Dave Barry's Blog

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYBODY

TRAGEDY IN GERMANY

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger, again, plus Layzeeboy and DavCat)

A NEW YEAR'S EVE REMINDER

Please don't drink and drive.

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)

SERIOUS ENVIRONMENTAL NEWS ITEM OF THE DAY

And a tip for headline writers in the Greenwich area...

(Thanks to leetie and Chuck Cody, who adds, "It's none of my business.")

CRIMINAL MASTERMIND OF THE DAY

Long-armed and dangerous

(Thanks to Woozy Barnes)

NAKED MEN IN THE NEWS

Key quote, disturbingly repeated in every news story: That's when the woman reached behind and squeezed. The man tore free and fled.

(Thanks to DavCat, queensbee, Cathy Seidenberg, Jeff Meyerson, Larry Martell, and probably a few others.)

EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, SOMEONE SENDS IN A NEWS ITEM THAT WE DEEM TOO TASTELESS TO EVEN MENTION ON THIS BLOG

This one, for example.

(Thanks to Adrienne Canzolino)

THIS JUST IN

Britain hunting lovelorn beaver

(Thanks to Mark Schlesinger)

CRIMINAL MASTERMIND OF THE DAY

(Thanks to Howard from Broward and Russell Mc)

CSI: JENSEN BEACH

Authorities said a stolen gun was recovered when a detective tried to used the suspect's bathroom and couldn't get the toilet to work.

(Thanks to Guin)

THIS SHOULD KEEP PEOPLE OFF THE STREETS

For the first week of the year...highway policemen in Thailand will wear the masks "to lift the mood of motorists," according to police officials.

(Thanks to cedda and DavCat)

WITHOUT SCIENTISTS, HOW WOULD WE KNOW THAT WATER IS WET?

Visiting family warps your brain, study says

(Thanks to DavCat)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

(Thanks a LOT to Jeff Meyerson)

CSI: WILKES BARRE

Key troubling quote: She called police again the next day when she found footprints in her bedroom closet.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Cheryl Howard)

IT'S ALMOST 2009

We'd better get our calendars!

(Thanks to Annie Where-but-here)

IN CASE ANYONE MISSED IT

That was the year that was.

THIS IS CERTAINLY NOT FUNNY

And we would never condone this kind of violence., but

(Thanks to Ron Losey)

Ditto.

(Thanks to cyn)

ADVISORY TO ALL SHIPS AT SEA

Get out of the way.

HO HO HO

May your days be merry and briiiiiiiight....

(Thanks to Joe Morrissey)

THIS PROBABLY ISN'T NEARLY AS INTERESTING, TRANSLATED INTO ENGLISH

Ganglbauer gets his clobber off on Little Congwong.

INSPIRING SPORTS HEADLINE OF THE DAY

(Thanks to CJrun)

TRAVEL ADVISORY

For the next week I'll be vacationing conducting tax-deductible research in a Secret Island Location. There will be powerful rum drinks limited Internet access, so blogging from me will be somewhere between sporadic and nonexistent. I leave you in judi's capable hands, and wish you a happy new year. May your dreams come true, and if they don't, may you receive a federal bailout.

2008

How weird a year was it?

CREEPING FASCISM

It's getting so a man can't even travel home to see his mom at Christmas by stealing a fire truck.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

CSI: OKLAHOMA CITY

Police use tobacco spit to nab burglary suspect

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and DavCat)

ATTENTION, GREENPEACE

Jell-O might eliminate lake trout in Yellowstone

(Thanks to DavCat)

ADVISORY TO THE PEOPLE OF LONDON

Skip the bath.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Siouxie)

BAD BOY!

A shoplifting dog.

Key Quote: "I looked at him. I said, ‘Drop it!'" Adamson said. "I decided I wanted to keep all my fingers, so I didn't try to take it from him. He looked at me, and I looked at him, and he ran for the door and away he went, right out the front door."

(Thanks to The Perts)

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

Even if you've seen this already, it's a holiday tradition to post it. Best wishes from the stealth side of the blog.

