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November 24, 2008


Q. Dear Mr Language Person,
Imagine my surprise at opening up Google News this morning and seeing the following headline: "Guard fatally shoots man with sword at Scientology church" (Los Angeles Times).
My language question is: can a guard fatally shoot someone with a sword? I thought one could only shoot a sword to wound. Or would the fact it happened at a Scientology church have an impact on the conjugation of the pronoun?
Randy Hagan, Yorktown, VA

It was probably an assault sword.


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I always shoot with an automatic machete.

I didn't know Scientologists were allowed to conjugate.

First to laugh out loud. (NOT LOL)

When conjugating, the penis smitier than the sword.

Oopsie. *tosses space up to last post*
My bad.

Probably some disgruntled extra from "Last Samurai" looking for Tom.

*snorks at AWbh's "gaffe"*

Guns don't kill people. Guns kill Scientologists.

He probably knew that was the only place that he would look like the sane one. (Apologies to all my Scientology friends)

I'm sure the answer is somewhere in L. Ron's treatise, Dyin' Ethics

My grandmother used to leave the gravy out too long, and it would get this dried crust on top, so she'd put spices on it, to hide the nasty goo on top.
She was later arrested for a salt with a congealed wee pun.

can a guard fatally shoot someone with a sword?

no. a guard cannot fatally shoot someone with a sword. jack bauer, however, most certainly could.

Maybe this was an accident because he didn't know it was loaded.

(speaking of whom, somebody has been messing with my laptop; name now corrected)

Remember, men, don't fling your rifles until you see the whites of their eyes!

Anybody else reminded of Raiders of the Lost Ark?

*swish swish swish*

*roll eyes*


Imma chargin mah lazar Imma cockin mah swooord Imma sharpenin mah pistol Imma snorkin at Annie's gaffe and I doesn't afraid of anything.

Shoop da whoop!

Sounds like if the guard was unhurt, it was a cutlass encounter.

Guns don't kill Scientologists. Swords do.


His name was Mario Majorski. He was a former Scientologist. Issue #318 of The Auditor, a Scientology magazine, lists him as an attendee of the "Saint Hill Special Briefing Course" in 2004.

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