, here's a hint: not me.

Me neither. *snif*

there was MATH?!!!! that is totally unfair.

Oh, man - I wanna know!!!

Oh it was ME, it was ME, it was ME!!!

no, it wasn't, but it's fun to pretend

*disables the 15 second timer*

Have your people call my people.

try this (in the archives, or via Google): a 6/26/08 thread about a sash

We will, Pat - but first...can I buy a vowel?

Another hint: It wasn't any of these people

Thanks, Danny ;-)

Jd's pps,
Jst sld my lst vwl t Kprshtskn. Srry.

My guess would have been insom...but he was the one that said WHO.

*sends Pat some a,e,i,o,u's*

twasn't me, i passed the online test three years ago, and 'tried out' in d.c , but i wasn't photogenic enough (think about that! not just 't.v.ugly', but 'jeopardy! ugly') or something.
i took the test again monday, didn't do as well as 3 years ago, but we'll see...
(spaced on who wrote the 'scarpetta' mysteries...)

Hmmmm ..... now that's curious. So there are two!

"The Penis Mightier" for a thousand!

I know who! I know who!

*clams up so as not to spoil MtB's game*

*snork* @ insom!

I'm sure you've gotten more "jeopardy purty" by now ;-P

Ohhhhh..so there's someone ELSE!!

The plot thickens...

How did you take the test last night? I believe that Tuesday night was the Eastern time zone slot, as that's when I sat, slack-jawed, while the questions whizzed by me. But, take heart and try again next time! It seemed (slightly) less impossible than the online test did last time (although no Jeopardy staffer has called me for an audition yet -- not sure why.)

Has anyone noticed that the archive links now go all the way back to 2003, instead of roughly the last two and a half years? And that the links to the last two and a half years are (gasp!) gone?

yeah, i had quartet practice tuesday, book club wednesday, and chorus last night, but i got home at 10 so was still able to slip into the pacific time zone one. i'll definitely try it again. but i really am much better at wheel of fortune ;)

so, who is the 'one' who has been outed so far? i can't find a name.

And, the answer to the first may depend on what the "blah blah"s were, but my money is on "the range".

It's an old friend, pal, buddy, something like that. A little fishy, perhaps. Has pail complexion.

I may be the only person to have been turned down after tests and auditions in both New York (Art Fleming, many years ago) AND Los Angeles (Trebek)... *sigh*

One of my favorite cartoons has an emcee introducing contestants. "Our Jeopardy! contestant Paul is a nuclear physicist whose hobbies are conducting symphonies and solving quadratic equations. Our Wheel of Fortune contestant Janine is fascinated by bright, shiny objects..."

Dang, Danny, and I thought I was tipping our hand too much with "clams". You're such a show-off Well done!

Yeah, him ...

Meanie ... if y'all click on "Archives" (the general title) @ the top of the list, it'll bring 'em all up ... frum 2003 to the present ...

Merely trineta help ...

OK, I confess that I was actually misremembering that insom didn't actually get all the way on the show, having forgotten that ugly unfortunate aspect of the story.

But I now know, thanks to Danny, that there was a second star, kind of an odd-talking person (at least once a year), who did get there, and that insom knows who that is.

Hint: It's not KDF.


I know who tis. Not on here that often.

Jollymon: Good guess, but no.

That mutt that lives out there by Annie?

Very good, Jollymon, for posing your answer in the form of a question.

Still wrong, though....

I know, I know!!

Has anyone been rejected for being too beautiful??

*hair flip*

Instead of him jumping the shark, the shark would jump him.

I know we have some brilliant minds on this here blog and most would kick geek ASS if given the chance.

I'll be in the dunce corner playing with myself "Who's Dumber Than a 5th Grader".

OMG - Blue, you're right! They only show 2003-2005! Typepoop is weeeeeeeeeeeeird!

pssssssssst judi?? cye

Meanie, if you go to Archives, it will show the last couple of years.

diverdowndoc? (did I remember that right? The little hiatus that I took from the blog - curse you, tendonitis, BTW - makes my memories a little suspect)

Martini, Annie?

Take that any way you want.

