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January 11, 2009


Here is the situation inside the perimeter as far as we can determine from the schematics:

The Counter Terrorism Unit (CTU) has been dismantled, probably because the authorities finally realized that it was directly responsible for 93 percent of the terrorism that has occurred in the United States over the past six years. Jack Bauer has been ordered to Washington, D.C., to receive a huge federal bailout.

No, seriously, Jack is in Washington to face charges that he has done bad things. We are going to go out on a limb here and speculate that there will be Unexpected Developments, including the return of Tony, who as you recall used to be dead, which as far as we know Edgar still is. We further speculate that these developments will lead to some kind of Crisis that will involve President Woman President, Chloe, Bill, Janeane Garofolo, and Alice as the housekeeper.

Are you ready? Andy the TropicHunt.com guy is.


UPDATE: I hope these motorists got the terrorist coverage.

UPDATE: Senator Craig!

UPDATE: Jack don't need no stinking lawyer.

UPDATE: Is Senator Craig the dad from That Seventies Show?

UPDATE: Hot federal chick to the rescue! She needs Jack.

UPDATE: Hackers!

UPDATE: Jack is SUCH a charmer.

UPDATE: "If he goes off, I'll call you." Heheheheh.

UPDATE: If not for the fact that we've been seeing previews for six months showing us that Tony is alive, we would be shocked that Tony is alive.

UPDATE: It wasn't Tony's body in the grave. It was Jimmy Hoffa.

UPDATE: I HATE it when the C.I.P, module goes out of phase.

UPDATE: The White House gets its information from CNN, just like everybody else.

UPDATE: "Here's your briefing package." Heheheheh.

UPDATE: The old Lost Son Subplot.

UPDATE: I hate it when I lose sync.

UPDATE: I for one am tired of Jack sitting around in a suit and talking.

UPDATE: They're saving energy by keeping the Situation Room really dark.

UPDATE: Apparently half the lightbulbs in the executive branch have been unscrewed.

UPDATE: The terrorists have messed up air traffic. In other words: situation normal.

UPDATE: The PI looks like G. Gordon Liddy.


UPDATE: Jack is slowly undressing.

UPDATE: Code name Hatteras? That's MY code name, dammit!

UPDATE: OK, basically, wherever Jack goes, terrorism occurs. LA finally got rid of him, now he's in DC, and bingo. The solution is: send jack to iran.

UPDATE: "He won't need to put his hands on anybody." Heheheh.

UPDATE: "I can handle Bauer." Heheheh.

UPDATE: "Jack, you're coming with me. And you're doing this my way." Heheheheh.

UPDATE: For the record: If we get to the one-hour mark, and the only violence has been a car crash, I am going to be VERY disappointed.

UPDATE: I have a bad feeling about the Africa subplot.

UPDATE: If it gets any darker in the White House, they'll have to wear miners' helmets.

UPDATE: Gabe has been hitting the minibar.

UPDATE: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

UPDATE: Don't mess with the hot federal chick.

UPDATE: They should have requested a non-sniping room.

UPDATE: Maybe the pilot of GSA 117 had to use the head.

UPDATE: The highlights of the first hour! This shouldn't take long.

UPDATE: Jack has the alley.

UPDATE: Janeane Garofolo keeps repeating to herself, "They are paying me a lot of money."

UPDATE: I've been on worse flights.

UPDATE: The federal government should definitely stop using Vista.

UPDATE: Yep. That's the module, all right.

UPDATE: The White House spokesperson reminds me of Our Miss Brooks.



UPDATE: President Woman President said "bastards."

UPDATE: Surprising, the number of Fords in this show.

UPDATE: Oh, just KISS HER, Jack.

UPDATE: By "near miss," they of course mean "near collision."

UPDATE: Uh-oh. The Africa Subplot is the actual Plot.

UPDATE: Hey! They stole this plot from Science Fair.

UPDATE: "How far would you have gone?" Heheheh.

UPDATE: Now we're talking. Jack has his gun back.

UPDATE: Why is Jack wearing an overcoat?

UPDATE: "Cover me." Heheheh.

UPDATE: How come the screens on TV-show computers NEVER display normal-looking things?

UPDATE: Verdict: VERY slow start. A plot about a module, which sounds way too much like the plot about the circuit board. We will watch the previews of tomorrow night, hoping for signs of life.

UPDATE: Not much to hope for. We now turn you over to The Amazing Steve, who will, we hope, make sense of all this.


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I'll post a summary, after the show (maybe even during!)


J A C K B A U E R P O W E R H O U R !

DAY 7! Jack better show some COURAGE!

Brought to you by: JackSack™ ("Your JackSack™ carries all the essentials you need for Washington D.C., congressional bills, impeachment papers and a Glock 9mm!") and ChloeSack™ ("We're proud to resume our support of tonight's season premiere, as well as Chloe!")


This "24" intro was brought to you by sheer patience...since nothing else important happened in the world between the last episode and tonight! Nothing at all.


Please don't hurt Dr. Phlox!

Well, there's My TONY


Ha, found you all

I don't need no steeenkin' council!

Jack don't need no wussy attorney!

This'll be the year Edgar comes back to life! I just know it!

"Where's your counsel, dumbass?"

Where is everybody?

