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December 08, 2008


We're thinking we need to do a caption contest involving the photo appearing in the news item (linked to below) about Oscar Mayer seeking Wienermobile drivers. Here's the photo:


Please suggest your caption in the comments. The winner will receive a bailout worth billions of dollars from generous American taxpayers. Or, if that doesn't work out, the winner will receive an item left over from the Holiday Gift Guide which judi will describe here if she ever gets to work, not that we are suggesting that she is a slackard, although we ourselves have been slaving away for hours.

Sauntering-In Update

We have to get rid of The lucky winner can choose one of the three larger best items:

1) The Pathetic Pillow

2) The Disgusting Doggie Chair

3) The Dork Helmet

(We will link to photos if we can ever find them.)

ADVISORY: We're going to cut off the comments at 1 p.m. Eastern Daylight Western Standard Mountain Central Division Time.


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"I think we're gonna need a bigger cow"

While Bessie wasn't looking, she got rear ended by the biggest wiener ever.

Oscar Meyer Brand Cattle Suppositories....formulated for extra, extra large cows.

Everything I can come up so far is objectionable. I'll vote for siouxie's at the moment.

Hot dogs - made of all the cow parts you don't want to think about!

This cow is intended as a promotion for rump roast, but a Weinermobile of this size is not an appropriate butt plug.

This is as close to beef as an Oscar Meyer weiner gets.

Cow: "WTFBBQ???"

Poor Betsy knew she was going to be sore for days.

Looking for the world's biggest cow ass? We have a weiner!

"Unfamiliar with the new Methane powered Wienermobile, Jennifer was unsure where to insert the gas line."

Move over Turducken! Witness the creation of the first ever wiener wrapped in a cow! We call it the Bulldog!

(Also, I love exclamations!!!)

Betsy, who always believed bigger is better, is having second thoughts.

KY-Jelly - for all your romantic needs.

♫ Girl, you looks good, won't you back that ass up ...♪

"I don't care what the sign says, there is not enough clearance!"

"OK, we've got the Wienermobile, Jesus, and the world's largest cow. What's next on the scavenger hunt?"

After Before

No, I will not say hello to a pork wiener.

"Woman Crushed in Bizarre Beef-Mating Ritual"

Public schools went to great lengths to teach students where hot dogs came from.

Try again.


"After hours of tough mediation, Amber was unsuccessful in her attempt to reunite Kevin Federline and Britany Spears."

When they arrived Oscar Meyer sponsors were surprised the rodeo was much different than they expected.

"You want me to stick this where???"

Shiela was later fired for taking students on that field trip to explain the birds and the bees.

Space: no longer the final frontier.


"Look, I don't care what Spielberg said. The script says Odysseus used a giant horse. I want a horse!"

Some have complained that the USDA's definition of "Free Range" was a little too broad.

"Police are advising motorist to avoid the fork in the road."

Now, that's what I call a hot beef injection.

Oscay Meyer introduces their new line of Organic beef products.

EPA Mileage Estimates for the 2008 Wienermobile:
5....When Quadrupled in Size Due to Presence of Really Cute Cow

"Unbeknownst to Bessie, she was about to be branded and not in a good way"

"Close... but not enough mustard."

"One of many rejected 'Lexus December to Remember Event' commercials."

Bob saved the day by using cow farts to fix the flat on the Wienermobile.

"There's not enough KY in Texas to get that to go THERE!"

"We're gonna need a LOT more mayo!"

um..kinda sorta icky psychic simul with Baron.

Bob saved the day by using cow farts to fix the flat on the Wienermobile.

Glad to occupy the same gutter with you Siouxie.


Likewise, Baron ;-P

Satellite navigation technology should never be installed by college students.

"It was obvious Jan was not the longest Hotdogger in the bun as she struggles to figure out how to gain entry into the impenetrable fortress of Arby's headquarters."

You wanna know what fungi do in your nose? I'll show you what they do!

"Captured moments before: Cow-tipping gone seriously wrong"

Ranchers were completely frustrated at Bessie's lukewarm response to bulls that could not measure up, until .....

These two giant advertisements for meat illustrate the concept of "beef buy products".

"Oscar Meyer beef franks: Not just heavenly, bovine."

Bessie got bored with her old toy, which didn't have the front-bumper attachment.

Lawmakers demanding a radically retooled business plan as a condition for multi-billion dollar bailouts were not please with the Big 3 U.S. automakers' response.

"We're gonna need a bigger battery for Bessie's BOB"

"Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener!"


"Oh, crap. Honey..."

"Gentlemen, we have the technology. We can rebuild it. Leaner. Meaner. Wiener."

As Dr. Johnson aimed his videocamera through the front window, Dr. Masters directed the vehicle into place.

"Contestants lined up for prelimary heats of the NHRA Winter Nationals today."

Who needs a caption when you have a dirty mind?

Mad cow in three... two... one...

"Why one should not use a Wienermobile as a cattle prod."

Responding to criticism from environmentalists, Oscar Meyer officials announced today that the next-generation Wienermobile would be a hybrid.

"THIS JUST IN: Scientists attempt to stop methane emissions from cows"

No, I won't look around, you are DEFINITELY NOT related to me.

Siouxie must have had her Cuban coffee this a.m. as she's on a roll.

Not unlike the weiner should be.

Before and after photo from the official Wienermobile Flickr group:


Because Secretary Paulson had struggled in previous attempts to explain what the big banks and brokerage houses had done to the U.S. economy, his staff prepared a visual aid that told the story in clear and graphic terms.

What the government does not want you to know about Area 52.


~Lookin' fer cowboys who love
big red weenies

No one has come up with the obvious?


"Not without a condom you won.t"

"Not without a condom you won't"

"Wanna feel the earth move baby?"

Experience the eHarmony difference.

Vote Larry Craig!

Ya know, I put my reading glasses on and looked a little more closely at the beef animal. I don't think it's an Elsie. It's either an Elmer or a Bruce the Steer.

This is why they made the world's largest roll of duct tape.

It seemed nothing would get the cow's buttprint off the windshield. Luckily, it was only 178 miles to the World's Largest Bottle of Windex.

Next on The Simple Life - Paris examines pregnant cow.


What happens in the desert outside of Vegas stays in the desert outside of Vegas.

Susan's relief turned to horror when she remembered the Wienermobile's reverse beep had been broken for months.

Wienermobile driver displays world's largest rectal thermometer.

This was the last known photo of the Wienermobile driver before they went missing.

"Shine On Harvest Moon!"

No, wait, that should go in the Lawn Rangers post...

Ranchers are beginning to worry about the overuse of hormones in agricultural production.

A graphic demonstration of what Congress is about to do to American taxpayers.

Release of Woody Allen's Sleeper 2 is expected in time for the Holiday Season.

Since everybody got the internet, it's gotten harder and harder for Girls Gone Wild to shock the public.

But then Kirstie Alley realized it was only a dream.

This is why we don't let used car dealers make instructional videos on artificial insemination.

A spokesman for the Oscay Meyer company declined to comment on rumors that cutting edge biotechnology is used to produce the new MiniCooper-based Wienermobile.

Who says there's pork in the farm bill?

We'll be fine, as long as nobody opens the garage door.

"Oscar Meyer Weiners don't just plump when you cook them!"

The new American Dream in the age of obesity isn't so different: a beautiful wife, an acre of land, a white picket fence, and three metric tons of processed beef.

Drive-Thru 2009. Get ready for it.

Dr. Ruth, animal sex therapist, demonstrates "zee veener in zee cow" method.

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