And thanks, MTB, but you're starting to sound like my wife.

Has anyone been rejected for being too beautiful??

Well, yes, but modesty forbids me from revealing who.
*Retroactive hairflip*

Thanks, Jollymon, butt no. I'm guessing just like you guys - no inside info for me. And I'm quite sure it's not CJ either. THAT suggestion made me giggle.

We have much in common, then, Jolly.

Ooh! Ooh! I know! MartiniShark!

*snork* @ Meanie's virtual hairflip!

I was once rejected for being too beautiful. He said he must be dreaming, because I looked like an angel. So I slugged him to wake him up.

I'm gonna hazard a guess at christobol. Or slyeyes.

Not sure about ddd (although I believe she was on "Stripping With The Stars")

Not sure about Sharkie (He auditioned for "The Bachelor" but was rejected on a technicality - he was married at the time)

At the request of thousands, I will not cue up the music.

*adds a retroactive SNORK @ Meanie!*

Could you see Martinishark on the show?
"I'll take Painfully Bad Movies for $37.50, Alex."

LMAO Annie!!

cj? you kidding? he'd know the answer but get frustrated when they wouldn't allot him time to explain it.

*snork* cg! And a few beers to help him rant.

*snork* cg !

Yes, cg, exactly. The show's only half an hour long.

Perhaps it's The Amazing Steve?

Could it have been The Blog Himself?
**bows respectfully**

Must I do all the work, people?? Following Danny's lead...go there.

Posted by: insomniac | June 26, 2008 at 08:49 PM

Anagrams to: Belch Muck Out

(I gonna use a much more obscene one. You're welcome)

I gonna insert a "was" up there now.

I gonna was too ;-P

Insom, that totally sucks about you and Jeopardy. When I see Trebek in the grocery store, I will kick his butt back to Canada.

To those still fishing for the answer to this mystery, you might try switching from lures to bait. ;-)

WD, I practically LINKED to the answer! If they don't "got it" by now, they're not smarter than a chum bucket.

youn' or ol'?

Maybe it's Walter. "I'll take Tusks for 200, Alex."

I'll take anal bum cover for 7,000.

*Hits self on head with hammer*

That would be Ol' Chum Bucket.

*swats at lightbulb floating about head*

siouxie: anyone who clicks on links posted in this blog's comments section is dumber than a doorknob.

The day is mine!

Celebrity snork at Sean Connery.

*Marvels at the impressive collection of quick witted people that assembles on this blog*

At long last, we have a Guinner!

We need a new show to cater to our best attributes. A cross between 'Jeopardy' & that comedy improv thing Drew Carey hosted. You wouldn't have to get the answer right, you'd just have to be hilarious. We could call it 'Are You Funnier Than a Fifth Grader?'

annie, somehow we need to incorporate beer pong into that show.

Hee hee!

"Nationwide Squares"

"The Weakest NSFW Link"

"Actually, I Am a Fifth Grader"

Years ago, I drove out to Hollywood/ Culver City/ Burbank/ Wherever the heck they tape these shows and took the test in the studio. I was having fun-- I took off early from work, stopped at Tommy's for lunch. When I got there, it was like taking the SAT's in high school. People were cramming for the test, getting out pre-sharpened pencils, prepping like it was actually important. When they told us we did not score high enough, some actually cried.

Back in grad school, I had a friend who got on Jeopardy - he said the try-outs were bizarre. While they were grading the tests, they played old episodes and the entire room was yelling out the answers. We were in a graduate program in Folklore and the Final Jeopardy topic was...yep, Folklore. He actually got it wrong. I think it scarred him for life. The sad thing was that you could have answered the question if you'd ever seen either Men In Tights or that horrible Robin Hood movie with Kevin Costner (can't remember if it was mentioned in the Errol Flynn one).

My high school buddy Valerie actually got on the show. She didn't win, but we were still wildly impressed. She went on to write for comedy shows (3rd Rock & others).

That's my brush with Jeopardy greatness.

This is what I see in the archives column, text copied from the same page where I am entering this comment:

January 2003
February 2003
March 2003
April 2003
May 2003
June 2003
July 2003
August 2003
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009

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