ASK MISTER LANGUAGE PERSON
Q. Dear Mr Language Person,
Imagine my surprise at opening up Google News this morning and seeing the following headline: "Guard fatally shoots man with sword at Scientology church" (Los Angeles Times).
My language question is: can a guard fatally shoot someone with a sword? I thought one could only shoot a sword to wound. Or would the fact it happened at a Scientology church have an impact on the conjugation of the pronoun?
Randy Hagan, Yorktown, VA
A. It was probably an assault sword.
I always shoot with an automatic machete.
Posted by: Siouxie | November 24, 2008 at 04:05 PM
I didn't know Scientologists were allowed to conjugate.
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | November 24, 2008 at 04:06 PM
First to laugh out loud. (NOT LOL)
Posted by: ScottMGS | November 24, 2008 at 04:06 PM
When conjugating, the penis smitier than the sword.
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | November 24, 2008 at 04:07 PM
Oopsie. *tosses space up to last post*
My bad.
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | November 24, 2008 at 04:07 PM
Probably some disgruntled extra from "Last Samurai" looking for Tom.
Posted by: Siouxie | November 24, 2008 at 04:14 PM
*snorks at AWbh's "gaffe"*
Posted by: ScottMGS | November 24, 2008 at 04:15 PM
Guns don't kill people. Guns kill Scientologists.
Posted by: Meanie the Blue | November 24, 2008 at 04:28 PM
He probably knew that was the only place that he would look like the sane one. (Apologies to all my Scientology friends)
Posted by: Margaritaville | November 24, 2008 at 04:38 PM
I'm sure the answer is somewhere in L. Ron's treatise, Dyin' Ethics
Posted by: KJP | November 24, 2008 at 04:46 PM
My grandmother used to leave the gravy out too long, and it would get this dried crust on top, so she'd put spices on it, to hide the nasty goo on top.
She was later arrested for a salt with a congealed wee pun.
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | November 24, 2008 at 04:47 PM
can a guard fatally shoot someone with a sword?
no. a guard cannot fatally shoot someone with a sword. jack bauer, however, most certainly could.
Posted by: crossgirl | November 24, 2008 at 05:21 PM
Maybe this was an accident because he didn't know it was loaded.
Posted by: MartiniShark | November 24, 2008 at 05:56 PM
(speaking of whom, somebody has been messing with my laptop; name now corrected)
Remember, men, don't fling your rifles until you see the whites of their eyes!
Posted by: crossgirl | November 24, 2008 at 06:02 PM
Anybody else reminded of Raiders of the Lost Ark?
*swish swish swish*
*roll eyes*
*KABLAM!*
Posted by: Wes S. | November 24, 2008 at 06:08 PM
Imma chargin mah lazarImma cockin mah swooordImma sharpenin mah pistolImma snorkin at Annie's gaffe and I doesn't afraid of anything.Shoop da whoop!
Posted by: danceswithmudkips | November 24, 2008 at 06:48 PM
Sounds like if the guard was unhurt, it was a cutlass encounter.
Posted by: Carl | November 24, 2008 at 08:56 PM
Guns don't kill Scientologists. Swords do.
Posted by: HeWhoE | November 24, 2008 at 11:52 PM
HEAD LINE: "WOMAN SHOT BY GUNMAN!' BULLET IS IN HER YET!"
Posted by: Ednausean | November 26, 2008 at 12:16 AM
His name was Mario Majorski. He was a former Scientologist. Issue #318 of The Auditor, a Scientology magazine, lists him as an attendee of the "Saint Hill Special Briefing Course" in 2004.
Posted by: David | November 27, 2008 at 02:58 PM