HEY, EVERYBODY:

Have joy, OK?

THE WORLD HEAVES A SIGH OF RELIEF

Police have busted a gang of serial mourners.

(Thanks to DavCat)

ATTENTION ALL FORT WORTH UNITS

Key Quote: "They took four or five penis pumps," said manager Sunny Sharma. "And a life-size blow-up doll."

(Thanks to Joshua Orpin)

ANOTHER REASON WHY WE NEED GUYS

Guys are handy.

(Thanks to Guin, JT, Baron vonKlyff, Frank Canzolino and Chuck)

ATTENTION SPORTS FANS

The Major League Dreidel Championship

(Thanks to DavCat)

FORTUNATELY IT WAS IN A CLEAR, RESEALABLE ONE-QUART PLASTIC BAG

Sea lion found at Oakland International Airport

(Thanks to Ralph)

HE WAS LATER FOUND SEVERELY BEATEN BY WHAT APPEAR TO HAVE BEEN SUGAR PLUMS

Man Arrested After Flashing Gang Signs on Santa's Lap

(Thanks to Mollenkamp)

CREEPING FASCISM

It has crept into the iPhone.

(Thanks to dfjazzzz and Ralph)

SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE

Macaroni the Bedbug-Sniffing Dog

(Thanks to Michael Choy)

SHE ABSOLUTELY KILLS IN THE TALENT COMPETITION

A 23-year-old Mexican beauty queen and seven men were taken into custody late Monday after being found in vehicles containing weapons and cash in central Mexico, police said Tuesday.

(Thanks to Jon Harris and Allen at Division)

AS SOON AS THEY GET IT OUT, THEY CAN SHIP IT TO FLORIDA, WHERE EVERYONE INVOLVED WILL BE GIVEN A LICENSE

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

YOU CAN'T SPELL 'PRANK' WITHOUT 'P'

(Thanks to Justin Barber)

FOR THOSE OF YOU DOING LAST-MINUTE CHRISTMAS SHOPPING

Consider this. Or one of these, quote, "great stocking stuffers." And of course if you're looking for something timeless, there is always this.

(Thanks to Terri P)

THE WAR ON TERROR

France does its part.

(Thanks to Siouxie)

SNOWZILLA UPDATE

Snowzilla is fighting back.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

FOR A BUNCH OF SERIOUSLY TWISTED PEOPLE, YOU GUYS AND GALS ARE PRETTY DARNED WONDERFUL

Hi, Dave -

After all was said and done, the following bloglits (plus me) donated $750 to the Herald's Wishbook program on behalf of the Hutcherson/Pollard family:

Margaritaville
Somedude
Pogo
Bumble
Alfred
Cheryl Howard
Cat R
NotSherly
Ceejaytee
Jollymon
Telecomdropout
Siouxie
Layzeeboy
Gina D

This amount includes two additional donors who wished to remain anonymous, so as not to compromise their Witness Protection Program status.

You probably already know that the Wishbook people are simply wonderful folks.  Although, the last person I spoke with asked me "Really?  Dave Barry has a blog?  Huh."

Thanks, and Happy Holidays to you all.
Steve/Meanie the Blue

Thanks to all of you. We wouldn't trade you for any other blog commenters on the planet. And believe us, we have had offers.

URGENT BULLETIN FOR MONTANA FROG OWNERS

There has been a recall.

Key Quote: This fall the department sent a letter to 65 Grow-a-Frog customers, asking them to euthanize their frogs or send them back to the supplier.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

SO, HOW WAS YOUR DATE?

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

WE ARE OF COURSE FLATTERED

Link One.
Link Two.

(Thanks to Damon Daniels)

PEOPLE OF BRITAIN:

Get out now.

(Thanks to Siouxie, who notes that France has already surrendered)

GUYS, II

They're also all about companionship.

Key Quote: Police say he told them that he felt lonely and that Knut also appeared to be lonely.

(Thanks to Siouxie)