Well, it started off with a bang...

counsel? jack bauer don't need no steenkin' counsel!

"Tommy Flanagan" is a cast member this year? Wasn't that the name of Jon Lovitz' SNL character who lied all the time???

ah. You don't need counsel if you aren't going to answer.

oops. he answered. never mind.

Geez, Jack. You could've gotten a lawyer from Legal Aid.

Is that Larry Craig?

Oh, since when is stabbing someone in the thigh against procedure? Jack set the Standard Operating Procedure for CTU!

Jack doesn't give a pig's patoot about implications!

*witing for Red to call him a dumbass*

Hello all. Sorry I'm late, computer problems. But hey, a few minutes late beats a year late with this premiere.

It’s been a couple of months since we left our hero, so to refresh your memory (and to bring those who didn’t see it up to speed quickly), here is:

The haiku guide to 24: Redemption

Jack, in Africa,
Sees efforts of friend Benton
Rendered null and Voight.

Jack’s now heading home
To moles, traitors, terrorists,
Torture, death. Good times.

...and we’re off.


damn computer chose THIS MOMENT to completely tank on me!!!! GAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Senator Meyer is pompous.

The difference between success and failure is...Jack. That, and clean socks.

Hey there, homeybeef - LOOOONG time no see!! :) You still in school?

U tell 'em Jack!

Bravo, Ford79!

That's a way to put a newly sat senator from Illinois in his place, Jack!

Ah. Finally I get to see somebody tell off a gasbag Congressman to his face during a hearing.

Too bad it's on a fictional TV show...

Great line: "I'm not surprised that anyone has a subpoena for Mr. Bauer"

haha haha

Look! It's Jack's new girlfriend. She has nice hair.

Shut your yap Red.

aGood looking red head...she needs Jack...some things never change.

hey hey Diva. Still in school but not on monday nights!

When you ask for Jack Bauer, you receive Jack Bauer

"Go along with these agents, like a nice little Jack."

ooh. brief case instead of a Jack Sack.

And if Jack doesn't show up for Senator Gasbag's star chamber, just what is the Senator going to do? Stamp his feet and pout?

Ok, it's been too long since the opening salvo of gunfire. I need some thigh-stabbin'!

What's with that star tat on Janine's finger?

Where's the perimeter?

He's expected back before the Senat in 24 hours? That sounds about right...

Ooo, Sean is a male Chloe.

Is that Janeane Garafalo?

janeane garofalo is new chloe?

^5s Suzy Q - right on! Show me the THIGHS!!

Finally loaded for me -- and I say a left-winger like Ganine G. will be Bauer fodder for about the next 24-or-so hours.

technology thefts?

Who was it that said "Hell is other people?" Sartre?

He must have had sharing a cubicle with Janeane Garofalo in mind when he said it...

In 24 hours, huh? As they used to say on MST3K, "Ladies and gentlemen, we have a title!"

He was abducted 10 minutes ago...these guys move pretty fast

Neelix! They got Neelix!

Who's the wimpy chick with the freckles?

Not the CIB firewall! No, not THAT!!!

Nooo, Jeanine Garafflo. She's a cheerful person.

janeane garofalo's job is to tell people where Jack Bauer is?

Those look like airplanes...look out!

Love Janeane! She's a badass.

Oooh, bloooooooood!!!! (no, that's not Neelix - just looks a lot like 'im)

Nice Mistie ref, Renee, getting me misty thinking of it.

Not good.

They are ready for clearance, Clarence.

Beware of snakes, plane people.

"Some turbulence."


*also ^5s Renee for MST ref*

Don't bother with the pre-flight instructions, Jack knows where the exits are located already.

Global Skies Airlines??? Everytime there's a fake airline name, that means the plane is going down!

hairy moss?

The old "take jack bauer and return him in 24 hours which is really next season" trick. Works everytime

Surely you can't be serious....AIRPLANE??

No cubicle can contain Jack Bauer!

Jack is a badass!! I love him!!!!

Janeanne Garafolo looks so fresh and clean...like she just finished shaving her lip.

He has doubts about Jack? That's a shootin'

"If he goes off I'll call you, so he can kill you."

Oh, I think she can take Jack on by herself.

Everyone in the FBI must whisper.

Not Neelix, but Phlox.

Thanks, MartiniShark! *sends high five over the Internet*

Throw him back?!? They are treating Bauer like the catch of the day.

Yes, I'm serious. And don't call me Shirley.

Oh, Lord.

Angry right-wing Jack and grumpy leftie Janeane.

They've gone and turned "24" into a buddy movie.

We're screwed.

Janeanne Garafolo looks so fresh and clean...like she just finished shaving her lip.


Cheese - everyone on this SHOW whispers. It's EEEEVIL. *looks for Cat R. to sympathize*

blah blah blah

Why so much talky-talk?

"know what would help, Jeanine - if you stood on a phone book."

Soul Patch lives!


Yummy Tony!!! *sigh*

Must have dial-up. It took forever for that pic to load

Tony, Tony bo-bony, Tony.

The Chinese government? Oh good. Maybe they'll finally resolve that intriguing subplot!!!

Was this episode written by the same people who wrote the "It was Just a Dream" year of Dallas?

They exhumed Tony's grave...it wasn't Tony!


Tony? A nearly dead man fakes his own death??

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